AI Acknowledges That This Is Involuntary And My ADHD + Personality May Be The Cause

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

I've been well informed that my facial regulation is my responsibility and that I should respect others enough to make normal expressions and have been given advice to practice in front of a mirror or record myself so I can practice looking normal. However, when certain emotional triggers signal in my mind I literally can't make my face look normal but people that give advice for employment don't seem to believe me. When I try to suppress it it seems to make it worse, yet when I try to explain many people are like well if you won't mask it that your stubborn head problem and you deserve some consequences. Well, I know AI doesn't count as a diagnosis but AI's opinion is pretty validating for my lived experience of trying to get the look off my face in those situations to no avail and feeling like the efforts to surpress the expression actually was aggravating it. Also, it suggested that ADHD with a hyperthymic temperament can cause this

 

[TBRS1]

The AI did what an AI is, actually, good at - it gave you a summary of information.

The question is: What to do with that info?

If it were me, knowing that this is a nervous reaction that is made worse by attempting to suppress it, I would learn and practice calming exercises so I could use them effectively in stressful situations.

 

[RemyZee]

I guess it's that same thing as mood incongruent laughter. Excuse me if I missed this in the post, but does it happen also when you are relaxed too? And is it something you enjoy about yourself?/have a sense it's part of who you are? There is always a price to pay with masking things about ourselves that are innate--at times I try to suppress my rocking, and it feels extremely unnatural and stillness effects me mentally in a very nerve wracking way. For the longest time I have tried to accommodate people, make them feel better by holding it in, but that just seems to make things worse. It just makes me a little sad so many of us have to hide our quirks to fit in.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

When I am genuinely happy or amused, my big smile and frequent laughter feel like a part of myself that I like and, dare I say, wish more people shared. I even like the other traits that go along with it like being hyper and curious and and frequently rhyming and/or throwing around a bunch of puns and wordplay.However, getting a big grin on your face in response to fear, or embarrassment, or pain can be embarrassing and can cause problems. Someone can get their feelings hurt because they think you are mocking them or that you find something funny that was far from funny. I don't know how many times I have been told "I don't find it funny !" in situations that were greatly disturbing to me as well and I would be left arguing "I don't either!" with a big wide tight Joker-esque grin complete with bugged eyes and raised eyebrows and possibly escaping giggles. Why should most people believe me. Also, people don't necessarily know how to respond if you are in danger or telling them about something traumatic that happened to you and you start laughing. Then when things like this happen, I sometimes get self conscious about my personality over all .

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

In response to the other part of your question, no it would not typically be when relaxed. There is likely some kind of emotion as a cause. It is just that multiple emotions can cause such similar expressions. Also, grief that has been processed or even partially processed tends to bring tears like any normal human.

 

[the_tortoise]

I've been well informed that my facial regulation is my responsibility and that I should respect others enough to make normal expressions and have been given advice to practice in front of a mirror or record myself so I can practice looking normal.

This idea screams "ableism"....where is the respect and consideration for you?

Facial expressions are something that is partly voluntary and partly not -- it's not black and white thing where it's always either voluntary or involuntary. And in social contexts there are extra layers -- like miscommunication and misunderstanding may be the issue, not someone's facial expression per se. All interaction is a two-way street with shared responsibility to demonstrate respect and understanding.

Where is the responsibility of others to be sensitive to the possibility that another person with an odd expression (or no expression) has an invisible mental or physical disability (especially if they do not know you well)? To be sensitive to and respectful of difference and diversity?

I am dismayed by how little progress has been made in the world towards respect for or even just tolerance of diversity, and moreso by how easily and quickly it can be undone/reversed.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

I think it is rare and most professionals like job coaches or college instructors are not used to dealing with people like this. It seems like whatever neurodivergence they have been exposed to was more of a comprehension deficit issue and they could teach the people to pay more attention to other people's moods and practice to act neurotypical in front of a mirror or something. I don't think they understand that someone can understand a situation, feel situation appropriate emotions, and yet their muscles involuntarily make the wrong face. They will say things like "I might like to make (insert expression here) face, but that doesn't mean I can do it at a (insert event here)". I put the insert here portions because I don't remember the details just that they were trying to teach me that I was not acting right for a job interview and were trying to show me by giving a different example to show me how unreasonable inconsiderate I apparently am in their view. You can tell they don't understand involuntary expressions or your face muscles not seeming to be able to look the way they want them and are trying to get though what they apparently perceive to be stubbornness and/or disregard for others. That was at college. I had previously been given materials by my counselor or whatever she's called at a job finding organization a paper explaining that if I started to laugh I needed to think about the other person's perspective. Problem being, if I do that, I feel even more awkward and am therefore more likely to end up being unable to stifle a grin or laugh. In fact, it will probably be a laugh at that point.

