????? Am I Correctly Aiming For Girls In My Own League ????? --Assuming leagues exist--

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

PLEASE READ ALL OF THE POST BEFORE ADDING POSITIVE, NEGATIVE OR ANY OTHER COMMENTS.

Right, so I need to seriously get an answer here (I’m failing so badly at online dating and it’s really bothering and depressing me) and I feel this is the best way to get a more exact understanding by using the link provided below with a visual representation of girls I’m not into (my own opinion), girls I believe are in the same kind of league as me (and of which I can aim to go out with) and those that I believe to be out of my league (though not necessarily more attractive). And 'leagues' are of course controversial and may or may not exist for some, but humour me here and assume that there is such a thing (some professional advice, misguided or not, even suggests and advices you respect this). If I had to rate myself then I’d see myself as a 6 or 6.5/10 (my pictures are included in the link), if others wish to then you can say whether you agree with this or not because my opinion needs to be assessed by others for me to understand if I’m being realistic or not (initially I was aiming too often for the girls on the right). So as not to get any bitchy complaints from people, I’m not going to say how I rate the others girls I’ve provided because it’s not fair to try rating them and I don’t necessarily see myself as being too good for them on the far left hand side either (but someone will no doubt find them attractive), but these types of girls are not attractive to me and I’ve dated one of them and the sex and relationship etc just made me feel bad for lying to them and myself. In the middle are pictures of girls (most or all of which I’m in the same league as and of which I would love to date because they’d get more beautiful with each passing day). Most pictures have two images of each person to give a more balanced viewpoint (providing more than one was available to use).

Incidentally before people start mentioning the importance of looks etc, they’re 50% for me, the girls on the left and right could have nice personalities (without stereotyping) but the one’s in the middle coupled with their looks I’d be perfectly happy with. I’ve only ever had the one girlfriend before but it was such a nightmare and I’ve never had interest from desirable women before or after so this is part of my quest to better find whats going wrong. I’d sooner date ‘Amy Farrah Fowler’ than I would Penny (Big bang theory). And I also forgot to mention all on the left have been the only women in the last few days to message me even though more attractive one’s (in my opinion- that are not pictured) have responded to my messages (albeit much earlier this year). I’ve only been online dating for a week again too.

http://i.imgur.com/oQ3CoJO.jpg

 

[Ambellina]

In my life, I have found that a visual interpretation of what is 'in someone's league' has never helped me. I will say though, that I personally think you are adorable.

My advice is-date who you like and who likes you too. Don't concern yourself with whether or not you're in the same league. You're only shorting yourself from possibly meeting some great people.

 

[zurb]

Haha, my first comment is if they are serious they should learn to take decent pictures of themselves. The wide angle lenses in most phones and computers are really uncomplimentary. A slight telephoto (classic is 105mm) is much nicer.

To me, you sound too desperate. Relax. Join a real life club - the people are much more likely to be in your league. Join something like toastmasters where social interaction is limited and controlled. If you find someone there, then ask them out.

Sorry it's not the answer you wanted, but I seriously think it's usually a more successful strategy.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I will say though, that I personally think you are adorable.

My advice is-date who you like and who likes you too. Don't concern yourself with whether or not you're in the same league. You're only shorting yourself from possibly meeting some great people.

Thats very nice of you to say so. Thanks for the advice too.

To me, you sound too desperate. Relax. Join a real life club. Join something like toastmasters where social interaction is limited and controlled. If you find someone there, then ask them out.

I've almost given up on trying face to face, think I got rejected every time in my life I asked, or lead on and then it's a bit awkward facing them after. I sound desperate tradgically because I am desperate, I'm in a lonely place with a great need for romantic companionship and all advice thus far (though I'll still try to ask more pertinent questions) have failed for me.

 

[zurb]

I've almost given up on trying face to face, think I got rejected every time in my life I asked, or lead on and then it's a bit awkward facing them after. I sound desperate tradgically because I am desperate, I'm in a lonely place with a great need for romantic companionship and all advice thus far (though I'll still try to ask more pertinent questions) have failed for me.

