Are you bullied? How do you deal with it?

[Streetwise]

Good evening (I'm in the UK). Wow! I did not expect to come back to so many messages. I have read through each and every one of your messages and I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kindness and support. It is just lovely and has brought me to tears. Thank you all for being here for me.

There are so many messages that I am afraid I cannot respond to each one personally but I hope you realise how much all your responses mean to me.

To be honest I enjoyed reading through all the replies. I never realised how different our schools all are. Many of your schools sound much more interesting than mine, what with their houses, mine has blocks such as Block A and Block F. Each year is assigned to a certain block but during the day our lessons take us to different blocks. But we always start and end the day in our year block. I wish my school had houses though. I think that would be far more interesting.

Unfortunately I am unable to change blocks because it is based on our years but switching classes is definitely something I can ask about after half term has ended. I know that it is possible because a boy in my class switched his classes as he is no longer in my art class or science class. I wish I had thought of this ages ago, thank you all so much. I hope I can switch them.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. You have all helped me so much already and for the first time in ages I am feeling positive.
I am very sorry that some of you were also bullied at school. I hope it was not too bad and that you still managed to enjoy yourselves despite the nastiness.

And lastly I would like to apologise for my very late reply to your messages. I spent today and this evening with my mum. She was in great spirits today, full of so much energy and laughter. We spoke all day and she told me about her life when she was my age and then we looked through old pictures and did some baking together.

So it has been a wonderful day for us both. I hope you have all had lovely days, and I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart again because you really have looked out for me today and have been the first friends I have ever had.

Isadora xx

Remember When you get back to school! if they start !go to a teacher !turn the record button on your phone on ,record what they say, I never had that evidence wish I had,If you can pretend you are looking at your phone for a second and film them, bullies don’t like anybody to see what they do, try to record in writing what do they do, I would do that but my memory is so bad I keep forgetting ,still having problems now, you did the right thing being with your mother.
try to practice mindfulness I do it with adult colouring books using colour for some reason is what attracts me, some people listen to music others do gardening some people do exercise I pray as well ,creativity seems to be a big part of it, hopefully I won’t become a hoarder of craft products.

 

[onlything]

Good evening (I'm in the UK). Wow! I did not expect to come back to so many messages. I have read through each and every one of your messages and I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kindness and support. It is just lovely and has brought me to tears. Thank you all for being here for me.

There are so many messages that I am afraid I cannot respond to each one personally but I hope you realise how much all your responses mean to me.

To be honest I enjoyed reading through all the replies. I never realised how different our schools all are. Many of your schools sound much more interesting than mine, what with their houses, mine has blocks such as Block A and Block F. Each year is assigned to a certain block but during the day our lessons take us to different blocks. But we always start and end the day in our year block. I wish my school had houses though. I think that would be far more interesting.

Unfortunately I am unable to change blocks because it is based on our years but switching classes is definitely something I can ask about after half term has ended. I know that it is possible because a boy in my class switched his classes as he is no longer in my art class or science class. I wish I had thought of this ages ago, thank you all so much. I hope I can switch them.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. You have all helped me so much already and for the first time in ages I am feeling positive.
I am very sorry that some of you were also bullied at school. I hope it was not too bad and that you still managed to enjoy yourselves despite the nastiness.

And lastly I would like to apologise for my very late reply to your messages. I spent today and this evening with my mum. She was in great spirits today, full of so much energy and laughter. We spoke all day and she told me about her life when she was my age and then we looked through old pictures and did some baking together.

So it has been a wonderful day for us both. I hope you have all had lovely days, and I would like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart again because you really have looked out for me today and have been the first friends I have ever had.

Isadora xx

I'm glad you enjoyed the day with your Mum. There are so few happy ones in the end and all of them precious, please enjoy every moment and don't worry about answering late or anything silly like that. We understand.

Concerning the class switch, you can always ask when you're back at school. Just check your options for now and decide later. It's going to be difficult conversation, but you seem smart, so it should go just fine.

It's tough at the moment, but it's a phase that will pass sooner or later. School ends, bullies either get put in their place or switch to something else. Hopefully, you will be able to get rid of them soon enough.

Have a nice Sunday .

