Anger with Aspergers?

[Plant13]

E'sprit d'escalier is the french term.

Staircase wit. The idea that by the time you think of a brilliant thing to say you're on the staircase on the way out the door.

So thats a phrase i used to use too much.
The other was 'la meme chôse' when i was at the bar. Same again.
Didnt work that well as i was hardly ever in france.

I should add that in certain bars I worked behind, those tosses of wit are well received. Know your audience?

 

[SunnyDay16]

Yeah for sure. I've taken things the wrong way too many times and have taken offense. I don't do it as often anymore since I've gotten better at reading cues and telling whether or not someone is joking, but it still can happen.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I should add that in certain bars I worked behind, those tosses of wit are well received. Know your audience?

Lol, perhaps i prefer to be obnoxious
A good fit.
I was angry as hell for years, didnt even realise.

What i used to was to tell the truth to people i didn't like.
Almost always it was taken as a joke
Almost always......

Now my preference is not to hang with those people and to try avoid the results of saying la meme chôse too often!

How can someone be so angry and not know?

Suppression of all thought and feeling helps.
I hate people who answer their own question

 

[Plant13]

Lol, perhaps i prefer to be obnoxious
A good fit.
I was angry as hell for years, didnt even realise.

What i used to was to tell the truth to people i didn't like.
Almost always it was taken as a joke
Almost always......

Now my preference is not to hang with those people and to try avoid the results of saying la meme chôse too often!

How can someone be so angry and not know?

Suppression of all thought and feeling helps.
I hate people who answer their own question

: (

 

[Plant13]

Lol, perhaps i prefer to be obnoxious
A good fit.
I was angry as hell for years, didnt even realise.

What i used to was to tell the truth to people i didn't like.
Almost always it was taken as a joke
Almost always......

Now my preference is not to hang with those people and to try avoid the results of saying la meme chôse too often!

How can someone be so angry and not know?

Suppression of all thought and feeling helps.
I hate people who answer their own question

Sorry about hating people, that takes energy. Sorry my style of expression doesn't match your style of reparte'. Sorry I have to defend the way I express myself here.

 

[SomeRandomAspie]

Has anyone ever experienced anger associated with this disorder? I mean someone could say something "offensive" and I take it wrong and I explode in anger at them when they didn't mean to be offensive to me or hurt my feelings. Sometimes I take things the wrong way.

I used to get angry but for the last 2 years I've been happy almost 24/7. Back when I used to get angry it was because I saw the inefficiency in things, not because I got offended. But anger and sadness feel illogical and I don't have the time to have negative emotions. Shouldn't life be enjoyed.

 

[Plant13]

Everyone gets angry as a response to confusion. Anger is a great cover and a modest defense. Any social interaction is confusing to me. Best to shut down, confusion is also embarrassing.

 

[S-Head]

All the time. And I'm not proud of it. I constantly take things the wrong way. It happens when I'm in a bad (or even neutral) mood, but that's pretty frequent on its own unfortunately. Someone might do something like speak in a slightly frustrated tone or simply tell me that I'm being too loud...and for some unknown reason, I just explode in anger - taking it as them judging me, criticizing me, looking for excuses to just be mad at me - and I do have the capability of making people mad, so I end up being paranoid that I make people mad all the time. Later on it turns out that I overreacted very badly and I end up feeling extremely bad about it, so I end up apologizing; but in many cases they're really hurt and not ready to forgive me yet. That leads me to another tirade of anger - this time directed at myself; and THAT in turn makes them even more mad at ME. It's a never ending cycle of madness (literally) and I'm simply forced to break it by going to my room not talking to anybody. I often think it's best that I don't talk to anybody period, I feel like each time I come to the living room at home I start some kind of argument or fight with my mom and dad.

It's hard to predict when this will happen and I really don't like pushing people away all the freaking time. I feel like I'm on my way to hell for doing this all the time to my parents. It's been 30 years and I yet have to be a good son to them. How they still love me is beyond belief sometimes. Half of these anger episodes really are directed at myself, because let's face it - I'm not very fond of myself. The most extreme ones are the meltdowns, and those are mostly self-directed. I'm tired of being angry and unhappy all the time. I'm tired of hurting the people I love all the time. To this day I still cannot deal with the anger. Like for example, my father simply told me to not be loud past midnight because that'd wake up the neighbors; I may not have raised my voice or yelled, but I got angry and called him a buzzkill. It triggered the process I described in the first paragraph. It (not it...I) just ruined everyone's night. How could I have prevented myself from calling him a buzzkill? It seems easier than counting to 3 on paper. What made me do that instead of just agreeing and hoping not to forget? Since that moment I've been heeding that tip like a normal man, and haven't called my one and only father a buzzkill. Like, why?? My doc told me to respond to these things as "an observation, not an accusation". I should have observed this as an intent NOT to be a "buzzkill" but an intent of stopping me from waking up the neighbors. Let's face it, I yell out random things all the time and I'm up at night (and that same night, so was Dad lol).

