5-year-old boy who refuses to have his diaper changed. Need advice

[emjn]

It’s been a while since I shared an update.

I made a new attempt with potty training now that the weather’s gotten warmer. He absolutely refuses to be naked, which I totally get, but I’ve let him go without a diaper for a while when we’re outside in the garden, just wearing thinner shorts. And he’s had loads of accidents. Whenever I see him peeing, I ask him if he needs to go to the toilet, but he just doesn’t seem to care. I really don’t know how to help him understand his body’s signals that he needs to pee. Now he shows no reaction at all when he’s about to pee or poop.

The strange new behaviour he sometimes has after he’s pooped, where he sits and kind of rocks or bounces on his bottom, still happens now and then. Some weeks he doesn’t do it at all, other weeks I see it a couple of times. I still don’t really know why he does it. I’ve tried gently asking him to stop, but he usually gets upset and tells me to leave the room.

The hardest part is still changing his diaper, especially when I have to stop him from doing something he enjoys. I’ve tried giving him a little warning, like telling him a few minutes before that we need to go change, so he has time to finish what he’s doing. But he gets upset and anxious when he has to stop, and it almost always ends with him screaming and kicking. Most of the time I have to drag him to the bathroom while trying not to get hit.

If we stick to our normal routine, it usually goes pretty smoothly. But if I need to change him outside of those times, it almost always turns into a full-blown battle.

I really don’t know what to do to make this easier for him when it gets this hard.

 

[Good boy]

I went through similar misunderstandings with some of my kids. Play therapy helped us a lot to connect with them and understand each other. In fact, everyone needs to feel valuable and understood, especially young, confusing brains. Once we make them feel understood and wanted by making the right connection using the right words and behavior that they'll understand, it should be much easier.

 

[Kayla55]

Have you tried methyl-folate vitamins for cognitive, and potassium (see thread not too much, not too little)
My son behind another year on school work, (this is after coming terms other son with ADHD just wasn't going to do much school work) so as parent I support RFK Kennedy theory on strain on families, cause it's just not easy.

No parent has easy time admitting child doesn't meet milestones, or knowing when it's time to just accept the situation. I've exhausted my research into vitamins, and I think my son is influenced at his age by hormones are affecting his studies, I've had to enroll back in school and take over daily schedule, utterly ticked.

No red dye in diet, maybe give sweets a miss. Sugar is so toxic people just don't realise what it does. A good diet is still option to try, so perhaps review some of allergy threads and see if it helps.

 

[Cutesie]

The strange new behaviour he sometimes has after he’s pooped, where he sits and kind of rocks or bounces on his bottom, still happens now and then.

This part seems obvious: he gets some enjoyment from the sensory feel of the #2. Why does it only happen occasionally? All kinds of symptoms that we have come and go - based on current mood and what's happening around us.

I'm sorry that you're continuing to deal with this issue. Have you tried discussing it on mainstream parenting sites?

 

[emjn]

This part seems obvious: he gets some enjoyment from the sensory feel of the #2. Why does it only happen occasionally? All kinds of symptoms that we have come and go - based on current mood and what's happening around us.

I'm sorry that you're continuing to deal with this issue. Have you tried discussing it on mainstream parenting sites?

Yes, it does seem to come and go in phases. And I probably don’t notice it every time either. It’s been about two weeks since the last time I caught him doing it. But he still refuses to have his diaper changed after he’s pooped. Maybe the two things are connected.

Like I mentioned before, changing his diaper usually goes okay if we stick to our regular schedule. But when it doesn’t, it’s really tough. I’m getting so tired of the battles we have at home every time I have to change him while he’s busy with something.


@Kayla55
No, he hasn’t tried any vitamins. I’m not sure how that would help in my case.

 

[Kayla55]

If not diet and vitamins and you not understanding fundentals of medicine, diet is huge role.
Anyway
I'm not sure which parenting sites would discuss this in detail but what it really is is social conditioning by society that's making you uptight. Honestly all kids different but I do understand your stress. With boys I had to somewhat adapt because their interpretation of our organic self is otherwise, in other words boys tend to joke about farts more than girls. As asexual it's still really alien to me to think of half things people do in relationships, and prefer to be single because honestly that's my way of dealing with endocrine disruptor.
Giving up our lounge, up we gave up whole social aspect of guests in lounge, it's hard to have friends who don't understand your child's developmental delays or whatever. In native cultures they are less uptight about toilet functions, their sons playing fart games in mud down river, so let him wear swimming shorts and make mud cakes, boys like to throw mud bombs so depends where you draw the line.
In a way our anus is almost a centre to our personal universe and in altered consciousness or other cultures it's less taboo to be somewhat male fashion designer and be more comfy about ones Uranus in retrograde. It's unusual for girls to participate in dissecting of frogs during biology, or fear of spiders can exist in some boys but most prevalent in girls. So sing him a song girls made sugar and spice and all things nice, boys made of puppy dog tails
Sometimes grow out of it on their own, and sometimes not. There's science where some investigate contents of poop for medical tests or de-worming and maybe your social circle is just too uptight for the cards in your son that you've being dealt.

