Any advice i dont know what to do

[Levitat0r]

I can't think of a more hurtful thing to imply or insinuate towards any autistic person.

But we exist in an era where such malice is a virtue to some, in a very nasty culture war happening in real time.

Sometimes, I suspect that they think that people with autism are useful tools, or sometimes even weapons. It's like putting your hand over someone's mouth and then tormenting them until they do whatever sick thing you want. A lot of us have no understanding of how inaudible we are. Nobody listens on a good day, and when you tell that people are exploiting you they go "No wonder you think that, I can tell you're a fool by looking/listening to you".

 

[Forest Cat]

Out of curiosity I put one of the names, A.B., that flashed on the commercial in my search bar and the result said "AB is on facebook . But when I clicked on AB it took me to my friend's facebook page with complete access to her account,

If your friend used your computer to access her account and then she didn't log out afterwards and you then click on a facebook link, it will probably take you to the facebook account that is still logged in on your computer. So there's nothing weird about that, if you clicked a link and ended up on your friends account.

 

[Richelle-H]

As others have suggested, what happened could have been the result of her using your computer at some point. Also, the defaults within Facebook need attention for the user to lock their account down as there are many individual settings buried deep of which many users are totally unaware. I am a retired programmer/analyst and have set my Facebook settings so that no one can look at or comment on my page unless they are an accepted friend.

While you do not say what variation of browser you are using, the majority are implementations of Google chrome with variations. Chrome may automatically save sign-in information and automatically log into a website without any awareness on the user's part. You can check if this is the case by clicking on the three dot vertical bar to the left (edit: right not left) then clicking on settings. This will open a tab that displays potential setting categories on the. Selecting autofill and passwords will take you to a different page. Clicking the settings on that one will open up yet another page. If the setting for "sign in automatically" is turned on, this could explain what happened, if Facebook showed as an autofill candidate when you first opened Autofill and passwords.

Many users are not even aware of how exposed they are. You can clear auto-fills using the advanced tab in the privacy and security settings. This might supply you with information relating to your reported incident. Beyond that there is the security settings on her actual page. If she is not aware of the internal settings of Facebook, as many are clueless, she should probably be made aware. Personal security on the internet should never be ignored.

I wish you all the best in resolving the issue without trauma.

 

[Levitat0r]

As others have suggested, what happened could have been the result of her using your computer at some point. Also, the defaults within Facebook need attention for the user to lock their account down as there are many individual settings buried deep of which many users are totally unaware. I am a retired programmer/analyst and have set my Facebook settings so that no one can look at or comment on my page unless they are an accepted friend.

While you do not say what variation of browser you are using, the majority are implementations of Google chrome with variations. Chrome may automatically save sign-in information and automatically log into a website without any awareness on the user's part. You can check if this is the case by clicking on the three dot vertical bar to the left (edit: right not left) then clicking on settings. This will open a tab that displays potential setting categories on the. Selecting autofill and passwords will take you to a different page. Clicking the settings on that one will open up yet another page. If the setting for "sign in automatically" is turned on, this could explain what happened, if Facebook showed as an autofill candidate when you first opened Autofill and passwords.

Many users are not even aware of how exposed they are. You can clear auto-fills using the advanced tab in the privacy and security settings. This might supply you with information relating to your reported incident. Beyond that there is the security settings on her actual page. If she is not aware of the internal settings of Facebook, as many are clueless, she should probably be made aware. Personal security on the internet should never be ignored.

I wish you all the best in resolving the issue without trauma.

I've seen enough about human nature to be certain that they leave everything rife with intentional security holes. I try to live my life like someone somewhere can see everything I do, knowing that it's cosmically true anyway.

 

[Hypnalis]

@RemyZee

What you should do now is clear:

Tell her that you've spoken to people (here) who use Facebook routinely.

They've told you it's impossible for you to have accessed her Facebook accidently, and that the only explanation is that she had borrowed your computer, used Facebook, and left it logged in by mistake.

Stop there: don't ask for an explanation.

IMPORTANT:
That's all you should say. Don't feed her any additional information whatsoever.

For example
Do not explicitly ask her to explain herself
Do not add in "it's ok that you borrowed my computer without asking" or anything remotely like that.
Do not add in "you should not have used my computer without asking."
Do not indicate that there may be an innocent explanation on her part
Do not mention that weird advertisement or any of that other stuff

This is basic defense. It's also simple to execute. But you must stay on point.
Don't react to questions about anything that could be on the "Do Not" list above

If she's the problem, and you provide unnecessary information, she will misuse it. You must defend proactively against that risk until you're 100% certain she is not a problem.

Follow up:
What she does next is unpredictable, but what you do isn't so complicated.

Keep focusing on her explaining to you how you could have become logged in to her Facebook account.

Don't answer (literally ignore) questions about: your possible motivation, possible hacking, that weird advertisement, and any of the other weird stuff.
Stay on point: It's not possible for you to have accidently logged in to her Facebook account. The only explanation is that she made this possible. (Perhaps innocently. But she has to say that, not you).

Ending the discussion:
* Stop if you get a valid explanation and an apology.
* Stop if it starts "looping" (she tries deflecting to avoid explaining why this strange thing happened)
* Stop if she won't talk to you.