Forget the 'romantic' bit for now. How do you relate to girls generally? There is another thread on AC asking whether people relate better with same or opposite gender. For many aspies it is opposite, as it is for me. But as long as I was thinking 'possible mate?' I'd mess it up by saying something stupid or insensitive - usually in an attempt to be funny.
My advise is forget about romance and sex - that all comes later. Real ladies aren't interested in being the object to conquer. Instead they want to join you in the hunt - whatever it is you're hunting. Join a club where you have a common interest where you can work together. Make some friends that are girls. Marry your best friend.

 

[The Penguin]

Haha, my first comment is if they are serious they should learn to take decent pictures of themselves. The wide angle lenses in most phones and computers are really uncomplimentary. A slight telephoto (classic is 105mm) is much nicer.

To me, you sound too desperate. Relax. Join a real life club - the people are much more likely to be in your league. Join something like toastmasters where social interaction is limited and controlled. If you find someone there, then ask them out.

Sorry it's not the answer you wanted, but I seriously think it's usually a more successful strategy.

Zurb saved me part of the trouble of what I wanted to write.

Anyhow, I have been single for more than a year. Maybe two to three years, I don't know how long it's been. I learned the biggest mistake I made was rushing into relationships. Despite feeling lonely, you just need to find something to fill in the gap for now just like I'm doing. If you're going to keep thinking about being lonely, you are just going to keep driving yourself crazy. I have no idea when I find someone in my life, but I don't worry about it anymore. Yes, I get jealous when I learn people on here, or other places people are building new relationships. However, me feeling this way is not going to make someone interested in me.

I can also add my loneliness is much worse than most people. I have no friends, I don't have a supportive family, I was placed in a foster home at age 15 and lived on my own at age 17. I'm 32 now. I had a life that don't get much help from anyone. So that makes things harder on top of feeling lonely being single. Then worrying a lot of times am I'm able to eat, and pay the bills, etc. Why I'm sharing all these details with you, there are much worse things in life than being single such as what I wrote in this paragraph.

Your are better off trying to learn to enjoy life to make better odds of someone interested in you than continually to feel lonely.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

What happened with your first girlfriend that was a nightmare?

 

[pushpin]

Try to remember that most everyone (most everyone who is romantic and/or sexual) experiences romantic and sexual rejection. This rejection can be online, in person, etc. But, it's common to the human experience.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

We're kinda straying from the intended question here I fear, but in response;

What happened with your first girlfriend that was a nightmare?

