Anyone have trouble liking people romantically?

[Ste11aeres]

I'd like a family and kids, but the problem is, while I like the idea of dating and marriage... when it comes to actual concrete guys (I'm a girl) I feel no attraction. Though I did fall for one once. No one since.
Yes, I did speculate about my sexual orientation, but decided it was an emotional thing not a sexual orientation thing.
Anyone else?

 

[Athena]

I don't feel the same way you do, but thought maybe I have some thoughts on the matter that may help you. I have a boyfriend and obviously I'm attracted to him. However, some people, even if they are married, still sometimes feel attraction to other people. I don't feel that. I feel attraction only for my boyfriend. I don't know how things work for you, but for me it's very much emotional. I'm not attracted to a person if I don't know them. Personality is a big part of it for me. I couldn't be attracted to someone I consider a huge jerk. I don't know how you feel, but if I were you, I'd maybe try to get to know people before you try to romantically date them? ie. become friends with someone first. That's how it happened with my ex and with my boyfriend, I was always friends first (and not specifically looking for a relationship). I realise in some situations this may be difficult, though. And it's tough if you feel strongly about having a family and children.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the matter at the moment. Hope this was any help.

 

[pjcnet]

There are people who are neither physically attracted to men or women and they are called asexuals. There is nothing wrong with being asexual and some asexual people still get married, but you have been attracted to someone once so it is possibly something else in your case (well that is assuming there was physical attraction as it is still possible for some people to fall for someone in other ways without physical attraction). It is also possible that you could lose sexual drive and attraction for psychological and/or medical reasons so I would also ask your doctor for further advice.

 

[presshush]

I'm not sure if I would prefer to be asexual. It is difficult transmuting overwhelming emotions, but at least it is a challenge and makes you feel alive and thrilled. It can be exhilarating afterwards. Times in my life where I felt asexual were boring uncreative times.

 

[Ste11aeres]

There are people who are neither physically attracted to men or women and they are called asexuals. There is nothing wrong with being asexual and some asexual people still get married, but you have been attracted to someone once so it is possibly something else in your case (well that is assuming there was physical attraction as it is still possible for some people to fall for someone in other ways without physical attraction). It is also possible that you could lose sexual drive and attraction for psychological and/or medical reasons so I would also ask your doctor for further advice.

I had emotional and physical attraction for that one person. I don't consider myself asexual; if I had to find a label I'd describe myself as having a fluid sexual orientation, or something like that. I think the recent lack of attraction is part of this growing anti-social thing that my personality is morphing into. An emotional thing, not physical, and if the emotional aspect isn't there, I'm not interested in the physical side.

 

[HelloDizzy]

I don't tend to "feel it." Apparently you're supposed to "feel it" and I don't have any magic going on over here. I like the idea of dating and marrying and having a family but I have to do it by a different method than what is described to me by NT's. I do care about the person I'm with and I do manage to have long relationships.

 

[King_Oni]

I don't really feel like I'm "romantically involved" in my relationship either. Maybe it's just different reasons/criteria that keep me and my girlfriend (who is on the spectrum as well) together.

It seems more like "hey, you're good company, we have a lot of fun" and the added "I like you so much I'll get intimate with you". I sometimes feel it's more like a really good "friendship"... or to use contemporary lingo "friends with benefits" just more exclusive.

I don't see myself having a family anyway, nor does she... so I guess this entire notion of how we have our thing going works really fine for us. In the past I've felt the same about other relationships. I always felt it was more of a "friendship +" thing.

Maybe it's a thing, that goes along with being an aspie. Having only a few contacts, but having this one special contact with whom you share more. I know it's been like that for me ever since I was dating, and talking to my girlfriend, it was like that for her as well in the past.

Maybe it's noteworthy (and I've mentioned it earlier on this board). I've been in relationships with people (presumably) on the spectrum. And actually, come think of it, I've been with those the longest, since apparently we both had the same understanding of what our relationship was like.

 

[Nolan1971]

I don't tend to "feel it." Apparently you're supposed to "feel it" and I don't have any magic going on over here. I like the idea of dating and marrying and having a family but I have to do it by a different method than what is described to me by NT's. I do care about the person I'm with and I do manage to have long relationships.

It is different for everyone but there will be magical moments when you least expect it!
Hope you meet your true love Dizzy you deserve it! I have met mine!:angelic:

 

[Aalo]

Intelligence in potential partner is strongest interest for me. If it fits well enough, I think it can be everything that's needed. After all personality is the thing with which people communicate and fall for. I hope everyone hoping for a relationship could find some ways to like whom they like. Sometimes attraction grows slow, as it can start from something really small detail. But it can grow deep. Best of luck with that for everyone.

If I tell my pitiful story it might help others think they can do pretty good. :> I am aromantic, I don't desire romantic activity. I'm not even interested in dating. I find it difficult to get to known to anyone because I think there aren't much variation between people and we're all basically the same. It gets boring after some time. I don't really find it nice to cook together, or watch a movie cuddling in awkward position and get neck cramps from it. I've lived in few relationships that have lasted few years each, but I don't quite recall anymore how they were, but I remember that I never felt they were worth it. I have little crushes, but I let them go by, because I don't want to create any more of them. I can't reason abstractions like love or even "more than good time together" for myself.
Example: Most of all I like having meaningful one to one discussions, but I can't stand it if the other isn't comfortable when loosing an argument. I'm not able to calm them down from that. I can't reach much out of myself. I'm quite caring, but I can be that as a friend or random person in a bus. Even that I completely understand that close people, like siblings and significant others, should be allowed to show their bad temper and vulnerable emotions to others and get forgiven, and that I sometimes think it's not nice to be completely alone all of the time, I can rationalize it's better this way. And I enjoy being by myself, it's much more easier than getting constantly disappointed in everything, myself and others, in possible relationship. Warm closeness would be a delight if everything didn't tickle unpleasantly all the time.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

I'm not familiar with the lack of attraction but I have been confused about my desires at times and now I understand why. I want to be in a relationship and I have a high sex drive but I also like the idea of living separately. So for a long time I was quite confused about what I actually wanted. Now I know I have a need for regular alone time. I've also learned of successful longterm Aspie couples who either live in their own homes or live under the same roof but have separate bedrooms. So it's possible to have the best of both worlds, or friends with benefits as someone else wrote.

 

[Levitikuz]

I'd like a family and kids, but the problem is, while I like the idea of dating and marriage... when it comes to actual concrete guys (I'm a girl) I feel no attraction.

Exactly the way I feel, except when it comes to actual concrete girls (I'm a guy, lol) I feel no attraction. And my sexual orientation needs not speculated, I'm quite confident in the way mine is oriented.

 

[reindeergirl]

I find it difficult to feel emotion for that person. romance is dead with me I try and I try but it just wont work for me.

 

[Peace]

Hell, I'm even odd here. I am attracted to everyone. Well, not everyone, but I have NO problem with the attraction part, or the sex drive part.
Hey, you're kind of cute.

 

[Nolan1971]

No problem at all it is trust that is the issue! I can easily feel physical attraction. I am much more open than I used to be but trust absolutely needs to be earned!