 

[AMANDA DESIREE WILSON]

First of all, ignore them. They are doing this because they have low self-esteem. When I was in high school, people use to say things to me to. I was challenged to fights but just walked away. After a while, no one bothered me. You see, if these creeps know they can get a reaction out of you, they will continue to do it. There are other avenues if they become physical. I would suggest getting involved in a martial arts course. It will be good for you physically but also morally. When the bullies find out that you can actually defend yourself, they will back off because all bullies are cowards.

 

[Nomen Dubium]

I'm bullied all the time.

I go to secondary school and am bullied everyday by the other girls in my class. They are always laughing at me or calling me names and making fun of me about how I look or how I sound. Most days are unbearable at school because of them and if it's too much some days I don't go in.

I'm on half term now but am dreading going back.

Where do I begin?

I wish I could say 'everything will be alright'. I wish I could hug you and say 'I am here for you'. There are so many things I wish I could say and do, but they are only wishes. I hope with all my heart that you can get away from these people - these shallow people whose only fun is to be found in attacking anyone who doesn't look like them, sound like them and bleat like them. All I can tell you is to be strong. Be yourself. They don't know you; they only know themselves, and, if their behaviour here is anything to go by, they are a pack of animals and you are better than that. If they laugh at you and call you names and try to hurt you... own it! All they know is how to be a gang. You know what it is to be a person. You could engage them and try to argue with them, but what is the point in arguing with the herd? The herd will charge and it will trample, because the greater a herd is in numbers, the lower its IQ will be, by the simple laws of ratio. So if they want to call you names, let them. These are the bleats and harrumphs of the herd. A herd will echo itself: each and every member will say the same thing. So don't face the herd because you don't need to. A herd is a copy; a hive-mind, all making the same noise in an echo chamber. Don't engage with it - don't try to reason with it, because you can't reason with it. Seal it off behind your mind's barbed wire and ignore it. Whatever they think they are, they are the herd and you are the shepherd. You don't have to make your feelings known to the sheep, because the sheep can never understand. You are apart from them because you are better than them. Don't sink to their depths but, if any of them rise above the crowd and try to meet you, embrace them.

I'm saying this from the perspective of an old man who was diagnosed late in life. If I'd known then what you know now, I would have been that peacemaker. I went through many years of being at the mercy of the herd. You don't have to be. Talk to those you can talk to. Ignore those you cannot talk to. And never, ever let them think they're better than you, because they're not.

You are the shepherd. They are the herd. And you are a good person. Remember that.

 

[Misery]

Ya know, I was thinking about my earlier post, and one thing did occur to me that I didnt mention before:

Junior and senior year, I tended to carry a golf club with me everywhere. Like, everywhere. Didnt matter what class it was, I had the club with me.

It actually did make sense at the time. I ended up in a unique version of gym class or whatever the heck it is called these days, where me and a few others would, instead of playing football or some damn stupid thing, go out to the local driving range and hit golf balls, because why the heck not. And since I never used my locker for anything (how was I supposed to go across the entire building JUST to get different books in FIVE bloody minutes between classes? I never figured out how anyone could manage that) I just carried absolutely everything around. Books were in a backpack. Golf club was not. Not that I ever used the freaking books for anything.

I gotta say: That works pretty well as a sort of bully pesticide. I'm not a violent person and wouldnt hurt a fly. But still... the ONE student carrying a big metal club is generally not someone to irritate, really.

That wouldnt fly these days, of course. But back then (I graduated in 2000) there wasnt a school shooting every 5 minutes (I'm in the US) so security was almost nonexistent. And yes, the faculty was fully aware I did this. They'd have to be blind or asleep to have not noticed since I literally carried it in my right hand all the time. I had their complete trust at that point though.


I suppose that might almost count as another tip: If you *look* at least vaguely intimidating somehow... even if you really arent... that can put bullies off your trail. Most of them really are cowards.

 

[Streetwise]

I'm bullied all the time.

I go to secondary school and am bullied everyday by the other girls in my class. They are always laughing at me or calling me names and making fun of me about how I look or how I sound. Most days are unbearable at school because of them and if it's too much some days I don't go in.

I'm on half term now but am dreading going back.

