Anyone else here who tells blatant lies for the sake of it?

[ayoungaspie]

Interestingly I've read that most Aspies find it hard to lie and are very honest... sometimes that is true with me but other times the opposite.

For some reason, in social situations when I am putting on "a mask", I think of a hypothetical scenario, or something that almost happened and tell everyone it did actually happen. As an example, recently I almost killed all my parents' fish by throwing the plug over the fence while valeting my mum's car (accident of course), but I told my friends at college that it actually did happen and that the fish got fried! I don't know exactly why I do this, and I might sound like a bad person because of it, but in a way I think it is a desperate way to try to fit in (by having something interesting to say) and get some attention.

I'm just curious, is there anyone here who understand why I do this or have even done it yourself? Do you think I'm a bad person because of it? After I tell these made-up stories I do feel kind of bad, but at the time I'm just really trying to fit in. Sorry if this makes little sense.

 

[StephF]

Nope, sorry.

 

[epath13]

I've always had problems with lying, simply because lie is not the truth, it's not accurate, it doesn't match real events. That lack of "matching" caused discomfort. But my parents never discouraged lying, and I decided that sometimes I had to lie to protect myself or to create more fun in my seemingly boring life. I started lying around age 4, I thought that the only way I could do so if I believed that what I said was sort of true. I knew it wasn't true but I felt as if it was, therefore it was almost real for me. Lying has always been very painful and created a huge gap between my and their world. I stopped telling those entertainment lies around age 10-11. I would still say something from time to time in my late teens/ early 20s. Now I physically have hard time doing it. It makes me sick. I believe I started doing it because I didn't learn to deal with my inner struggle and lack of acceptance appropriately. But, to be fair, friends loved my stories and couldn't get enough of them so now instead of telling lies, I write stories

 

[JMcCauley]

I do it. I'm not sure why. I never lie about important stuff, just little things, for no reason at all.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

If you keep up with the lying then its going to become a habit that you will find hard to stop. The thing is that you won't be able to keep up with the lies either and you might get caught. Another thing is that people aren't dumb - they can tell a lot of the time when someone is lying or making up a story like with you and the fish.

I had a friend in my ex group of friends (we'd been friends for over 20 years) and this friend was a compulsive liar. Everything that happened to her was some big story equivalent to what would happen in a movie. Your normal person knows that usually in real life something doesn't happen all the time like it does in the movies. This friend of ours also had nothing to back up these experiences (pictures, etc). It got to the point that none of us believed what came out of her mouth and if something really interesting actually happened to her we didn't believe that either because we thought it was another one of her made up stories again.

You'll see a lot of NT's lying on Facebook about what happens in their life because they want to outdo the other person and make everyone believe that their life is really exciting. Truth be told, behind the scenes these people are probably spending the weekend on the couch watching TV just like all the rest of us.

 

[JMcCauley]

It's way past that point. I'm so used to getting caught lying that I just respond with, "yeah, sorry, I lied" which is usually enough considering how unimportant my lies are.

 

[ayoungaspie]

I think you guys are right, it is a bit of a bad habit for me. When I told my friends about the fish one even told my teacher who laughed, and said he has a son on the autism spectrum and could imagine him doing something like it! It felt good but I am kind of worried he will mention it to my parents one day, and I obviously will have no way to explain myself except by admitting it was a lie.

I do like the idea of writing stories instead though.

 

[Suzanne]

Yes, I do have this problem and also the opposite.

So if I am relating something, in my scenario it went a different way and I start saying it and stop and say: actually I lied there, sorry about that, because my conscious tells me that I am lying and I just cannot continue, even though I would like to.

For me, far worst is the chronic need to tell the truth, but in most cases, when it can hurt another and I have to discipline myself to keep my mouth shut; times I have not, are the worst!

It is not always beneficial to the other to tell the truth. But when asks for an honest opinion, I will give it, but not unkindly.

