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Are all of you hopeless romantics?

My spouse and I continue our romancing each other with our shared outdoor activities. Today we enjoyed an easy paddle together down a river and out into Lake Michigan. I'm sure there will be cuddling tonight.
 
Not at all.

And I'm convinced that this had some role in the demise of my relationships with NT women. :oops:
 
I always attributed my hopeless romantic mindset to my AS/autism but I suffer not only from that but from a toxic mindset known as "one-itis."

I think having been in only one long term relationship thus far I was more in love with "the idea" of romance as opposed to an actual relationship. It's not just cuddling in front of a fireplace or holding hands in a romantic walk in the forest. It's sharing a living space. It's hanging around her family and friends who may or may not like you and vice versa. It's the small habits that may irritate your partner and vice versa. It's learning things about your spouse that were hidden during the courtship phase. It's learning things about yourself you didn't know. It's finding out what kind of a person you are once put into the role of a spouse which you didn't learn about while being single. It's a different world and to be honest too much to deal with for me as an aspie. I am still married to my wife but...it's not like the movies at all. To most aspies, learning from movies is their only way to a world they struggle to understand and for some never experience at all.

I am less of a hopeless romantic today than before meeting my wife.
 
This thread reminds me of my grandfather telling me with a twinkle that when he was a boy he believed women did not have to poop.
 
I dont think that i understand the idea of giving gifts, making surprises, giving fake compliments, and other kind of "mating games", but i am very into ideas like laying together under starry sky and listening to the music, for example. Or just sharing our deepest thoughts without any prejudice.
 
ElvenNeko said:
I dont think that i understand the idea of giving gifts, making surprises, giving fake compliments, and other kind of "mating games", but i am very into ideas like laying together under starry sky and listening to the music, for example. Or just sharing our deepest thoughts without any prejudice.
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Most people like gifts, (nice) surprises, and the like. Giving these things (in accordance with your ability) is a demonstration to them that you think they are worth the sacrifice. It is part of the NT language that is roughly synonymous with, "I love you." Saying it in ways other than words.

If you do love someone (and the feelings are returned) you can never say it too much. But saying it in a variety of ways makes it more interesting. A well-chosen gift demonstrates you have come to understand the person. Grabbing something off the shelf just to give it comes off as thoughtless and facile. Even if it is an expensive gadget.

People who consider only the value of the gift but not the thought that went behind it are not worth having a relationship with. That's just IMHO.

I don't know about fake compliments. That's not love or courtship, it's just manipulation. If you can't think of nice things to say to the other person, I can't imagine why you're together. An honest compliment makes the other person feel valued.

Starry skies and deep open conversations are nice but usually not something that happens until a LOT of trust is built up. No doubt this is the kind of scene you are imagining. It doesn't happen until a great deal of courtship has gone by. Never fails to leave tears in my eyes.

 
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But there is the things about gifts. For example, it may not be useful to the person. Won't you feel sad by knowing someone spent effort and resourses on something you do not need? Also if one person has no money and no talents to make something, it means he can't gift back, and will feel bad about it. Why not just ignore gifting thing at all? There are much better ways to interact with each other.

About fake compliments - most people suggesting to lie if you don't like appearance of other person, especially if it's a girl. There can be other values that are making person good, and i will say about them, but i can't lie to someone who i consider close.

And honestly i don't understand why people need to complicate things so much. If i see attractive person, and they ask me for a hug - i will not refuse because there is no reason to. Idk why it's different with other people.
 
I’m in between being a hopeless romantic and a realist. I would love to be swept off my feet and snuggle with someone as we watch movies and tv but I also try not to fall in love with someone blindly.
 
Richelle-H said:
At my age, I don't consider myself a hopeless anything. I do not think I could have survived this long if I walked around wearing my heart on my sleeve.

I honestly do not understand the romance involved in rom-coms or any type of film where there is a burgeoning interpersonal relationship at its center, even if it is not the point of the movie.

Thing is though, while I would once never cry at so called heart tugging moments in any film when I was younger, I find myself getting weepy with little provocation nowadays.

Probably just deep seeded regret. lol

Not something I need an answer for, just need to make sure a box of Kleenex is always nearby for those times when tears roll down my cheeks unbidden. Can't explain it, but I will argue that it has nothing to do with romance.

I would offer examples of what I am talking about, but....
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I find myself doing the same thing, tearing up watching movies. Usually, I think this happens when a character overcomes hardship and achieves success against all odds. Most people would probably experience delight or joy in this scenario. I think I relate to the hardship and struggle, and empathize with the character. Then feel embarrassed.

Interestingly, many times I am not aware of my emotions in real life and usually do not feel anything when a friend or family member passes.
 
ElvenNeko said:
But there is the things about gifts. For example, it may not be useful to the person. Won't you feel sad by knowing someone spent effort and resourses on something you do not need? Also if one person has no money and no talents to make something, it means he can't gift back, and will feel bad about it. Why not just ignore gifting thing at all? There are much better ways to interact with each other.

About fake compliments - most people suggesting to lie if you don't like appearance of other person, especially if it's a girl. There can be other values that are making person good, and i will say about them, but i can't lie to someone who i consider close.

And honestly i don't understand why people need to complicate things so much. If i see attractive person, and they ask me for a hug - i will not refuse because there is no reason to. Idk why it's different with other people.
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If you do not know the person well enough to know what kind of gift they would like, you probably should not be giving them gifts.

As far as compliments go, the person you are with is beautiful because of how you feel. If you love someone, seeing their face should bring joy to your heart. That is the only useful definition of beauty.

I can't imagine why anyone would refuse a hug from a desirable person. (On edit: Maybe COVID would discourage it these days.) Or from anyone who was honestly needing a hug. But some people do have very thick walls around their personal space for various reasons.
 
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I am not If I can control it....because your heart will break eventually. But sometimes you look into someones eyes, and something honest and vulnerable spills out, either vocalised or just through the eyes and voila, romance. Just happens. Feels like missing a step if it's good...
 
Everyone craves a hopeless romance, until you realize how completely hopeless it is. Hopeless romantics don’t fall in love, we walk into love-knowing exactly what we are getting into. We fall into your soul.
 
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