There are two members with cancer called @Yeshuasdaughter she is American ,has children and @Kyou Nukui who is Welsh ,doesnt have children ,both quite early in treatment .
It could !be informative !to discuss !your situation with them ,its rare that Aspies arent bullied .

 

[Raphael Outcast]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. You have all helped me so much already and for the first time in ages I am feeling positive. I am very sorry that some of you were also bullied at school. I hope it was not too bad and that you still managed to enjoy yourselves despite the nastiness.

It's very sweet of you to take the time to come back and thank people so effusively. I cannot imagine what it would have been like having the internet when I was at school and being bullied. And of course I have heard of internet bullying, although that doesn't look likely to be a hazard in this forum (there can be some pretty hurtful comments on a certain other A.S.D. forum, I've noticed, but none here that I've seen so far).

Unfortunately a certain amount of mockery and humiliation can go with the Asperger's territory, at just about any age: I'm 46 and it hasn't entirely ceased! I cope with it better now than I did thirty years ago, and of course it's easier for me to avoid it now, but it still isn't nice. Again, it is kind of slightly like belonging to a racial minority or a different religion: normal people are instinctively offended by difference: seems to be some kind of ancient, evolutionary reaction (the word for this would be "atavistic", I think).

Anyway I think we are all kind of hoping you can enjoy at least some bits of what's left of your school career, "despite the nastiness" (to borrow your words!). And maybe, if your kind comments are true, you can come back here if you need to, and get more support when you feel the need. There certainly seem to be a lot of people who have been more or less where you are, as far as school goes at least.

Hopefully you can enjoy the rest of Half Term, and then take another run at the school situation next month.

 

[Isadora]

Good evening everyone.

I am sorry I was late to come online today. In fact I hope you do not mind me coming online, I would like to try and stay with this community if I can.

I am later online today, but my mum has not been so good today unfortunately. She has been very tired and low I think. But she has a cold or flu bug and has not been feeling that good today and has a cough. I am worried about it but my mum said she was okay. She is sleeping now. I have been crying and breathing has been hard for me, I felt like it was a panic attack and I felt very dizzy but it is passing now thankfully.

Thank you all again for your replies, advice and for sharing your experiences with me. It really is very helpful and you have helped me so much already. I am very sorry for not responding sooner, I will try to be online more from now on.

After half term ends I will speak to the teachers and hope that they will try and help me. But I do not think they will. Except for my last head of year nobody else took me seriously. If that is the case I will use my phone to record the bullies when they are being horrible to me and hope that that will get this horrible situation sorted. Thank you to (Streetwise) for the suggestion.
And thank you for sharing the names of the other members. I may message them if they would be okay with talking to me.

(Onlything) Thank you for you lovely message. It really made me smile. I did enjoy spending time with my mum yesterday and it will definitely be a day I will not forget! I loved every second of it. I hope I can get some of my classes changed when I go back.

(Amanda Desiree Wilson) Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. I am glad you were able to just walk away and then they left you alone. I agree that I need to find a way to make them not want to bother me as I have tried walking away but they block my path. Another member suggested something which I may do.

(Nomen Dubium) Thank you for your lovely response. This actually made me cry a little. I am so sorry you went through such a horrible time and were picked on like that. No one deserves to be treated that way. Thank you for your message and I promise I am going to try and be stronger now. I will try to not let their words hurt me and will be as strong as I can, own it as you said.

(Misery) I am so happy that you were able to carry your golf club around with you and that it helped to keep bullies away from you. I do not own a golf club but at my school we still do hockey and I do own a hockey stick so I may carry it around with me and see if that makes a difference?

(Raphael Outcast) Thank you for such a wonderfully sweet message. I am afraid this also made me cry. The words are really lovely and it is comforting to me to know that I can talk to you all here. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

I am sorry people are still horrible to you sometimes. We all deserve better than that. Just remember that you are a wonderful person and that you should not worry about what others say or think about you. You are amazing and I am very happy to be here talking to you.

I definitely want to come back here again. I feel really happy speaking to everyone here. You have all been so nice and have given me more help than I deserve.
I really hope I can enjoy the rest of my time at school as well. I do enjoy school and if it was not for the bullying I know I would enjoy it a lot more.

I thank you all from the very bottom of my heart. This really does mean the world to me.