God where do we start, I'll number them in case you wanna reference them I guess.
1) Well she confided in me (at first meetup) that she was raped as a child (which I beleive her about) however this made her very sexual growing up and perhaps in my desperation to experience sex for the first time (only if there was a genuine mutually agreed chance of course) we did it on the second date, but her expectations were ideally to do it at least once every day and perhaps she talked about sexual things too often.
2) She was so conflicted about what she wanted because one minute she was having a go at me for not being spontaneous and bending her over the kitchen table etc (which I wasn't willing to do) and other times she was annoyed when I wanted to do it at times that she decided were a bit less convenient for her. Or that I was the nicest guy she'd ever met and she was so lucky to have me but other times she felt I wasn't right for her (trust me if I'm not then no-one was, until she got help).
3) She had a fair amount of illnesses (these of course not her fault) such as colitis, sensitivity to loud noise and fumes etc, permanently injured hip through the excess exercise she put hereself through during the numerous child and teen years she was bullied in her hellhole (or perhaps I should just say sh*t hole) of a school.
4) She could go on very self sabotaging extreme rants and raves talking to herself as if I wasn't even there (even though I was being understand and trying to be communicative throughout).
5) Her living situation was fairly abysmal as her mum had allowed her other daughter and granddaughter to move back in during her absense (whilst at uni) and she wasn't allowed to have a bedroom because her niece basically had it (so she slept on a mattress on the floor) and there were a fair few arguments at home so at times she felt she was going to have to move out to a hostal because she felt unloved (in her younger years her aspie brother could be violent and she was neglected a bit and her parents split up).
6) She was always paranoid that men were starring at her (especially when alone).
7) She'd go off on a sulk a lot if ever she asked inappropriate questions about the other other girl I'd been with (as a friend of whom shared no romantic affection for me) always comparing herself to her and putting me in the position of lieing all the time.
8) I only ever (perhaps partly unbeknownst to myself) rated her a 4/10 and hated tring to play her up to a higher number (especially if she asked questions around this, though she was uncertain of my looks on one or two occasions).
9) She always though I was 'a boy' just because I lived with my parents and had a single bed (because she'd grown up and become sexual way too early, even though her first consensual yet desperate sexual endeavor was to another fellow aspie in a field.
10) She'd been on a sugar daddy website a few years ago so she was a size-queen (not that this part bothered me) but she basically regarded herself as a prostitute and said she enjoyed it.
11) Her ex (whom was in his late thirties whilst she was 19) bullied her when drunk (she lived with him and was engaged) and he partly ruined her (he made her take a feces sample from the toilet for his hospital appointment for god sake, eww) so sometimes she'd inadvertently say "NO KEVIN!" (my names not kevin) any time she got wound up with me (which was often).
12) One minute I was the greatest guy on earth because I understood her better than anyone and had very unique and interesting sexual preferences and was willing to try things she wanted.
13) She partly seemed unwilling to get the help she needed or unable to (psychologically) despite me really trying to advise her that she needed support (because only her dad really loved her and he lived away in a nearby town
14) The most peculiar and slightly disturbing one (ladies need not answer this, but if any are willing then please dispel this controversy) was she she never washed with soap...ahem....down there in her lady bush, because she'd been watching stupid youtube videos from this female advisor who said it was bad to have any contact with any kind of soap down there. So basically she only rinsed it with plain water and would therefor only ever have a shower and not a bath, but gave no evidence that she was genuinely sensitive down there, thus some of the time the smell was a bit off-putting even though it wasn't too bad. The advice she had read was that it fully cleans itself (sorry, but bullsh*t).
15) She was way too pushy for me to get a beard and to grow *all* my bodily hair because she felt like she was doing a school boy and felt *all* men should have beards, rather than respecting that I just didn't want to (just as I did when I wanted to see if she'd shave her ahem, bushy areas, not that I'm not turned on by that either way).
16) I eventually worried about joking around with her because I never knew if she was gonna turn on me and get upset.
17) She had a phobia for meeting any of my family because she felt it was too soon, yet going around hers wasn't easy because of her not having her own room so she would slightly pressurise me to get a place of my own (which I question if I could ever do).
18) She never really let me compliment her or her body and when I didn't she felt somewhat unappreciated.
19) She got annoyed sometimes that I didn't volunteer to pay for everything just because she didn't have a job due to her health issues, even though I had paid for certain things.
20) She practically accused me of being a pedophile just because (in a discussion) I said that "I could sort of understand why they did what they did" but she never let met finish the sentence so she stormed out and eventually when I got her back (having walked a quarter of a mile) she eventually said (and I jokingly imagine this accompanied by the sound of a dieing predator from the film 'Predator' now) "Never touch a child!!".
21) I was trying to encourage her to make friends (some of which her ex had cut her off from in order to control her) by going to group sessions with other apsies etc but instead ashe occassionally just got annoyed if I blew her off (hardly last minute) because I wanted to see a friend I'd not seen in many weeks or more and would rant down the phone (my friends heard and ripped the piss out of her for it and kept telling me she was no good for me and seemed borderline psycho).
22) She sometimes hated when I tried to give her advice or if I had a bit of a go at her because she always read it as a lecture and was always annoyed that I was so diplomatic about the things I was saying (which was actually in part because talking to her was like treading around egg shells).
23) I was often expected to agree with her or she'd get the hump or blame my 'pending apsergers' for me not understanding something just because she had to be right. (She would never go into primark and partially resented me from buying things from there) because of the supposed child labor.
I also felt she had very beady/shifty little eyes too lol, very weird or interesting when you were close-up. Amazingly we parted amicably and although I've said she was messed up, I've never said that to anyone without saying that she had (in some cases) disturbing reasons for it. Oh and I haven't thought once about publishing or showing anyone the saucy pics of her lol, which I'm proud of...means I pass the nice-guy test. Not that I'm perfect.