 

[Judge]

In response to the other part of your question, no it would not typically be when relaxed. There is likely some kind of emotion as a cause. It is just that multiple emotions can cause such similar expressions. Also, grief that has been processed or even partially processed tends to bring tears like any normal human.

This dynamic reminds me of similar issues I had in high-stress social interactions, particularly regarding the dreaded job interview. Where a complete stranger had so much leverage over me with no way to alter the reality of the situation.

When no matter how I approached being self-aware of my own social anxiety symptoms, I could not successfully control them. When I realized just how involuntary my reactions really were. That's when I finally sought the aid of a medical professional.

After going through some uncomfortable rounds of "drug therapy", I finally agreed to one particular medication that was able to neutralize all my negative responses I couldn't control pertaining to social interactions, particularly those involving complete strangers.

All medications have their plusses and minuses, making it incumbent on a patient to weigh such benefits and side effects relative to the symptoms to be relieved. It's just a matter of reaching out to a medical professional to begin the process. One you cannot achieve on your own.

 

[Dagan]

I wouldn't let a machine tell me how to be human.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

I wouldn't let a machine tell me how to be human.

It's not selecting a behavior as advice in this context, but rather explaining how/why an existing neurological difference most likely occurred.

 

[the_tortoise]

I think it is rare and most professionals like job coaches or college instructors are not used to dealing with people like this. It seems like whatever neurodivergence they have been exposed to was more of a comprehension deficit issue and they could teach the people to pay more attention to other people's moods and practice to act neurotypical in front of a mirror or something. I don't think they understand that someone can understand a situation, feel situation appropriate emotions, and yet their muscles involuntarily make the wrong face. They will say things like "I might like to make (insert expression here) face, but that doesn't mean I can do it at a (insert event here)". I put the insert here portions because I don't remember the details just that they were trying to teach me that I was not acting right for a job interview and were trying to show me by giving a different example to show me how unreasonable inconsiderate I apparently am in their view. You can tell they don't understand involuntary expressions or your face muscles not seeming to be able to look the way they want them and are trying to get though what they apparently perceive to be stubbornness and/or disregard for others. That was at college. I had previously been given materials by my counselor or whatever she's called at a job finding organization a paper explaining that if I started to laugh I needed to think about the other person's perspective. Problem being, if I do that, I feel even more awkward and am therefore more likely to end up being unable to stifle a grin or laugh. In fact, it will probably be a laugh at that point.

These kinds of presumptions and inflexible, overly simplistic approaches to helping and accomodating differences are so, so common. And they make me sad.

This sort of idea that "all neurodiverse/neurodevelopmentally disabled people with [diagnosis] need [x]" or "all neurodevelopmentally disabled people can/cannot do [y]" is common. In college I actually had to fight to refuse accomodations I did not need, such as a note taker (because I never understand other people's notes -- no matter how bad my notes were they were always better than someone else's because other people's shorthand truly made no sense to me, ever)...the disability officer was very unimpressed and seemed to hate me just because I wouldn't let her talk down to me and argued with her about what my actual difficulties were.

I am an ardent supporter of "Nothing about us, without us"...apparently this slogan goes back to political movements in the 1500s in Poland, but I first learned it when it was used by disability rights movements.

 

[Judge]

It's not selecting a behavior as advice in this context, but rather explaining how/why an existing neurological difference most likely occurred.

Seems a logical attempt to determine a proximate cause, in the absence of a professional diagnosis. Though in terms of societal and scientific validation you truly need to seek a formal diagnosis.

Especially (IMO) if you have concluded your issues are in fact involuntary responses. That which you really cannot control when and where you perceive that you need to. The point in my own life when I knew I required to reach out for help beyond the limits of "my own grasp".