Am I responsible for him?

[MkeRN]

Really struggling lately. I'm NT and he's my aspie. Lately I've been feeling responsible for him. Like I need to help guide him through conversations, or stay on top of my game and help him to avoid a melt down. Like the one he had the other night. For example, I felt bad about it because I've been working late the last few days, and wasn't around to catch the signals it was coming and diffuse the situation. Also I work a crazy schedule, and it wreaks havoc on his routines. As soon as he gets a flow, my schedule switches and he's totally off again. I can tell it bothers him because then I see weird things off in his routine, but he keeps denying it. Anyone have this problem/feeling? Like as a wife I feel like I'm supposed to help make his life easier, but I'm making it harder and not able to buffer all the blows....

 

[ChrisC1983]

look at it this way.. every human has their own set of quirks/issues/problems/preferences... everything. if he's denying that it's a problem for him, i can only guess he does care about you. as far as taking care of him.. there will always be give and take with him or anybody. if you feel that you are willing to take his bad days with the good.. do what you're doing

if it was really a problem for him.. he'll let you know. 1 big thing to remember with people on the spectrum is that they don't lie. it doesn't mean they cant.. they just prefer not to. he could be saying it doesn't bother him just to stop you from worrying but it really does bother him.. but if it gets to be "too much" he'll let you know.

also, a good person in a relationship will always feel that they need to make the other persons life easier and help them any way they can.. i can bet you had similar feelings with your past relationships where you may have felt you were doing all the work and the other person wasn't doing enough or not appreciating you (i could be wrong)


basically... don't worry about it. so long as he communicates with you somehow.. he'll let you know. just keep asking direct questions if you want to know something and dont "beat around the bush" so to speak.