If NOT reacting like a jerk is so easy, why am I having so much trouble doing it? Deep down inside I'm not a bad guy and I very much frown at every single jerk I've come across. I brought up this issue in a different post and someone suggested that I should appreciate my parents more and to think of what it would be like if they were gone. I should have been doing that. They gave me life and shelter and this is how I repay them. I'm an awful son and they don't deserve me. Is there anyone else here who's able to prevent the anger before it starts???? It's been doing horrible things to me and especially the people I care about. I just don't know when it'll strike again. I need to keep the monster at bay once and for all. Do you guys think that if I had much better self-esteem then I wouldn't be doing this??

Well said. Replace son with husband and parents with wife in my case.

The only way I have found that works to deal with this is to completely blank my mind, like I'm a moron when she's talking to me. This allows me to empathize with her and not get angry, and have a meaningful conversation.

In the rare moment when she is actually expecting me to be "thinking" about the conversation, sure I will appear dumb. But we are family so I don't care if I appear dumb to family. This is my only way to justify switching to moron mode.

It works wonders for me. I'm not saying it's easy! Maybe try it and see if it works for you?
Practice makes perfect (and I still need practice on being a moron ) so whatever you find works for you, keep trying until you learn it well.

 

[Chance]

I am usually really good at not getting angry, unless someone is being a jerk, sarcastic, or putting me down after trying very hard on something. If I am tired, this can get pretty messed up. I will hold it as long as I can and then I just basically blow up all over who pushed the wrong mental buttons.

Thankfully this not some often thing. I hate being ugly to people. it makes me feel like a monster.
I always have to apologize, It just eats on me too bad.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

No, it's a normal reaction if you have been bullied in the past or just part of the symptoms of aspergers. For example, for me I was at a restaurant eating lunch and this girl was my server, she went to the same middle school as me, but she bullied me. I don't know if she recognized me or not, but I ended up not tipping her!! I don't like two faced people. I can be just as much as bully as her and I retaliate when people do me wrong.

Two-faced fake "people" make want to barf. If I'm in a bad enough mood I might even wish for them to die, but that's taking it a bit too far. In any case they're headed straight to hell and karma will bite them really hard at any moment before that happens. What filth goes around, same filth comes around.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Two-faced fake "people" make want to barf. If I'm in a bad enough mood I might even wish for them to die, but that's taking it a bit too far. In any case they're headed straight to hell and karma will bite them really hard at any moment before that happens. What filth goes around, same filth comes around.

I've wished people dead before. Then they did die.

Pretty sure it was a coincidence, either that or waiting a lot of time..

If you sit by the river long enough,the bodies of your enemies will float by.

Wish all you want,as long as you don't bring it about.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

Wish all you want,as long as you don't bring it about.

Not even when pigs fly. I'd rather die myself. My mind is still filled with so much anger though, and it sort of makes me dead in a way; it prevents me from living life the way I should.

 

[BradT]

Well, I have a right to feel the way I do. One thing I learned bullies are just very insecure people who are either having a bad home life and want to take it out on others or they are just pathetic period. It could be both, I don't know.

 

[SusanLR]

The science behind anger and how it affects self and others is documented. This isn't a anger management post, just what it can physically do.

I've wished people dead before. Then they did die.

Pretty sure it was a coincidence, either that or waiting a lot of time..

The energy you give off when angry does affect the energy of the other person's body. So, I believe it may be possible to wish, as you call it, someone dead or harm. At the same time, the anger is causing destructive forces within your own cells via chemical reactions. HPA axis reaction on body which leads to immune system dysfunction that can lead to system failure. The body's fight or flight from the anger releases adrenaline, cortisol, histamines, and cytokines which control everything from blood pressure to digestive problems and on the cellular level...destruction.
This somehow can apply to another living entity through the way we are all connected that can't be seen but has been proved. Remember the movie Men Who Stare at Goats? A spoof on the government trying to develope psychics who could literally kill by concentrating on a subject.
This has been tested on plants and bacterias.
Plants that were scolded, shown shears along with angry feelings directed at them daily withered or died.
The ones that were actually talked to and cared for with love, thrived. Majority of the time.
Another test involved diseases in test tubes in two rooms. One room had people go in everyday, express anger amongest themselves, argue, etc. and the germs thrived.
In the second room each day a group of people went in and used whatever their healing ideals were upon the bacteria, (prayer, reiki, thought), leave in peace and the disease bacterias died.

Just an interesting scientific observation of what emotions, concentrated thoughts and actions create and why. And we do what we will.

 

[Thursday]

While I don't explode so easily, I do tend to seethe with anger. I only explode when I'm forced to talk and the person I'm talking to uses doublespeak or is insincere. That triggers me.

When that happens, I get really wordy, often ranting and being sarcastic. God forbid it gets mixed with a meltdown, then I just end up using all my pent up energy crying and not making any sense.

 

[Debrah]

I would say that there is certainly a feeling of persicution in most aspies, that easily leads to taking the intentions of others in the wrong way.

Maybe it's not a persecution complex so much as it's just frustration that other's don't see things the way we want them to see them. Or frustration when people don't do the obviously right thing to do.

 

[tducey]

I've experienced this as well. Doesn't happen much now but I have experienced anger.

 

[Bolletje]

I’m usually a very reserved person. I hardly ever get angry, though I do get annoyed. The only person I really get angry with from time to time is my boyfriend. Even then it’s mostly just short flare-ups over things that don’t matter much in the big picture, like him being late.
The last time I really got in a fight is over 25 years ago.