I am crying again so will end this here.

Thank you all. I hope you know how grateful I am.

Isadora. Xx

 

[Streetwise]

Good evening everyone.

I am sorry I was late to come online today. In fact I hope you do not mind me coming online, I would like to try and stay with this community if I can.

I am later online today, but my mum has not been so good today unfortunately. She has been very tired and low I think. But she has a cold or flu bug and has not been feeling that good today and has a cough. I am worried about it but my mum said she was okay. She is sleeping now. I have been crying and breathing has been hard for me, I felt like it was a panic attack and I felt very dizzy but it is passing now thankfully.

Thank you all again for your replies, advice and for sharing your experiences with me. It really is very helpful and you have helped me so much already. I am very sorry for not responding sooner, I will try to be online more from now on.

After half term ends I will speak to the teachers and hope that they will try and help me. But I do not think they will. Except for my last head of year nobody else took me seriously. If that is the case I will use my phone to record the bullies when they are being horrible to me and hope that that will get this horrible situation sorted. Thank you to (Streetwise) for the suggestion.
And thank you for sharing the names of the other members. I may message them if they would be okay with talking to me.

(Onlything) Thank you for you lovely message. It really made me smile. I did enjoy spending time with my mum yesterday and it will definitely be a day I will not forget! I loved every second of it. I hope I can get some of my classes changed when I go back.

(Amanda Desiree Wilson) Thank you for your response, I really appreciate it. I am glad you were able to just walk away and then they left you alone. I agree that I need to find a way to make them not want to bother me as I have tried walking away but they block my path. Another member suggested something which I may do.

(Nomen Dubium) Thank you for your lovely response. This actually made me cry a little. I am so sorry you went through such a horrible time and were picked on like that. No one deserves to be treated that way. Thank you for your message and I promise I am going to try and be stronger now. I will try to not let their words hurt me and will be as strong as I can, own it as you said.

(Misery) I am so happy that you were able to carry your golf club around with you and that it helped to keep bullies away from you. I do not own a golf club but at my school we still do hockey and I do own a hockey stick so I may carry it around with me and see if that makes a difference?

(Raphael Outcast) Thank you for such a wonderfully sweet message. I am afraid this also made me cry. The words are really lovely and it is comforting to me to know that I can talk to you all here. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

I am sorry people are still horrible to you sometimes. We all deserve better than that. Just remember that you are a wonderful person and that you should not worry about what others say or think about you. You are amazing and I am very happy to be here talking to you.

I definitely want to come back here again. I feel really happy speaking to everyone here. You have all been so nice and have given me more help than I deserve.
I really hope I can enjoy the rest of my time at school as well. I do enjoy school and if it was not for the bullying I know I would enjoy it a lot more.

I thank you all from the very bottom of my heart. This really does mean the world to me.

I am crying again so will end this here.

Thank you all. I hope you know how grateful I am.

Isadora. Xx

Just to help you understand how late I’ve been ,I was a member on this forum for six !months !before I realised there was a private message area !and somebody had messaged me six months before !.when I was caring for my mother ,I was astounded every day if I hadn’t killed her by the end of the day !,she used to say to the carers that came in twice a day ,check the fridge she will kill me with food poisoning, get as much help as you can for your mum that’s where I went wrong , thankfully she can still talk ,I presume !so she wouldn’t be relying on a balloon like me for instance,I still have that mindset of trying to do it all myself ,maybe if she’d been able to speak I would’ve reacted differently.

take multivitamins if you can manage it ,you dont need to be deficient !as well! as the bullying,Mainly look after yourself .sadly I can’t help you with homework ,my comprehension of English is becoming more bizarre by the day,I’m not an Oxford Scholar ,private education didn’t do much for me. it’s amazing what the human body can cope with, my mother is a testament to that, the drugs she was given by the NHS is nobody‘s business !for some reason my family always gets the worst of whatever exists ,I don’t know what that means, maybe you will become an actress like your namesake Isadora Duncan.

 

[Raphael Outcast]

I am sorry I was late to come online today.

There is no need to apologise! Nobody was sitting around muttering, "Damn! Where is that Isadora? How rude!" Be here when you want to be and have the time to be. Be in the other places you need to be at other times!

