Advice on starting a Conversation first hand

[Dillon]

Whenever I try to get to know someone I always except someone to speak to me first. Sometimes when I speak first I don't know what to say or afraid I might say something wrong or werid. With people having attitudes and being self absorbed these days people can just be mean when i only want to introduce myself. Is there any advice on how to be more confident towards anyone you want to meet?

 

[OlLiE]

randomly walking up to people is always a challenge

easier to start up a conversation if you are sharing an interest with someone

a lot of time friendships are founded on shared interest

 

[Chance]

I suck at starting a conversation... I would rather smash my face into the wall, but that would actually hurt and make for good reason to have me committed...

Seriously I only tend to discuss something business related, or answer a question asked of me. I cant seem to figure out the world of small talk at all. I usually feel like an idiot in a very short time.

 

[Dillon]

I suck at starting a conversation... I would rather smash my face into the wall, but that would actually hurt and make for good reason to have me committed...

Seriously I only tend to discuss something business related, or answer a question asked of me. I cant seem to figure out the world of small talk at all. I usually feel like an idiot in a very short time.

I would rather just run and jump off the nearest cliff and into the water where I won't actually die though.
But yeah I understand. All people ever talk about now is bonding over a beer or how that weed was. I just want to have a decent conversation without all the inappropriate stuff.

 

[bon vide]

i feel the same way, meeting people especially for the first time is so exhausting. especially if youre like me and become hyper-aware in social situations. I like to pretend im LSP from adventure time or some other fictional character i like when i meet people irl, because mimicking them/their reactions/their voice and the way they talk to people is easier for me than doing it myself lol. especially LSP bc she picks herself up so well, is forthright and doesnt give a **** about anything(even though she can be pretty ridiculous), and pretending to be like her helps me be that way? idk. that's how i do it.

 

[Alaska]

Whenever I try to get to know someone I always except someone to speak to me first. Sometimes when I speak first I don't know what to say or afraid I might say something wrong or werid. With people having attitudes and being self absorbed these days people can just be mean when i only want to introduce myself. Is there any advice on how to be more confident towards anyone you want to meet?

I wrote several blog posts on body language and learning better social skills. I put nice links in them to help explain the skills etc., so it is easier to understand and put into practice. The name of my blog is "Musings", and it is on this site. I hope it helps.

 

[Dillon]

I wrote several blog posts on body language and learning better social skills. I put nice links in them to help explain the skills etc., so it is easier to understand and put into practice. The name of my blog is "Musings", and it is on this site. I hope it helps.

Would you mind if you copy and paste the link on here? Iam trying to find it but I am not running into yours.

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I would rather just run and jump off the nearest cliff and into the water where I won't actually die though.
But yeah I understand. All people ever talk about now is bonding over a beer or how that weed was. I just want to have a decent conversation without all the inappropriate stuff.

I have similar difficulties. I don't drink beer and I don't do drugs lol. In college I had no idea how to do this, but lately I've started out with "hey, what's up so and so, how you been?" - then they tell me something like "good, what about you"? and then I also say something like "doing allright", followed by mentioning something that happened in my life recently - just one thing at a time (like my boss always said to me), not everything at once. Then I let them respond. Trying to keep it flowing back and forth between me and the other person, in equal amounts. Sometimes I forget not to ramble though, and I know that's been a turnoff for people in college and work. I also make sure to ask them questions about what's been going on in their lives, based on the things that I know are happening - even if it's trivial. I'd say something like "so, how's work going?" or "by the way, were you able to fix the car?" - while still trying to keep the conversation going both ways. I do fear mentioning something offensive though, and I've had that happen in college. My social skills are pretty lousy still, but I feel like I've managed to become better at conversing with NT's.

 

[Plant13]

Whenever I try to get to know someone I always except someone to speak to me first. Sometimes when I speak first I don't know what to say or afraid I might say something wrong or werid. With people having attitudes and being self absorbed these days people can just be mean when i only want to introduce myself. Is there any advice on how to be more confident towards anyone you want to meet?

In corporate sales one has to go into huge rooms filled with potential clients and your competition, walk up to strangers with your hand out and put that mask on, and WIN. I might pretend, if I had to introduce myself now, to be in that room full of potential income. Money as a social lubricant.

 

[LogicalMind]

Make a weird shocking joke about the weather...like damn, the weather is mediocre/cold/hot today...Man

 

[SquareBanana]

Whenever I try to get to know someone I always except someone to speak to me first. Sometimes when I speak first I don't know what to say or afraid I might say something wrong or werid. With people having attitudes and being self absorbed these days people can just be mean when i only want to introduce myself. Is there any advice on how to be more confident towards anyone you want to meet?