Can you believe this all happened over 2 months and about 7 or so meet-ups. Bet this was more reasons that you expected huh nurseangela lol. If you're a nurse then do impart a professional opinion in your chosen field lol.

Try to remember that most everyone (most everyone who is romantic and/or sexual) experiences romantic and sexual rejection. This rejection can be online, in person, etc. But, it's common to the human experience.

pushpin every time I see you on here I just see you being this extremely friendly looking Councillor or female activist or something lol....and then I smile at your username again of course (your reasons for it were funny in a respectful not mocking way).

I gotta say, I do like coming on here, some of you are really nice to talk to.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

That's quite a list you have there. I'm definitely not a shrink, but since I'm the one who asked you what happened with your first girlfriend, I will give an honest opinion of what I think and you can take it or leave it. I'm not your age and I definitely believe in mutual respect and some "old fashioned" ideas, but I'll give it a go. (Hold on cause I believe I need a small sip of wine for this. Oops! I accidentally tilted the glass a little bit further than I anticipated and ended up drinking the whole thing. Shame on me! Shall we continue?).

1) I don't know much about rape victims and maybe hyper sexuality could be a result because of it. For her to tell you on the first date would be very awkward and some people would be unable to handle that kind of information. If that was uncomfortable for you (I would understand that as "personal information" of that nature should never be told that soon), then I would have been respectful and listened, but would not have asked her out for a second date. Anything that raises a flag for you and makes you uncomfortable that soon when getting to know someone should be listened to and acted upon - this person was not a good match because on the first date she exhibited signs that made you uncomfortable so, therefore, no second date.

You may not like what I'm going to say next, but you rushed into sex too soon - especially with someone that admitted that they were a rape victim. People make fun of me because I believe that you should get to know the person first before ANY sex takes place and this could take a couple months or more. If sex is what you're after, your relationships most likely won't work because as soon as you have sex, the relationship gets a 100x more complicated. Most of what you said about her that bothered you would have come out in the first couple months and you could have made a decision on whether she was still the person for you. Think about that for a while before you dismiss the "no sex" for a while part - it may actually help you find a decent girl.

2) A little too much information for Grumpy Cat Nurse. That kind of problem is a sexual preference problem and could probably happen in any relationship.

3) It doesn't sound like you have any tolerance where other people's "ailments" are concerned and I suggest you work on this. I, myself, have colitis and several people do as it is caused by anxiety. The noise and fumes "problems" I believe a lot of Aspies have and I believe you said that her brother was Aspie so she may also have some Aspie qualities. Again, be more tolerant of people's ailments. These kind of "problems" are unable to be "corrected" by the sufferer. Just be thankful you don't have any of them.

4) Could have been a sign of schizophrenia, not sure without a diagnosis, but if that is something that bothered you about her then you should end the relationship - especially if she didn't want to get help. People are going to have their certain "quirks" and if it is something you are unable to deal with then stop seeing the person.

5) Her living situation is another thing she is unable to do anything about.

6) Paranoia is another symptom of schizophrenia. This girl probably had some mental disorders, but if she had been raped as a child it would be expected. She will most likely have problems with any relationship and in order for anything to work that person will have to be very understanding. I take it she is younger since you don't look very old yourself, so she may have better luck when she gets older. She definitely needs some psychiatric help for what happened to her and any comorbid illnesses.

7) I've said it before on this site, when you are dating someone or are married, it is unadvisable to have any close friends of the opposite sex as the one you're "exclusive" with will get jealous. A double date is the best way to go. Case in point - I had an Alaskan guy friend that I talked to almost every day for four years. He decided to get married and thought he could still keep me as a friend, but it ended up his new wife found me on facebook and my number on his phone and called me on of all days Christmas Day and said if I contacted him again she was going to divorce him that day and return to Germany. So that was that and I never heard from him again.

