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Am i a fraud

Its that i dont feel ive ever done right. To me working is so alien to me i dont feel ive done anything but have a free ride and its like a disconnect between realoty and how i am...i have a wife and child and when i look at myself. The thought of doing thinga day in and out makea me think ita all in my head. I am formally diagnosed but doibt even that as it worked into my do less narrative. i just see a bum. Im diagnosed but how do i tell whats a scrounger and whats autism
See if you can get a small job.
  1. It could help you feel better about yourself and supplement your income.
  2. If you hit it rich, you can get off of disability altogether.
  3. Until then, having disability payments is WAY better than not having them (especially when you have kids).
Autistics (even ASD1s) are disproportionately unemployed & under-employed. If you can do better, do better, but do not kick yourself for getting picked last to join the team. That is outside of your control.
 
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Is it possible im just one big excuse to myself
It is more possible that your frame of reference is wrong.

Have you ever been picked last (or not at all) for a recreational sports activity?
Whose fault was that?

You need to stop blaming yourself for other people's problems.
Fix what you can fix and make the best use of whatever resources that you can come by rightfully.
 
Some people are really just in the way at work. About half of worker ants just wander around looking busy. However, having a useful function is a great source of sanity even for dogs. Quite a few jobs that could be mechanized are still done manually because the crew likes working together, or because the boss gets more pay for having more workers. Some work is very repetitive, but some is different every day. I tried to get paid both in cash and in training, and before long I was specializing in "extra-odd jobs" that others didn't want to attempt. The combination of skills once saved a single mom $990 on a repair.
 
i seem to not underatand how to actually live
Do you mean like paying your bills and maintaining your house, or in some other way?

Depending on your severity level, you could get help in managing those (if you are in the USA).
 
I have no issue working paying taxes to support people like my brother in a way I was my brother's keeper. After all it was not his choice, his belief in Ayn Rand, ran contrary to how he was forced to live his life.
 
Before i would be on computer but do what asked...or go places with wife. Now i do pots....clothes...aome tidying...sometimes cuppa etcif its cols out make her a hor water bottle rub feet. Insidw im fighting to do them...like effort...im hating myself every day
 
All i can remember all my life is like ive blocked out reality just lived on benefits and never really built myself...just bed whenever...gaming etc...never stepped foot in work really and always super anxious never a man. Is this right to choose not to work
I have worked most of my adult life. I am currently not working and haven’t for a year. I worked for 25 years and got bullied at most of the places I worked at because I ‘didn’t look normal’. I would cry everyday I came home from work. For me personally it made my mental health so bad it was not worth going into work struggled everyday. Some people can work and some people just can’t. It doesn’t make you any less of a person. You have to do what is best for YOU and what YOU can cope with.
 
I juat want to be home and not have to go out cept to where my wife goes. I am struggling so much mentally i dont think im going to last at all in a work place...im too gentile and to be honest unhinged at this point. I know ots a rejection and i dont deserve it amd should man up bit im jist not bilt for it amd i jist wamt to live out my days without much...just to have loved my daughter
 

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