Anyone got any insight into the aftermath of a melt down

[mattrix]

(A bit of intro)
There are lots of situations that I find challenging.
Generally I will try to plan for a difficult situation,
OR If I am really stressed I will script it, this is overkill and I tend to stick to the script no matter what
OR If it is optional I can just avoid it, my preferred option.

I am 70yo male in Australia (now this sounds like a dating app)

I recently had a meltdown.
My melt downs invariably happen during interactions with people.
I throw the occaisional tantrum at objects, but it is difficult to remain angry at an inanimate object.

I am not very eloquent during a melt down, I don't want to talk, I want them to feel what I am feeling, or to leave me alone.

I have a few triggers, that I know of.
* I have a few linguistic triggers, eg being told I "can't" do something (it is impossible) that I have already done (so I am lying) etc. I usually get argumentative (and probably sound like a crazy person) or walk away. I feel terribly hurt but I head off a full blown meltdown.
* medical procedures, what medical people think is the appropriate way to treat people boggles my mind.

This one was a medical procedure,
in my mind someone snuck up while I wasn't looking and stabbed me with a sharp instrument. It would have been better if I had seen it.
This was followed up by their usual insensitive and threatening behaviour. They expect that my life is in their hands, that I trust them, and I have no interest in it anymore.
I don't trust them, I feel that they are attacking my "self", my autonomy; and I freek out.

Now I'm trying to deal with the aftermath, and not coping well. It is a long time since I had a meltdown like this and I don't understand what is going on, or what to expect.

The day after, I was exhausted and very emotional to the point of tears. Snippets of what had happened kept popping into my head uncalled for.

Later I'm still very emotional, but the emotions are no longer connected to the events. I feel like my 'self' has been shattered into disjoint pieces.

Any insights appreciated.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I recently had a meltdown.
My melt downs invariably happen during interactions with people.
I throw the occaisional tantrum at objects, but it is difficult to remain angry at an inanimate object.

I am not very eloquent during a melt down, I don't want to talk, I want them to feel what I am feeling, or to leave me alone.

I am more likely to gradually shut down as opposed to having a full-blown meltdown... but I have had a few. For me, it's almost an out-of-body experience, extremely violent, I will literally hurt my vocal cords for days afterwards. On the other hand, I am typically pretty quick to squelch it down once it happens... but by then the damage was done... the other person terrified... and now I have to put my tail between my legs and apologize. I hate that loss of control. So embarrassing.

I have a few triggers, that I know of.
* I have a few linguistic triggers, eg being told I "can't" do something (it is impossible) that I have already done (so I am lying) etc. I usually get argumentative (and probably sound like a crazy person) or walk away. I feel terribly hurt but I head off a full blown meltdown.

Triggers... (1) being told how I feel, (2) being called a liar, and (3) disrespected. I usually don't have the time to become argumentative... it just wells up too quickly and I loose all sense of composure. Like someone just clicked on a switch. Zero tolerance.

* medical procedures, what medical people think is the appropriate way to treat people boggles my mind.

This one was a medical procedure,
in my mind someone snuck up while I wasn't looking and stabbed me with a sharp instrument. It would have been better if I had seen it.
This was followed up by their usual insensitive and threatening behaviour. They expect that my life is in their hands, that I trust them, and I have no interest in it anymore.
I don't trust them, I feel that they are attacking my "self", my autonomy; and I freek out.

I've been in health care for nearly 40 years... and I can tell you for certain, at my hospital, people can get fired for that sort of behavior. When people are put into a strange, scary environment... and they are sick or in pain... they are often the worst versions of themselves. We know that, so we are so careful with what and how we do and say anything. We will never impose anything on anyone... not even a child. If you are a grown adult of sound mind, you are a customer and client. You are paying your hard-earned money, taking up your precious time, interrupting your life, and asking for help. You hired us. If you want to refuse something... fine. As one might say, "You've made your bed, now you're going to lie in it."

Now I'm trying to deal with the aftermath, and not coping well. It is a long time since I had a meltdown like this and I don't understand what is going on, or what to expect.

The day after, I was exhausted and very emotional to the point of tears. Snippets of what had happened kept popping into my head uncalled for.

Later I'm still very emotional, but the emotions are no longer connected to the events. I feel like my 'self' has been shattered into disjoint pieces.

Any insights appreciated.

All I know is that after a major shutdown or meltdown, I might need a few days to recover. My brain is absolute trash. Good food. Good sleep. No social interactions. Leave me alone. Give me time regain my composure.

 

[Judge]

When I experience a rare shutdown, it's as if at the most intense point of it all, everything just fades into a white fog. Visually and mentally, where I cannot recall anything beyond that point until after it all subsides.

Somewhat reminiscent of those who claim to have experienced "lost time".

For an equally disturbing experience as the shutdown itself.