 

[On the Inside]

For me, far worst is the chronic need to tell the truth, but in most cases, when it can hurt another and I have to discipline myself to keep my mouth shut; times I have not, are the worst!

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I don't think we are quite talking about the same thing Suzanne, but I also find the chronic need to tell the truth to be difficult.

Sometimes, the truth really exposes how messed up I am, how much I've screwed something up, or that I've forgotten something once again. So I am tempted to lie or not tell the whole story to cover up. I am working on this with my therapist, because it has caused problems in my relationship. I have been being very vigilant to notice instances where I am tempted to lie, or not give the full story, and say "here is where I might not tell the truth, and why I feel that way".

It has been working, this past weekend there was a case (home repair) where I could have covered up the truth, no one would have been able to check it, yet I told the truth and instead of looking like someone who had it all worked out, it came out that I missed a step that cost us $20 we didn't need to spend, and some time. Seems like no biggie, but its huge for me.

I certainly do not tell blatant lies just for the heck of it, though. It does bother me something fierce when I try to cover things up; it's been a relief to accept that I screw up, forget things etc. and be up front about it. That's OK, it is part of who I am, I don't have to cover up my mistakes, or try so hard to be seen as an effective, proactive guy. It has had a big positive effect on my anxiety.

There is a lot of weight put on the Aspie trait of "honest to a fault" and I have had to answer to the statement "I thought Aspies couldn't lie!" Being an Aspie does not negate personality traits, especially ones that were formed from the insecurity of growing up in an abusive family. No excuse, but something I gotta work through.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I so rarely lie that when I do, I agonize over it for days or weeks, sometimes longer.

But I am good at examining the truth from so many different angles until I find a perspective of it that fits my experience of it. I try to stay accountable to authenticity in all of that--I'm not looking for a "twist" that makes the truth more palatable so much as just trying to find what perspective explains my personal experience best. But then I can see so many other ways of looking at it, too, that sometimes I'm not even sure anymore what is really real...which way of looking at it is more true?

 

[Jess]

I feel very bad when I lie, but feel like I can pull off a lie fairly well. It was a real problem for me as a child though. I really would just make things up for the sake of it. I'd tell people stories to make myself sound more interesting, for one thing, but I'd also lie about little details that didn't matter whatsoever.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I can be a very good liar when I want to be and it doesn't bother me. I've put on my best performances when I needed to protect somebody. Things at home weren't exactly perfect for several years, so I ran interference between my mom and sister so both could have peace of mind and some sort of communication was there without anybody getting into trouble or mad at each other. I kept both of them fooled until the situation got better, then let them in on all I was doing. They were both grateful for it though. Ignorance truly is bliss, especially when you're not the one having to keep up with stuff and directly deal with it.

When I was a kid, I would never, ever admit to having done something wrong unless there was no way to avoid it. If I'd accidentally broken something, made a mess, or other minor thing, I would say I had no idea what happened but would actively help them fix it, clean it up, or whatever. I had no problem paying the penance. I just didn't want to listen to them whine, nag, and complain!

 

[Naturalist]

I once wrote an entire essay about my wierd relationship with lies. I swear I will publish it one day. The gist of it is this: I learned early in life that the truth I spoke wasn't acceptable to most people. It was painful to lie, but it was more painful when people ridiculed my honesty for reasons I couldn't understand. If I lied, they might know I was lying and still ridicule the lie, but at least they were criticizing a statement to which I had no personal allegiance.

I hate lies, they confuse me, and I don't have any clear sense about when lying is appropriate, so I often find myself lying over stupid things that do not warrant a lie and then telling the truth when, as Suzanne suggested, it might actually be advantageous or "polite" to lie.

Occasionally, if I am in the right mood, I will say something outrageous just to see others react to it. But since I own that such a statement is untrue almost immediately afterward, I don't count it with the lies so much as...improvisational acting. In any event, I am not aiming so much to deceive as to deflect.

 

[ayoungaspie]

By the way the term I meant to say in this topic was "pathological lying", I never knew that term until just now.