Are Aspies oblivious to repercussions?

[Gomendosi]

Hello again...


SHORT VERSION (skip the following paragraphs): Are you aware of the consequences of your actions and do you tailor things you do or say so as to harm others as little as possible, deliberately or by accident, both in real life and on this forum?


LONG VERSION:
To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction is a quote so often used, mostly wrongly I would assume, I say it now because it is a principle to me, it is a way to live your life that I think is quite sensible, I also live by a few other sayings that include, but are not limited to; Always do everything as though you are being recorded by cameras, and microphones; Don't say anything about anybody unless you are willing to say it directly to the person themselves; You are responsible for everything that involves you, as you made the choices that got you there.

There are a few others, like the ones about nurses and whipped cream... eating on boats laden with livestock... shaving with implements found at the dump, that sort of thing, but they don't actually apply here ; ]

Now not all of these are followed to the letter as I am a human after all, but at least I give it a good try whenever I am awake, so if you've ever read any of my posts you would know I am not just making this up right now, every time I ask a question or give an opinion I try to be honest with what I say and how I feel, so it would be good if everybody else could be too, but that isn't going to happen is it, some people have shut themselves off, some have protective bubbles and some live behind giant walls. I can only speculate as to the reasons but that is their prerogative, so a lot of people cant even answer a question like this honestly, some wouldn't answer honestly because they might get further if they embellish, some might answer just to be a part of the scene and some people would answer just to **** **** up, I have no assumptions as to who does what (probably nobody will answer), but the fact remains that I would like to know how many of us here understand the ramifications of what we say and do.

Recently I was named as something that most decent people would take offence to and if anybody had read anything I have written before, they would know I am not that label if I am anything, and as part of my position here I am not allowed to argue, so my response was vetoed, but now I feel a villain, not a victim like some may imagine given what I am writing here.
I will say that it may seem like I am trouble sometimes because I have a tendency to ask really hard questions in really hard ways, sometimes I just try to cut out any fluffy ******** so everybody can understand equally well, so I can even appear angry or accusatory in some peoples eyes (probably one of the main reasons I loose so many jobs) but that is beside the point, the point is that even I for all my lofty wisdom and superior narrative skill (joke), am often a bit shy of the mark when it comes to protecting others feelings.

Having said that, of course I am going to get that sometimes others may say or do things that could be taken in a negative light and I then have to determine intent, but why doesn't anybody else have this ability?

Why cant others analyse everything even half as much as I do to try to decipher the true intent of what is presented - or-
are they analysing far too much to see how everything applies to them (even things that in fact do not)

Why are others so keen to assume intent over innocence

Again, I am not saying I don't do these things too, but for the sake of asking the question I have to take the contrary position. I have to play the devils advocate to engender discussion about things that people ordinarily tiptoe around or are overly cautious in response to. These are questions [like in my last thread] that I ask to further my own knowledge and understand people better and I also do it in the hope others may get something from it too, but oft' times I am taken wrong.

To that end I hope you understand the point of all this ; ]

 

[aceofhearts]

Hello again...
SHORT VERSION (skip the following paragraphs): Are you aware of the consequences of your actions and do you tailor things you do or say so as to harm others as little as possible, deliberately or by accident, both in real life and on this forum?

I do try not to hurt people with my words or actions unless they make me very angry.

 

[Axeman52]

I'm aware that there are potential repercussions if i do or say the wrong thing but i have a hard time knowing what the wrong thing is or predicting exactly how people will react to it. I try to be careful most of the time to avoid getting into trouble but i usually end up not expressing myself properly which gets frustrating.

 

[Maathematics]

Until the events of this year, I never understood that my actions had long running consequence... I always thought what I do is normal and acceptable (nobody ever told me otherwise!)
Now however I realise that I usually present as very aggressive, irritated and narcissistic.
I understand my sense of humour doesn't even slightly match most peoples (if anything they take me seriously when I am joking) and my tendency not to explain or elaborate upon how my conclusions are reached leaves people confused, offended and generally thinking I am stupid and crazy.
I am also now aware that I am extremely intense, blunt, opinionated, forward, and judgemental and that these traits do not make me popular at all (I had no idea!)

 

[Ereth]

I don't think I'm any more unaware of consequences than somebody who isn't on the spectrum, at least most of the time. If anything, my desire for honesty makes me more aware of the short- and long-term consequences of my actions.

 

[Christy]

SHORT VERSION (skip the following paragraphs): Are you aware of the consequences of your actions and do you tailor things you do or say so as to harm others as little as possible, deliberately or by accident, both in real life and on this forum?

In short, yes.

I try very hard not to offend or hurt other people. But sometimes I'm misunderstood. When that happens I try and explain myself further, and I apologise. I'm not interested in arguing, I accept that we all have differences in opinions and are entitled to this. So I share what I think and I like to hear what other people think.