In fact I hope you do not mind me coming online, I would like to try and stay with this community if I can.

There doesn't seem to be any sign of anybody objecting to your presence so far! I'm not a spokesperson for this community (only just joined it myself) but I'm sure people would be very happy if you chose to stay.

I am very sorry for not responding sooner, I will try to be online more from now on.

You are still allowed to have a life! And in the circumstances of course you have other things to do with your time. Don't let being a member of the forum start to feel like an obligation you're under; you already have too much to cope with as it is...

After half term ends I will speak to the teachers and hope that they will try and help me. But I do not think they will.

No, well, having taught in a big Comprehensive (about 1,200 pupils if I remember rightly), I'm afraid your pessimism may be to some extent justified. Teachers can be so weary and so demoralized that they've just about forgotten why they ever wanted to be teachers, and sometimes the only reason they keep turning up to school is they have a mortgage to pay and they couldn't get any other job. Still, it's worth a try; you might be pleasantly surprised.

Is your last Head of Year still teaching there? Could you approach that teacher and ask for a bit of guidance or support? Or is that the one who's on Maternity Leave?

I definitely want to come back here again. I feel really happy speaking to everyone here.

Good. Hopefully this could help you to get through the second half of term feeling a bit less lonely than in the first half.

You have all been so nice and have given me more help than I deserve.

Untrue. I mean hopefully the first part is true, but you deserve as much help as you can get. Being a teenager is hell for a lot of people anyway; being a teenager with Asperger's is hell with an extra side order of hell, plus a hell starter beforehand, and maybe unlimited return visits to the hell salad bar. With possibly a Super de Luxe Hell Sundae to look forward to for dessert. And then there's your mother being ill, and I can't even imagine what that must be like to deal with.

I really hope I can enjoy the rest of my time at school as well. I do enjoy school and if it was not for the bullying I know I would enjoy it a lot more.

Well, somebody's sounding a tad more positive about school than she did on Friday night! Or Saturday morning, rather. Anyway, again, if all else fails, you can try to focus on the bits you do enjoy, and just grit your teeth and slog through the bad bits.

I am crying again so will end this here.

Actually this raises a very important point: sometimes dwelling on your Asperger's-related problems can get you a bit churned up. So sometimes you may find it advisable to take a break from the forum and think about other stuff. There would be no need to apologise for doing that.

Anyway I go to bed very early because I'm always wide awake by about 2.30 in the morning whatever happens, and now my eyelids are falling shut. So I'm gone for the night now. Time to get the coal in, make up the fire, and switch everything off...

 

[Aspychata]

Hello Missy: (Isadora)

You have a huge following of the forum here. It seems we all endure some type of it.

l want to say record, video tape, but the other half of me wants to warn you that sometimes the backlash is worst.

l also want to tell you how you deal with this sets the tone for the rest of your life. You have to become vocal. You have to speak up for yourself. The other excellent idea is ignoring but sometimes you are forced to tell people to back off.

What you feel about your dear mother is hard to deal with, the bullies know you are worried about your mother so they take advantage of that to push you down. Does the school have a nurse you could talk to about your mother's health and how you are handling this? Could you go gothic and freak them out? Black nail polish, black lipstick, the anti -look? Anyways, we are here in your back pocket or backpack, bunch of forum peeps here to trying to get you through the most frustrating time(school surprisely is frustrating for many).
Tally ho, carry on, maybe just laugh at them, they are running on excess hormones (that explains why it's so easy to cry right now). Roll your eyes, girls can be sooooo catty, even older woman, l deal with catty females that just want to claw your eyes out if they don't like you for something totally insignificant.

 

[Streetwise]

Hope its a sunny day !its going to be for a few hours in Sunderland ,its lovely in winter to see sun ,got to think about getting out ,mobility scooter would be a rest ,would like vegan choc mousse ,shouldnt keep thinking about it ,Ill consider M&S vegan coleslaw I crave it! but Im shattered if I walk more than 20 minutes ,have to grab as much as I can, I wonder if there is a everything in form of mousse shop ,cantonese veg stir fry with boiled rice mousse yum .