8) The rating system has to go. It's demeaning not only to yourself but to any other person. I don't know where you came up with it, but it's only going to get in the way and cloud your thinking of yourself and others. And what are you rating everyone and yourself with? There has to be a comparison chart. If it's the way you think people should be rated, then it is biased. Like I said, get rid of it.

9) That's a personal relationship problem.

10) This has to do with her personality and how she sees herself and something she has done in the past. You have to decide if you can live with it.

11) About the poop thing, don't forget you're talking to Grumpy Cat Nurse - I would have said "Give me a glove first" since I deal in that kind of thing. Anyway, that's a past experience that she just happened to share with you. It sounded like her fiancé was the problem. The name thing would bother me. You have to decide what you can handle.

12) Doesn't sound like a problem.

13) Yes, she should have sought help.

14) Ok, I am not Dr. Ruth Grumpy Cat, but I will try to explain this if I can. Yes, she should have been washing the outside because you can get bladder infections from not staying clean and hygiene is important. What I believe she was getting at is that douching is not recommended as it will kill any "good" bacteria in the vaginal area and most likely cause a pregnancy instead of prevent one because everything will be forced upward (and that's all I will say about that).

15) That's a personal preference she had. If she didn't like that you wouldn't grow a beard, then she was going to have to make a decision to stay or leave the relationship over that matter.

16) Some jokes don't fly well with some people. If certain jokes annoyed her, then those kind of jokes should be avoided. I have found that I can't tell some of my sarcastic jokes here because some Aspies may not get the joke the way I had intended it to be and it could hurt their feelings - so I try not to tell those kind of jokes. If you feel uncomfortable around her because of this, then you would have to decide if you want to remain in the relationship.

17) That's a personal relationship problem. It's probably best not to meet any family until you think that the person you are dating is marriage material.

18) Compliments are always good, some people have a problem with accepting them. This goes back to her own self image and she needed to see a psychiatrist about her past.

19) You may not like what I'm going to say here either. I believe a guy should pay for all dates. You would also impress a girl if you had good dating manners such as opening car doors and pulling a chair out so your date can sit down for dinner. And make sure you have the date planned first and then actually ask her if she would like to go out on a date and do these things with you - make it official. At the end of the night don't expect anything more than a smooch at the door. The problem with people these days is that they rush into sex too soon and the relationship goes downhill after that because they never really get to find out who the other person really is. Try to get to know the person you are dating first and keep sex out of it - that only makes things more complicated.

20) You would have to explain the conversation more in detail for me to comment any further.

21) During any relationship both people should be able to keep their same sex friends. If you are dating seriously or are married, more time should be spend with your partner than your friends. I already said how I view opposite sex friends.

22) Don't give any advice to a person unless they ask for it. I always ask first if they want my advice and if they choose to follow it or not is up to them.

23) Has to deal with her personality and you would have to figure out whether you could live with it or not.

To summarize, go out on dates and get to actually know the other person without getting sex involved so early. Dating should be a weeding out process of who you think would be a compatible partner for you. Have a list of what you are looking for in a partner and what you can't live with. Be a gentleman. Have good manners. And try to have a little fun in the process.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Great, thanks a lot nurseangela , you've given a good, well written set on indepth answers and now I'm probably going to have to take as long as you did reading them and answering some of them back again. I only felt I needed to answer Q1+3-11 and Q19 and a lot of this length is from quoting what you answered with, so hopefully not all bad for you or anyone else answering.

1) I don't know much about rape victims and maybe hyper sexuality could be a result because of it. For her to tell you on the first date would be very awkward and some people would be unable to handle that kind of information. If that was uncomfortable for you (I would understand that as "personal information" of that nature should never be told that soon), then I would have been respectful and listened, but would not have asked her out for a second date. Anything that raises a flag for you and makes you uncomfortable that soon when getting to know someone should be listened to and acted upon - this person was not a good match because on the first date she exhibited signs that made you uncomfortable so, therefore, no second date.