I try very hard to understand why the person thinks or acts the way they do.

If I don't understand or the intent is unclear, I ask (particularly when conversing with aspies as I know communication is difficult for all of us).

Discerning intent can be tricky as it comes down to how well the other uses words, and also picking the difference between fact verse opinion verse the role of the devils advocate. I normally give them the benefit of the doubt.

I have been called "diplomatic" my whole life.

 

[Jeff]

Are you aware of the consequences of your actions

Of course. It's why I'm not in gaol yet.

and do you tailor things you do or say so as to harm others as little as possible

I almost never intend to cause harm. Often offending people causes them to become more defensive. Therefor it's not really useful for anything apart from causing harm. Sometimes though, I think people can take things the wrong way due to be overly sensitive and often it's not beneficial to respect that as then they won't ever grow out of it.

I think there are situations in which displaying anger by a raised voice or insults and hurting someone in the process can be helpful. It has helped me in the past. It should be unnecessary but unfortunately it's not.

Always do everything as though you are being recorded by cameras, and microphones

I could never ever live like that. I can't live by it. I don't accept societies rules and will break them if I feel I can get away with it, and I have. It would be a bad turn of events to find out everything I've ever done was recorded!@

Don't say anything about anybody unless you are willing to say it directly to the person themselves

Often I'll ***** about people to my family and it's a good way to relieve some stress and know that I'm not alone in the way I feel about that person. I don't think it would be good to say so many negative things to their face, nor do I think it's harmful to anyone to talk about them behind their back.

I try to be honest with what I say and how I feel, so it would be good if everybody else could be too, but that isn't going to happen is it, some people have shut themselves off, some have protective bubbles and some live behind giant walls.

Amen

Recently I was named as something that most decent people would take offence to and if anybody had read anything I have written before, they would know I am not that label if I am anything, and as part of my position here I am not allowed to argue

That sucks. I don't know what's more important, maintaining a friendly atmosphere and minimizing conflict or providing people an opportunity to say what they really feel. It's a balance of course.

am often a bit shy of the mark when it comes to protecting others feelings.

Good. People need thicker skin and they won't get there if they're treated like a baby. No I'm not advocating being mean or insulting, just not to be too seriously careful all the time. Wouldn't aspies in general prefer this, being more direct and honest?

 

[ifightdragons]

Hello again...


SHORT VERSION (skip the following paragraphs): Are you aware of the consequences of your actions and do you tailor things you do or say so as to harm others as little as possible, deliberately or by accident, both in real life and on this forum?

One of the more interesting questions I've heard in a while.

I would say yes, definitely and way too often. The sad thing is, it often ends up being counter-productive as my constant process of analyzing - as you describe it, and taking measures to protect people's feelings - end up coming across as wooden and stiff, i.e. not emotionally invested.
Like if someone asks me something about myself, or in any way try to socially invest in me through conversation, I will often try to censor myself in real-time, just to have every word come out lacking fitting emotion, if any at all. Maybe not so much on this forum, as I find it not as personal and intimidating as real life interactions.

To summarize; analyzing undoubtedly affects my ability to effectively and appropriately emote. When I say effective and appropriate, I mean of course in regards to the (neuro)typical world.

 

[Judge]

Some of my worst Aspie traits went unchecked on Internet forums for some time. Reading Neurotypicals in person can be difficult enough on some levels...but when there is only text to consider, yeah- it's gotten me into trouble in the past. Since understanding such traits and being able to place them in proper perspective, it's fair to state that I too go often out of my way to state something that is intended to offend. Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

But I still find the most costly thing to me is to say nothing at all, and remain in the background like a potted plant.

 

[JDartistic]

Until the events of this year, I never understood that my actions had long running consequence... I always thought what I do is normal and acceptable (nobody ever told me otherwise!)
Now however I realise that I usually present as very aggressive, irritated and narcissistic.
I understand my sense of humour doesn't even slightly match most peoples (if anything they take me seriously when I am joking) and my tendency not to explain or elaborate upon how my conclusions are reached leaves people confused, offended and generally thinking I am stupid and crazy.
I am also now aware that I am extremely intense, blunt, opinionated, forward, and judgemental and that these traits do not make me popular at all (I had no idea!)

I'm very similar...I tend to be completely unaware that I did or said something wrong until I lose friends & partners who never have the courage to tell me what I did or said...it's like socially, I'm acceptable initially, but over time, I seem to always lose friends...Even at work, for example, I was banned from sending emails, b/c apparantly I was offensive to people...I still don't get it, b/c I just stated fact...Now, I'm just gun-shy and often don't say anything...but when I do, it's like I'm a volcano, probably b/c I stifle myself so much... Yikes.