I've found that making sure you start with an open ended question, rather than a yes or no answer one, helps people get comfortable quickly. Frankly, humans like to talk about themselves. Just listen, and respond in short answers or nods, and keep asking open ended questions until you feel comfortable enough to open up a bit yourself. As Aspies, we often struggle with empathy. This gets you "practicing" that. I've found the only problem with this is that I've gotten rather good at it so that people tell me things they might not have intended to, early on in meeting me, and that can be uncomfortable for some. It's kind of like they shake their head and wake up after an over-share moment and wonder why they just told me that. So, be careful about being perceived as prying. The key is choosing the right open ended questions, such as:

How do you know so and so (host of the party or whatever)?

What kind of a week are you having?

I really enjoyed Spider-Man or whatever. What movies have you seen lately?

I just got done reading insert book title. Share your first impression, then ask if they read it maybe, then What book really got to them recently?

I know, choosing the right question is half the battle. Tricky, but worth experimenting with.

 

[Grandmother B]

Whenever I try to get to know someone I always except someone to speak to me first. Sometimes when I speak first I don't know what to say or afraid I might say something wrong or werid. With people having attitudes and being self absorbed these days people can just be mean when i only want to introduce myself. Is there any advice on how to be more confident towards anyone you want to meet?

Just say, "Hi, how ya doing?" If they want to have a conversation, they should answer with something similar. HOpefully, one of you will think of something going on around you at the moment that you can talk about. good luck!

 

[Grandmother B]

I would rather just run and jump off the nearest cliff and into the water where I won't actually die though.
But yeah I understand. All people ever talk about now is bonding over a beer or how that weed was. I just want to have a decent conversation without all the inappropriate stuff.

You sure don't want to be around those kind of people. They are not going to have a good influence on your life. There are plenty of people like you, and I hope you meet some and have great conversations with them!

 

[ImAnAspie]

'Advice on starting a Conversation...'?

DON'T!!!

 

[Alaska]

Would you mind if you copy and paste the link on here? Iam trying to find it but I am not running into yours.

Here is a link to one of the relevant posts. There are others:

Help For Socially Inept People | Asperger's & Autism Forum

 

[LizE4life]

Would you mind if you copy and paste the link on here? Iam trying to find it but I am not running into yours.

Please do. I am interested also.

 

[Plant13]

In corporate sales one has to go into huge rooms filled with potential clients and your competition, walk up to strangers with your hand out and put that mask on, and WIN. I might pretend, if I had to introduce myself now, to be in that room full of potential income. Money as a social lubricant.

Coincidentally I was invited just yesterday to bid on a very high profile contract, and I'll be in a VAN with my competition, viewing the sites. I was a MORON, a complete grinning moron with a loud voice last time it rolled around, and I really want this 5 year contract. I have to be at ease locked in a van with my competitors for 5 hours plus lunch. This is what I have sworn to avoid but its my thing, its what I do, I'm freaking out inside but I feel like anything's possible. !!!!!!!! Frozen, I have the bid in front of me but I'm messing around. FOCUS me.

 

[permamakermom]

Seems like you guys got socializing down. My conversations usually end with a yes/no simple answer, an overshare, or muttering something under my breath that I didnt mean to say in the first place. Then comes awkward quiet and I walk away because i'm having an anxiety attack.
Common interests are a little easier if it lasts long enough to become comfortable around said conversationalist.

 

[zeroninja]

Whenever I try to get to know someone I always except someone to speak to me first. Sometimes when I speak first I don't know what to say or afraid I might say something wrong or werid. With people having attitudes and being self absorbed these days people can just be mean when i only want to introduce myself. Is there any advice on how to be more confident towards anyone you want to meet?

People are very tricky to really get to know these days, especially for us...
My best advice is this:
1) If possible, observe said person a bit before interacting directly with them. Sometimes, if I pay keen attention, I can at least grasp those most basic details of body language with practice, ie. posture indicates confidence level/mood currently, facial expressions sometimes display hidden emotions. Specifically, if doing this for more than a bit is too overwhelming, like with me, observe this when they look or interact in your general direction. This will maybe help give a vague impression of how they truly feel about you.
2) Think of something to talk about, a topic. Preferably one they're interested in or at least know about, even if it's a common or dumb one, like the weather.
3) Remember to work at using some gestures and facial expressions since this works to keep their interest.

 

[Dillon]

Yeah I try to come up with something simple to start out but then at times i feel like I have nothing to say depending on the time of day.

I did had another problem though and it was with yet another girl who was just so rude. I had been talking to her for 3 weeks, she is going to A&M where i will be going in 2 weeks. She seemed nice and I though we were friends but she says to me "It's not like I'm doing anything besides sitting down resting". I had apologized to her for disturbing her cause she told me she was busy doing something when I knew this whole time she was fed up with me. If you are just sitting there how come you have not responded to my text in the last few hours is what I said in my mind ?!? I stopped talking to her now. Women just hate being my friend for some reason no matter how respectful or nice iam.