I listened and was and continued to be as supportive as I could. I felt like I couldn't turn her away because I worried it'd make me an idecent person, and as I was fairly depressed during the time I was with her (before as well) and had previously had health issues interfear with my life, though not so much now) I felt I was far from perfect myself, but yes she was worse). Also up until that point we were clicking and I was also too desperate to wanna walk away as well.

You may not like what I'm going to say next, but you rushed into sex too soon - especially with someone that admitted that they were a rape victim. People make fun of me because I believe that you should get to know the person first before ANY sex takes place and this could take a couple months or more. If sex is what you're after, your relationships most likely won't work because as soon as you have sex, the relationship gets a 100x more complicated. Most of what you said about her that bothered you would have come out in the first couple months and you could have made a decision on whether she was still the person for you. Think about that for a while before you dismiss the "no sex" for a while part - it may actually help you find a decent girl.

Nope I have to agree with you (so did my closest friend), desperation at the thought of finally losing my virginity and experiencing sex (which prior to a few years ago I'd have murdered my future self for near enough for dare even considering, much less acting on). My own depression at the time drove me to want that less than savory experience even though I sort of enjoyed some of it. Believe it or not I could and normally probably would never even mention sex to a girl unless she would....if it meant no sex ever then potentially thats how it'd be unless she mentions it. In life in general you'd virtually never hear me talk about anything sexual ever with anyone...not that anyone applauded that discipline

3) It doesn't sound like you have any tolerance where other people's "ailments" are concerned and I suggest you work on this. I, myself, have colitis and several people do as it is caused by anxiety. The noise and fumes "problems" I believe a lot of Aspies have and I believe you said that her brother was Aspie so she may also have some Aspie qualities. Again, be more tolerant of people's ailments. These kind of "problems" are unable to be "corrected" by the sufferer. Just be thankful you don't have any of them.

On the contrary, you'll notice I didn't add any opinions to this (think I may have left other bits out too) for the very reason that it would've made a long message longer (I provided it to give you insight into 'her' as a person), but I did actually understand, but both my friends and family were convinced that I was actually being too soft and understanding and that she'd never get a job if she remained unsuccessful in her very lax approach to getting a much deserved disability allowance. Eventually she was hoping to be able to work from home as an accountant, but too many of my friends and family became skeptical and put doubts in my ear as it was. As I've had life altering medical issues myself, I sort of saw it as common grounds.

4) Could have been a sign of schizophrenia, not sure without a diagnosis, but if that is something that bothered you about her then you should end the relationship - especially if she didn't want to get help. People are going to have their certain "quirks" and if it is something you are unable to deal with then stop seeing the person.

We did end it after 2 months and about 7 meet-ups, but the rants came later in the dating.

5) Her living situation is another thing she is unable to do anything about.

I suspect she was partially to blame for some of the things, but for fu*k sake, her mum was a counselor and diagnosed me with aspergers just by seeing me walk up to the house and hearing me talk (basically said to her "you never told me he was an aspie", not that she had a problem with me as her ex husband and son have it. My ex was cinderella to that family and I tried offering advice (but the little that could've worked to help her financially as well as a few other things) her older sister thwarted. I'm sure I didn't see the whole picture though. Agian this was just to help build the picture of her life, it saddened me a lot to hear how bad things were for her (sounded so depressive) but I wasn't going to snub her for this, however this pushed her to push me so hard to look into moving out.

6) Paranoia is another symptom of schizophrenia. This girl probably had some mental disorders, but if she had been raped as a child it would be expected. She will most likely have problems with any relationship and in order for anything to work that person will have to be very understanding. I take it she is younger since you don't look very old yourself, so she may have better luck when she gets older. She definitely needs some psychiatric help for what happened to her and any comorbid illnesses.

She never told her mum of the rape, but at least it wasn't her dad (which was what I initially assumed based on his occasional odd behavior she informed me of). I was 25 at the time, she was 20. She is the damaged results of too many things that never should've happened and was an emotional wreck who I enjoyed providing emotional rather than sexual comfort to as I kinda felt like I was doing something good and selfless...ish. Didn't help that all the moving around she did in later teen years from home to uni to her ex's, they lost much of her medical records during this time.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

7) I've said it before on this site, when you are dating someone or are married, it is unadvisable to have any close friends of the opposite sex as the one you're "exclusive" with will get jealous. A double date is the best way to go.