 

[Thinx]

Best wishes for the new half-term, your attitude sounds constructive and positive. Could you combat the tendency to cry by making a funny picture of the bullies in your head? They could be big silly blue bottles and you could picture yourself swatting them. Or are they fat piglets squealing? I'm a crier, so I know tears can come easily, but these twits are not worth your tears, they are sad.

Keep letting us know how things are going, and I do hope your mum is doing as well as possible, I am so sorry to hear she is so poorly. It sounds like she is getting a lot of help and happiness from your times together, that is such a great gift you give her!

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

Bullying is a pretty difficult issue. It's not something that can be legislated away or that can be effectively ignored by the victim. In many ways telling someone to simply ignore it, while meaning well, it ignores the way the bullying makes the victim feel. Telling the teachers, as I'm sure many can attest to, isn't much a solution either; especially if you have difficulty expressing yourself verbally as is the case for many autistic people.

I can't really speak for the experiences of others, but when I was bullied it was rather constant and merciless. They picked on everything from how I spoke, the clothes I wore, the way I walked, for spacing out, my name, my posture, wearing glasses, having big feet, my stims and even for being bullied. For me, it's not so much what they said, it was being isolated by it. There simply wasn't a class of nice kids and a few bullies. There were ringleaders and the laughers. Neither was better than the other; they were all bullies. At times even the teachers took a few shots for cheap laughs.

In that, I don't have a solution for the torment. I only hope that you can find acceptance within some part of life. Unfortunately, very few autistic people get through school without a significant amount of abuse.

 

[Isadora]

Thank you for all of your replies. I am so sorry for my late response to you all again.

My mum is in hospital. She went in yesterday afternoon because she was in a lot of pain and was running a fever. I went in to see her today, my cousin took me in. We are still here now and I do not know what is going to happen. My mum has not said anything to me today, when I saw her she looked straight through me like she did not know who I was. The nurses said they are doing everything they can for her so that is a comfort.

I will keep you updated if that is okay.

Isadora.

 

[Streetwise]

Thank you for all of your replies. I am so sorry for my late response to you all again.

My mum is in hospital. She went in yesterday afternoon because she was in a lot of pain and was running a fever. I went in to see her today, my cousin took me in. We are still here now and I do not know what is going to happen. My mum has not said anything to me today, when I saw her she looked straight through me like she did not know who I was. The nurses said they are doing everything they can for her so that is a comfort.

I will keep you updated if that is okay.

Isadora.

just talk (don’t block out your feelings !30 years down the line !,I am not in a good! way because of doing that )to somebody !about what you’re feeling! an autistic person would be ideal,Try to get used to not trying to please people you’ll get sick of it.

 

[Raphael Outcast]

Hey, poppet,

Again, there is NO NEED for you to apologise to any of us here.

I am not an expert in this field, but I have stood by when a friend was dying of cancer (and sometimes, standing by is the best you can do), and if your mother occasionally looks through you, well honey, that is pretty flippin' hard to accept, but maybe it's because the experts have pumped her full of morphine, because they want to reduce her pain, and if it's a choice between your mother looking through you and your mother being in pain...oh, dear, that's not much of a choice, is it? But the professionals have probably gone for the morphine.

Just try to stay strong perhaps (easier said than done), & stay with your mother when you can, it's horrible if she looks through you but she DOES still know who you are and she DOES still love you; try to talk to her maybe (they often say the hearing still works when other things have ceased working).

People are here for you, even if we can't be THERE for you, where you are right now. But we are reaching out to you & holding your hand & squeezing it until your bones creak, honey.

Update us if you want to. When you want to. When you have the time & space. But NEVER feel under pressure to come back here. You only need to be on here when you want to be & when you can be.

Good luck whatever happens.

xxx

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

You: What to do if being bullied?

Me: *points to teeth and fists* That's what these are for.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I'm bullied all the time.

I go to secondary school and am bullied everyday by the other girls in my class. They are always laughing at me or calling me names and making fun of me about how I look or how I sound. Most days are unbearable at school because of them and if it's too much some days I don't go in.

I'm on half term now but am dreading going back.

Just let 'em talk. If they're real enough to get in your face, you fight back. And if they lay habds on you, well, you got teeth, fists, and feet. Even if you get in trouble, you have a right to defend yourself. If you're allowed to have a phone, record them bullying you and the fight back.