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A family friend died on Friday

Captain Jigglypuff

Captain Jigglypuff

*On Vacation. Now go away!*
V.I.P Member
As you all might know, I work in the kitchen of a nursing home. One of my dad’s good friends was a resident there for almost two months and he died Friday during my shift and it really affected me to the point my brain was experiencing shutting down from strong emotions. I know that I made the cook angry but she hasn’t worked there long enough with me to know that I’m autistic and while I might not be as fast as some other employees, I do have my own system that gets the job done. I was having trouble focusing on the work and I know that it was from the loss of the family friend. I know that death comes with the territory of working in a nursing home but this one was really personal. I’m still a bit shaken over it.
 
I could tell that he had declined rather quickly and just gave up. He wasn’t allowed to get up snd walk around freely and this man was always a busybody and running around everywhere. But then he broke his hip and then his leg snd was told he couldn’t be walking around on his own anymore and he would sit in his chair in total silence staring at the floor which concerned me because that wasn’t like him at all. He didn’t even smile like he used to and when I said hello to him the one day, he just looked at me in silence and I didn’t see the sparkle in his eye that he usually had when he saw me. Being forced to sit in a chair all day long and being unable to move around definitely changed him and I could tell something was right but couldn’t do anything about either since it was a doctor who ordered it and I’m not a doctor or nurse. I knew him since I was a kid and would see him quite a bit at my dad’s shop.
 
I am very sorry for your loss.

Would it help you feel a bit better to share a favorite memory of him? What's something that stands out to you as a particularly lovely memory you've got with him?
 
Losing loved ones never is easy. I can relate to shutting down due to intense emotions. I've list some family in my life that I greatly loved.
 
Glad you are making it through the Loss. am "sorry" that it was even something that happened . And it was a great thing to do to have that concern for him .Mostly had seen, nobody was still alive,when they got old,to even have a concern for them. Often they have outlived everybody,whom really cared for them .People can become badly disabled,And Very hard, to not be able,at all to make a recovery. No matter our hopes . And working in a end of life care facility . Its going to be a fact of life . And having worked
in a few as a nurse . Earlier in my life . It is a tough job..especially mentally . And it would be nice,if we could help everyone . And Doctors are the ultimate decision makers In those cases ,Right or Wrong .(Hopefully technology will catch up Someday so patients may have a better way to transition to whatever comes after) . Even if you know better . Had seen some tough stuff, while I worked there . All I could do was the best I could . And try to be determined to do that . May God or whatever you aspire to ? Bless You .
( Hope I did not write to Much)
 
PS: be kind to yourself . Be easy on yourself . Going through that sort of thing, will take its toll . May be hard to see and know right now. That you are doing Gods own work . Caring for folks at a point where they might not be able to. Some of those people in your facility, may not have much . And "know " that their meals , "whatever" are probably some of the last Real enjoyments that they can look forward to.
 
filovirus said:
I am very sorry for your loss.

Would it help you feel a bit better to share a favorite memory of him? What's something that stands out to you as a particularly lovely memory you've got with him?
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Well the one thing I remember is that sometimes he would come into our shop after he retired and he’d say “I need to use the bathroom,” and he go use it and immediately afterwards, he’d look at us and say, “I need to go now. Bye!” And he’d leave. It sort of became an inside joke for us that he only came down to the shop just to use the bathroom. He was still doing his own car repairs in his late 80s and there were times my dad saw him lifting tires and my dad panicked and told the friend to let someone else do it for him because of his age which he always declined. He also liked giving us Russell Stover chocolates for holidays.
 
I am sorry for your loss. I was a hospice nurse for many years and I understand what it means when a patient dies, even when one knows it is inevitable. And I've had the same thing happen, when doctors or "rules" interfere with the patient's choices. It's hard to take.
 
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