Well she 'was' a friend. It annoyed me when she kept asking about it because it was basically forcing me to get to saying "we didn't have sex or kis etc because we were never together, I saw her twice as a friend, but she had no further interest in it going further.....just like every other girl".

Case in point - I had an Alaskan guy friend that I talked to almost every day for four years. He decided to get married and thought he could still keep me as a friend, but it ended up his new wife found me on facebook and my number on his phone and called me on of all days Christmas Day and said if I contacted him again she was going to divorce him that day and return to Germany. So that was that and I never heard from him again.

Sorry this situation made me laugh quite a bit when I read it (I think your sarcasm added to it), but god how ridiculous. 'Trust thy partner as thy trusts yourself'. Amen

8) The rating system has to go. It's demeaning not only to yourself but to any other person. I don't know where you came up with it, but it's only going to get in the way and cloud your thinking of yourself and others. And what are you rating everyone and yourself with? There has to be a comparison chart. If it's the way you think people should be rated, then it is biased. Like I said, get rid of it.

Because some advise you (professional and forum users alike) to not set your targets too high to avoid constant disappointment. Someone on another forum possibly hit the nail on the head by pointing out that as a guy you needed to be rich or good looking and I didn't assign number to those women, I just pointed out in my opinion (with beauty and ugly being in the eye of the beholder, not fact) whom I found most attractive and whom I assumed I shouldn't bother wasting my time trying to aim for. The girls I did not like with a decent personality will get a guy, but I have to enjoy looking at the person I call my girlfriend as much as I do talking and enjoying her company etc. Besides everyone rates to some degree surely, I don't normally, but we all have ideals in our minds. This was just to give people an idea of what my view of beauty was when I make a fool of myself trying to reach out to other women online dating.

11) About the poop thing, don't forget you're talking to Grumpy Cat Nurse - I would have said "Give me a glove first" since I deal in that kind of thing. Anyway, that's a past experience that she just happened to share with you. It sounded like her fiancé was the problem. The name thing would bother me. You have to decide what you can handle.

Yes he was a nasty person who contributed largely to her more recent problems and always got her to come back to him (even texted her whilst she was with me). I always told her not to think of herself as a prozzy because there was a clear difference in that they'd go out for meals and it was about them having a sophisticated person to go out on meals with....unfortunately sex was always on the menu too but they were all middle aged rich guys (some of which wanted repeat services). She wasn't a nurse, ergo what he asked was unreasonable.

19) You may not like what I'm going to say here either. I believe a guy should pay for all dates. You would also impress a girl if you had good dating manners such as opening car doors and pulling a chair out so your date can sit down for dinner. And make sure you have the date planned first and then actually ask her if she would like to go out on a date and do these things with you - make it official. At the end of the night don't expect anything more than a smooch at the door. The problem with people these days is that they rush into sex too soon and the relationship goes downhill after that because they never really get to find out who the other person really is. Try to get to know the person you are dating first and keep sex out of it - that only makes things more complicated.

I don't like it much, but I'm happy to accommodate. Everything I do is planned lol. I almost doubt I'll be lucky enough to get another date...let alone turn it into a relationship, but if I do then sex is off the menu unless she ever mentions it- ha! Thats the learning curve for me lol.

Phew, thats all the ones I felt I needed to comment on (the others I either agreed with or didn't feel it was necessary to create a conversation around). Your advice has been helpful and along with anyone else who has or wants to impart further knowledge, this helps a SLOW LEARNER with very little experience build up confidence through deferring to the wisdom of an intelligent fourm community.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Try to read some books on building positive self esteem. Focus on the good things about yourself and if you can, fix the other not so positive things - that will give you some goals to work towards.

