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Always Feeling Inferior

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I prefer shy girls but most girls like alpha males
So did I and had a crush on a shy animal caretaker who was helping me with my research. I was too frightened to approach her (she was so very cute) even when I started dating.

I too used to think that women only fell for jerks and manipulators. But as I went through therapy I had to recognize that I never put myself forward to give them a choice. Happily when I cold-called my future spouse, I did not realize that she is basically shy. I learned that when she was hopeful of making a connection for a relationship, afterwards she had felt used by men. She told me that of all those men, she fell in love with me because I was concerned about her feelings and genuinely cared about her and it showed in our love making.

So the only advice I have for you vis a vis your concern for appearances is to make yourself healthy and presentable. Then work on your inner self. Like who you are, have and enjoy your interests, and when you find a compatible and accepting women, enjoy common experiences with her. I am usually an early riser and I still find myself looking at her sleeping and thinking how lucky I have been.
 

Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
By the metric of achieving overall happiness, life satisfaction etc. I am sure someone will respond with "but i am autistic and happy", but empirical data is pretty clear about the prognosis of our condition.
I see where you are going with this, but I guess I might not consider this as "inferior" per se. I do agree with this statement though,...as you suggest, statistical data would certainly concur.
 

Gift2humanity

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
regardless of what I do, I will always feel inferior

Perception is very different from reality

In my mind, I’m always short, fat and lazy when in reality it’s not the case, not even close

How do I shake the idea I’m never going to be good enough?
I grew up feeling inferior.
I disliked that I was bad at sport, a bit weird, different from the others, unpopular, wore glasses, miserable.
My Dad made fun of my glasses at 4yrs old, so I had a complex about them.
I was eccentric, unique, yet wanted to "fit in" with mediocrity.
Nothing wrong with glasses. I behaved like the only one who wore them, when loads of other kids at school did, even my bully.
I was highly sensitive, nurtured right, this can be an asset, intuitive, perceptive.
Instead I was over emotional, and missed things easily.
I bought my property, it's a flat with major structural defects.
I would have had it surveyed, however, I struggle to forgive myself for listening to my mother's bad advice not to get my first old house surveyed, that also had major structural defects.
I did not know that she wanted to keep me living with her, so she could take out her anger at my abusive Dad onto me.
I now have to try to rectify the problems with this flat, I did try and went down to seven stone in weight in the process, a few years before lockdown.
I became a recluse and was indoors years before lockdown, so lockdown did not make a difference to me.
It's only in the last few years I discovered a brilliant singing talent, artistic talent, and I like writing, but there is a part of me that says my flat is damaged beyond repair, and has knackered the other flats under it, and it's too late to sing and draw, even though we have a splendid unique arts centre here, where I have the best friends I have ever made.
I keep going back in time to 1991 and imagining I ignored my mothers advice not to get the house surveyed, as I wanted to get all properties surveyed, I think it's an evil act to advise a daughter not to get a house with structural defects surveyed.
I would have got this flat surveyed.
I sound like I am blaming her, I feel so full of regrets, they take my energy away, so I lack motivation, and find it really hard to get out of bed, even though I have wonderful friends and places to go, like my life is on hold.
I feel a failure because of it.
I also hate being scolded and worry about being scolded in future.
 

KevinMao133

Well-Known Member
But, you are not inferior. Different is NOT inferior.

I certainly feel inferior. I know I’m not inferior and I trust myself but that’s it, the trust is between me and me only

the trust is simply not there and will not be repaired. Also I don’t feel safe, at least not safe enough to show my true colors
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
What woul
I certainly feel inferior. I know I’m not inferior and I trust myself but that’s it, the trust is between me and me only

the trust is simply not there and will not be repaired. Also I don’t feel safe, at least not safe enough to show my true colors
What would help to gain confidence that you are not inferior? What about your interests and seeing them as making you an interesting person? Certainly there are things you have done that go beyond your neurology. Do not seek validation in other people. If you desire a relationship in the future you will need to be vulnerable because it is not an easy task. (at least it was hard for me.)

At your age I decided that I was done with years of isolation and decided that I was going to like myself, and started investing in my interests and taking part in life, even if it meant doing things alone for a start. I would think of myself as an adventurous interesting person as I stretched my limits, learning to ski that winter. Soon I felt confident enough to ask women out. I was rejected at times, but the successes kept me going until I met my future spouse.

I am sure you have good qualities that show that you are not inferior. When you tell yourself that you are inferior, what can you say to counter that lie?
 

Ronald Zeeman

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I have never felt inferior, just a bit damaged goods as I cannot straighten my legs completely, do to transverse myelitis. Never felt inferior. Happy for the gifts I was given genetically, enriched my life. not having been abused or bullied or having co morbidities also helps I Suspect I am more typical of the general population of high functioning autistics, who are successful. Lots of scientists engineer's. This site is not something they would seek out,
 
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Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yes we are.
In what way? We make intellectual connections where others cannot, are frequently good at technical and engineering disciplines, have good focus with things that interest us, and when we manage to find a life companion are dedicated and loving.

Yes, we frequently have social and communication issues, yet there are those of us who have found ways out of that cage when we climb out of the rabbit hole of self pity. While at my worst I expressed Schizotypal PD, I was not ADD and so could think in the long term and prepare economically for life.

I refuse to identify as inferior.
 
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KevinMao133

Well-Known Member
What woul

What would help to gain confidence that you are not inferior? What about your interests and seeing them as making you an interesting person? Certainly there are things you have done that go beyond your neurology. Do not seek validation in other people. If you desire a relationship in the future you will need to be vulnerable because it is not an easy task. (at least it was hard for me.)

At your age I decided that I was done with years of isolation and decided that I was going to like myself, and started investing in my interests and taking part in life, even if it meant doing things alone for a start. I would think of myself as an adventurous interesting person as I stretched my limits, learning to ski that winter. Soon I felt confident enough to ask women out. I was rejected at times, but the successes kept me going until I met my future spouse.

I am sure you have good qualities that show that you are not inferior. When you tell yourself that you are inferior, what can you say to counter that lie?
Autistic people are inferior

we are, to many. That’s why its time to change, it’s time for the world to finally respect who we are as humans and it’s time to take the initiative
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
we are, to many. That’s why its time to change, it’s time for the world to finally respect who we are as humans and it’s time to take the initiative
Not knowing that I was ASD, I did not want respect that I did not earn. I was respected for my intelligence, though as a teen I would have rather been respected for other things. Especially in my last job I was respected for my decisions regarding quality.
 

Twitch

Destroyer of worlds. Well, my own anyway.
regardless of what I do, I will always feel inferior

Perception is very different from reality

In my mind, I’m always short, fat and lazy when in reality it’s not the case, not even close

How do I shake the idea I’m never going to be good enough?
Only ever compare yourself TO yourself yesterday. Never anyone else.
 

KevinMao133

Well-Known Member
Not knowing that I was ASD, I did not want respect that I did not earn. I was respected for my intelligence, though as a teen I would have rather been respected for other things. Especially in my last job I was respected for my decisions regarding quality.

of course but many of us don’t get the respect we deserve. Too many point at us for being different and magnify our flaws

truth is a lot of NTs got major flaws too. Some of them are already damaged. Heck if we really play the blame game, it can go on and on
 

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