In all exit cases, stay calm and polite. Leave and take a walk or a coffee at a cafe or something like that. Take an hour (clears most of the the adrenaline, and reflection will help).

Ask her along in the first case, and maybe upgrade the location. But you'll need the time - you can "think" adrenaline into your body, but you can't accelerate getting it out again.

 

[Levitat0r]

T

@RemyZee

What you should do now is clear:

Tell her that you've spoken to people (here) who use Facebook routinely.

They've told you it's impossible for you to have accessed her Facebook accidently, and that the only explanation is that she had borrowed your computer, used Facebook, and left it logged in by mistake.

Stop there: don't ask for an explanation.

IMPORTANT:
That's all you should say. Don't feed her any additional information whatsoever.

For example
Do not explicitly ask her to explain herself
Do not add in "it's ok that you borrowed my computer without asking" or anything remotely like that.
Do not add in "you should not have used my computer without asking."
Do not indicate that there may be an innocent explanation on her part
Do not mention that weird advertisement or any of that other stuff

This is basic defense. It's also simple to execute. But you must stay on point.
Don't react to questions about anything that could be on the "Do Not" list above

If she's the problem, and you provide unnecessary information, she will misuse it. You must defend proactively against that risk until you're 100% certain she is not a problem.

Follow up:
What she does next is unpredictable, but what you do isn't so complicated.

Keep focusing on her explaining to you how you could have become logged in to her Facebook account.

Don't answer (literally ignore) questions about: your possible motivation, possible hacking, that weird advertisement, and any of the other weird stuff.
Stay on point: It's not possible for you to have accidently logged in to her Facebook account. The only explanation is that she made this possible. (Perhaps innocently. But she has to say that, not you).

Ending the discussion:
* Stop if you get a valid explanation and an apology.
* Stop if it starts "looping" (she tries deflecting to avoid explaining why this strange thing happened)
* Stop if she won't talk to you.

In all exit cases, stay calm and polite. Leave and take a walk or a coffee at a cafe or something like that. Take an hour (clears most of the the adrenaline, and reflection will help).

Ask her along in the first case, and maybe upgrade the location. But you'll need the time - you can "think" adrenaline into your body, but you can't accelerate getting it out again.

They say that no plan survives first contact with reality.

 

[Hypnalis]

They say that no plan survives first contact with reality.

Interesting response.
Are you suggesting I withdraw my suggestion because your experience suggests it not a good one?

It takes evidence to convince me to ignore my own experience and lose confidence in my skills.

BTW: The original of that quote is about something far more complicated than a simple 1-1:
"No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy".
Actually a paraphrase: more info here:
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Helmuth_von_Moltke_the_Elder
In fact, I've had plenty of practice with difficult and adversarial discussions through my work.

I've also watched such things being handled badly many times. The emphasis on having a clear, simple objective and not saying too much is based on experience.

Of course it's up the the OP whether she acts or not.

But everything they said indicates this this must be dealt with, and that sooner is better. We have to hope the other party is not malicious, but for now that possibility cannot be ignored.
Just logging on to OP's computer isn't polite, but it's not uncommon either. Denial/gaslighting is another matter - someone who reverses on (DARVOs) a partner cannot be trusted. It's a signature move of the "dark triad". Not proven, but it should be tested ASAP.

 

[Levitat0r]

Interesting response.
Are you suggesting I withdraw my suggestion because your experience suggests it not a good one?

It takes evidence to convince me to ignore my own experience and lose confidence in my skills.

BTW: The original of that quote is about something far more complicated than a simple 1-1:
"No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy".
Actually a paraphrase: more info here:
https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Helmuth_von_Moltke_the_Elder
In fact, I've had plenty of practice with difficult and adversarial discussions through my work.

I've also watched such things being handled badly many times. The emphasis on having a clear, simple objective and not saying too much is based on experience.

Of course it's up the the OP whether she acts or not.

But everything they said indicates this this must be dealt with, and that sooner is better. We have to hope the other party is not malicious, but for now that possibility cannot be ignored.
Just logging on to OP's computer isn't polite, but it's not uncommon either. Denial/gaslighting is another matter - someone who reverses on (DARVOs) a partner cannot be trusted. It's a signature move of the "dark triad". Not proven, but it should be tested ASAP.

No, I was just thinking your plan was way too elaborate, specific, and urgent for the discussion, but at the same time, I've seen myself do stuff just like that in hindsight. It's easy to get wrapped up in things.

 

[Aspychata]

You aren't psychotic or paranoid just because you accidentally saw some light on a screen or accidentally was logged in on an account. She sounds rather sinister to me, and very rigid with her thinking. She actually maybe everything she called you. Just set this loose, and be careful these days who you allow near you. I just said goodbye to a long-term friend who always critiqued me when l wouldn't do what she wanted. I cut our friendship finally.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I just said goodbye to a long-term friend who always critiqued me when l wouldn't do what she wanted. I cut our friendship finally.

I would've done the same. I was about to say that when people are overly suspicious of you for literally no reason (even if there's slight reason in OP's case), it's naive to think that this is just going to go away with time. That's a good time to have those difficult conversations, because if someone can't trust you in the first place, you're just going to be endlessly proving to them that you've 'got what it takes' to be with them. That sounds a bit uneven.

Red flag material for sure. I'd bail on that, but that's my preference