And BE POSITIVE! The minute something negative enters your mind stop thinking it and replace it with stuff from your positive list. I actually was doing this last night so here's an example:

I got a new job and yesterday found that I will be earning about $9 less than I was and I also got screwed with my 401k plan because I lost seniority (12 yrs), I'm having to switch my sleep schedule totally around - just alot of things because of me being fired. (Long story) Anyway, after a bit (prob 2 hrs) of this running around in my brain to the point that I wanted to cry, I caught myself and said "Self, you have to think positive. Be glad you have a decent new job that's close to home, medical insurance now, probably a lot less stressful, and it will pay for some schooling and has some of the same benefits you had before. And remember Self, that no one called you back from the other hospitals. And don't forget, Self, it is a weekend option job like you had before which is hard to find. The new people are very nice whereas the old employer is treating their employees like crap so just be thankful you're out of there!" So now I'm back to thinking positive about my new job and that's how that works.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

just alot of things because of me being fired. (Long story)

Fired, yer funnily enough so was I a few weeks back and am awaiting the results from an interview. The self esteem comes with knowledge and results because I never realized how out of touch my knowledge on relationship and finding a relationship was (that's where I need coaching or classes or just to do something because the knowledge has stagnated but I'm not putting it further into practice because I have no opportunity to do so as I don't have girls to talk to, not that it'd guarantee anything even if I did). I'm trying, I'm listening and I'm hopefully asking the right questions on various forums (still have some to ask and much to learn, but people such as yourself inadvertently answer some unasked questions from time to time which helps). $'s....yer I keep forgetting this forum's international and your advice comes from god only knows where in the world...here we deal with £££ not $$$...all hail GB, UK...England, britannia etc.

 

[Balkan1996]

Yep, you are 'in the right league' if you want to put it that way, but looks are a bit more complicated.

I assume you have rather muscular body build, so you could use that to attract women (don't post shirtless pictures). That actually has a lot to do with attraction. Look at it from animal perspective!
Muscular guys don't know this, but we, the skinny ones do.

Communication is 80% of relationship.
You may have low social skills, but they can be learned and you can find a communicative, understanding partner.

Be positive, I heard online dating may be a bit frustrating.

I wish you best of luck!

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I assume you have rather muscular body build, so you could use that to attract women (don't post shirtless pictures).

Thanks for the contribution. Erm why would you assume I had a muscular build out of curiosity without seeing any body shots? Nah I'd never post shirtless pics regardless, anything vulgar that just looks like showing off makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

[Balkan1996]

Thanks for the contribution. Erm why would you assume I had a muscular build out of curiosity without seeing any body shots? Nah I'd never post shirtless pics regardless, anything vulgar that just looks like showing off makes me feel uncomfortable.

Simple math.

Let's say there are 50% (relatively) muscular people, 40% (ectomorphs) skinny and 10% others.
Now, you have a lot of skinny but muscularly defined people who can still show of with their body preferences.
Therefore, I put you in that 80% of the population.

Excuse me if I'm wrong.


P.S. Being 190 cm - 75 kg is a perfect body measurement. Try having mine 192 cm and 63 kg.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Let's say there are 50% (relatively) muscular people, 40% (ectomorphs) skinny and 10% others.P.S. Being 190 cm - 75 kg is a perfect body measurement. Try having mine 192 cm and 63 kg.

The official term for muscular in 'endomorph' or is it 'mesomorph', yer it's 'mesomorph'. I'm basically 'average' or 'a few extra pounds' so I look big-ish. Wow, I'm 194cm and I'm typically anywhere between 99-105kg.

 

[Balkan1996]

The official term for muscular in 'endomorph' or is it 'mesomorph', yer it's 'mesomorph'. I'm basically 'average' or 'a few extra pounds' so I look big-ish. Wow, I'm 194cm and I'm typically anywhere between 99-105kg.

Your body size is just about perfect!
(investigate on the internet)

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

BMI (which I only partly take seriously) suggests I'm almost overweight. The thing surprising most people is my waist size of 40". It's true, but I don't look it. Lightest I've been is 92kg, but all I look like in a photo (taking it back to your original point) is a guy who's not a skinny twig or a fit slim guy. I'm Jeromy Clarkson (well, perhaps a bit less fat) in height, build and almost of weight, but better fitness.