 

[Kayla55]

My kids were not potty trained early, reason why I didn't want to send them to school, despite a job offer. Honestly they were not emotionally ready, either. Any professional/parent with disabilities experience will confirm bedwetting can continue up to age of 12 and it's not just ASD my son with ADHD was late potty trainer, too. Look age of 5 is still young, in potty training for disabilities. My husband used to blame me for fact that I couldn't train them, the one day he lost his temper and gave both twins a hiding... It was somewhat productive however I was upset.

This info below serves to inform people that this is normal:
Bedwetting in a 12-year-old, particularly if it's a new occurrence or persistent, warrants a discussion with a healthcare professional. While most children outgrow bedwetting by age 12, it can be associated with various factors, including disabilities, stress, or underlying medical conditions.

Possible Causes and Considerations:

• Developmental Delays: Children with disabilities may take longer to develop bladder control.
  
  
• Medical Conditions: Urinary tract infections, constipation, or other health issues can contribute to bedwetting.
  
  
• Stress and Anxiety: Psychological factors can sometimes play a role, especially if bedwetting is a recent development.
  
  
• Neurological Issues: In rare cases, neurological conditions can affect bladder control.
  
  
• Deep Sleep: Some children simply sleep very deeply and may not wake up when their bladder is full.
  
  
• Family History: Bedwetting can sometimes be hereditary.
  

When to Seek Professional Help:

• After Age 7:
  If your child is still bedwetting regularly after the age of 7, it's recommended to consult a doctor

 

[Kayla55]

My son got Jack Russell pup, of course it ended up being my duty to clean up. After about 6 months I got really annoyed, as making house smell, and have to keep mopping floors with extra detergent.
At first I'd leave bit mess on paper when cleaned to try smell/hint. Didn't work, so I'd put her nose nearby and then take her outside, long time passes. No results.

I looked up expert advice, so advice states she's still too young, boy am I annoyed and one day voila.
Apparently my friend that stayed used a rolled up newspaper to encourage, according to my son. Apparently kids do learn by just taking them routinely to toilet, what was case with our dog is beyond me.
And whole time I thought it's cause train at year and half, which does seem a bit too long.... Seems like I always end up doing extra long cleanups after expected age.

I'm not sure how many people do end up using rolled up newspaper, but from what I thought it wasn't right way to do things.

Milestones and age we expect 'disabled' children to reach, differs. So smacking a 3 year old or child really not ready is awful.

 

[emjn]

My kids were not potty trained early, reason why I didn't want to send them to school, despite a job offer. Honestly they were not emotionally ready, either. Any professional/parent with disabilities experience will confirm bedwetting can continue up to age of 12 and it's not just ASD my son with ADHD was late potty trainer, too. Look age of 5 is still young, in potty training for disabilities. My husband used to blame me for fact that I couldn't train them, the one day he lost his temper and gave both twins a hiding... It was somewhat productive however I was upset.

This info below serves to inform people that this is normal:
Bedwetting in a 12-year-old, particularly if it's a new occurrence or persistent, warrants a discussion with a healthcare professional. While most children outgrow bedwetting by age 12, it can be associated with various factors, including disabilities, stress, or underlying medical conditions.

Possible Causes and Considerations:

• Developmental Delays: Children with disabilities may take longer to develop bladder control.
  
  
• Medical Conditions: Urinary tract infections, constipation, or other health issues can contribute to bedwetting.
  
  
• Stress and Anxiety: Psychological factors can sometimes play a role, especially if bedwetting is a recent development.
  
  
• Neurological Issues: In rare cases, neurological conditions can affect bladder control.
  
  
• Deep Sleep: Some children simply sleep very deeply and may not wake up when their bladder is full.
  
  
• Family History: Bedwetting can sometimes be hereditary.

When to Seek Professional Help:

• After Age 7:
  If your child is still bedwetting regularly after the age of 7, it's recommended to consult a doctor

Thank you for sharing your experience. I’ve actually been in touch with his paediatrician several times about potty training. They explained that he most likely struggles to recognise the signals from his body, or maybe he doesn’t get those signals at all, like when he needs to pee or poop. And honestly, that really matches what I see at home.

A lot of kids will go off and hide when they need to poop, but my son doesn’t do that. He gives absolutely no signs, he might be standing right in front of the TV or sitting next to me on the couch and just poop without any reaction at all.

I’ve tried reading books with him to help him understand how the body works, but he shows no interest in that either. So, for now, the advice I’ve gotten is just to wait, that it’ll take time, but when he’s truly ready, I’ll be able to see it clearly.

As for food, he really loves pasta. Of course I try to give him a variety, but to help avoid constipation or any issues with pooping, he gets fibre gummies. They've worked well for him since we started using them.

 

[Kayla55]

Temple Grandin didn't just state lime disease, but certain strands affect tonsils can cause regression in speech. So if doctor find no medical reason

Medical Conditions: Urinary tract infections, constipation, or other health issues can contribute to bedwetting.

Then

• Developmental Delays: Children with disabilities may take longer to develop bladder control. (This is where potassium could play a role, and test for folic acid deficiency as it's for cognitive, not just speech) another factor is any medication, many drugs for epilepsy affect toilet control.

Ensure he gets daily vitamin, vitamin a + b

 

[Kayla55]

https://bioteem40.ca/how-gut-health-affects-mental-health/

Sauerkraut is really affordable probiotic, it's something I've being using lately, staying away from dairy yoghurt.

 

[Kayla55]

Pasta is gluten, one of the worst. Not sure if potassium bromate in bread that's so toxic....if you don't believe scientists on gluten intolerance for autism, at least consider the aspect of getting cancer of the intestine.

Wholegrains and rice and potatoes, this allows his body to digest vitamins so he doesn't become more deficient.

Are you sure about your doctor, pasta isn't healthy, he should recommend wholegrains.

 

[emjn]

Pasta is gluten, one of the worst. Not sure if potassium bromate in bread that's so toxic....if you don't believe scientists on gluten intolerance for autism, at least consider the aspect of getting cancer of the intestine.

Wholegrains and rice and potatoes, this allows his body to digest vitamins so he doesn't become more deficient.

Are you sure about your doctor, pasta isn't healthy, he should recommend wholegrains.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all that. I really appreciate it.

About vitamins, I think he probably gets what he needs from food. Pasta is definitely his favourite, but he eats other things too. He drinks milk, eats fruit during the day, and usually has some veggies with dinner, so I feel like his diet is pretty balanced overall.

As I mentioned earlier, his paediatrician told me that he likely doesn’t feel, or doesn’t understand, the signals from his body when he needs to pee or poop. And honestly, that really does seem to be the case. When he goes in his diaper, he barely reacts. He might pause for a second, but that’s it. No discomfort, no awareness. It’s like his body just does it and he keeps going like nothing happened.

 

[Kayla55]

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all that. I really appreciate it.

About vitamins, I think he probably gets what he needs from food. Pasta is definitely his favourite, but he eats other things too. He drinks milk, eats fruit during the day, and usually has some veggies with dinner, so I feel like his diet is pretty balanced overall.

As I mentioned earlier, his paediatrician told me that he likely doesn’t feel, or doesn’t understand, the signals from his body when he needs to pee or poop. And honestly, that really does seem to be the case. When he goes in his diaper, he barely reacts. He might pause for a second, but that’s it. No discomfort, no awareness. It’s like his body just does it and he keeps going like nothing happened.

My son with ADHD is more of issue than my one with autism, in that he insists on eating junk and being hyperactive. Whilst autism is just lot of work, ADHD is sometimes related to bad behaviour, almost like he's a clytomaniac and won't try diet, can't even test theanine and Gabba....he just won't listen .

With ADHD we really don't have much to treat them, drugs are given more often as in don't Flippin work.
So I understand you, I'm also not making progress. But my son with autism has come so far in leaps and bounds.

 

[emjn]

My son with ADHD is more of issue than my one with autism, in that he insists on eating junk and being hyperactive. Whilst autism is just lot of work, ADHD is sometimes related to bad behaviour, almost like he's a clytomaniac and won't try diet, can't even test theanine and Gabba....he just won't listen .

With ADHD we really don't have much to treat them, drugs are given more often as in don't Flippin work.
So I understand you, I'm also not making progress. But my son with autism has come so far in leaps and bounds.

Thanks for sharing. I really get what you mean, every child is different, and the challenges come in all shapes. I’m still struggling with diaper changes here… it’s a daily battle, and nothing seems to make it easier. Just trying to hang in there and take it one day at a time.