(30M) I'm relatively ugly and I'd like some advice

[Fabrice1]

Good evening, (photo of me) as you can see I'm ugly, and I need to know how I can work on my self-confidence to compensate and think less about my bad appearance, what is the best remedy?

 

[velociraptor]

I've got some news for you. You're actually quite attractive. Seriously. Former professional portrait photographer here. I'd have no issue with your face or bod in my portfolio. Your concerns about your appearance are in your head, they're not reflected by the reality of what I'm seeing here.

I'm not exactly blessed with copious amounts of social grace, so I can assure you that if your face really did look something like the back end of a bovine, I would have said something to that effect.

Hope this helps.

 

[tree]

@Fabrice1
What gives you the idea that you are ugly?

Is it entirely your own idea?
Or have people said things to you?

 

[Fabrice1]

What gives you the idea that you are ugly?

Is it entirely your own idea?
Or have people said things to you?

Other men on the looksmaxing forum told me I was doomed because I didn't fit the standards and said I should get surgery because my nose and lips were too big, according to them

 

[Jumpinbare]

They are being foolishly arbitrary about that. Balanced people like what they like - not what some website tells them they should like.

 

[Crossbreed]

Every look has its fan base.

Remember: your ancestor --who looked like you-- got a date.

 

[Trophonius]

You don't look ugly tbh.

 

[Azeth]

Welcome, @Fabrice1

You are a perfectly good looking guy. I can't imagine anyone not finding you attractive.

Other men on the looksmaxing forum told me I was doomed because I didn't fit the standards and said I should get surgery because my nose and lips were too big, according to them

Truthfully. I'd disregard people like that. Infact. I'd avoid vanity-based forums like that. Places like that serve to ego boost already insecure people, who opt to narcissism. Not a healthy environment by any means. Especially when it comes to already suffering self-esteem.

The only opinion that truly matters, is your own.

 

[velociraptor]

men on the looksmaxing forum

Yeah, these are guys who smack themselves in the face with a hammer for hours each day thinking it somehow makes them more attractive. You can ignore what they say. I'd be thrilled to have your looks. Wanna trade for a 57-year-old dad bod and some thinning hair? It's yours if you say the word.

 

[Jonn]

Good evening, (photo of me) as you can see I'm ugly, and I need to know how I can work on my self-confidence to compensate and think less about my bad appearance, what is the best remedy?

One of the most unique introductions I have ever come across.

 

[velociraptor]

my nose and lips were too big

Can I also just say that sounds racist AF? Disgusting comments.

You look FINE, sir.

 

[arithmetic]

I don't think it matter much about physical appearance (although I'm told my own body is nice). I've noticed that people respond much better to me when I'm kind and loving.

Edit: you are NOT ugly

We people see the thoughts in one another's eyes all the time - although we only understand that every once in a while, when we see in our friend's eyes just what they are thinking about. Yet even when we're walking down the street and encountering one another for a tiny moment we do see what kind of things occupy each other's minds.

Meditation is a useful technique which can be used to change a person's thinking. It's like getting a big, massive ball rolling - every day you add a little bit of energy to the desirable thinking and every day the ball moves a little more strongly.
I like the metta bhavana meditation which was taught me at a Buddhist school. Metta bhavana translates from the Sanskrit as "becoming love". Whoever practices this meditation will become a more loving and attractive person.

PS: You'll still be an aspie, but a very beautiful aspie

 

[arithmetic]

@Fabrice1
What gives you the idea that you are ugly?

Is it entirely your own idea?
Or have people said things to you?

yeh somebody was nasty

 

[Outdated]

Other men on the looksmaxing forum told me I was doomed because I didn't fit the standards and said I should get surgery because my nose and lips were too big, according to them

You were being bullied.

That's the main aim of a bully - to make you doubt yourself, to break down your self confidence and take away your self determination, to turn you in to a victim. Some do it with violence, some do it with social vilification and some go for the psychological attack, but they're all tarred with the same brush.

I think if you get a little bit of muscle tone showing on that body you'll have the girls fighting over you.

 

[Shevek]

You look a lot better than my friend Stan, who had many lady friends. He is the only man I've ever known to change clothes three times before going out. He put a lot of effort into what he could improve. He didn't spend much on clothes, but they were a bit theatrical. He might wear a scarf, or a really bright shirt.

 

[Masked Man]

You need to get off the internet and go outside and meet normal people. You're not ugly, you're normal looking. Consider where your source of information is coming from and stop trying to get validation from other men who live their lives online to criticize one another.

 

[Hypnalis]

Good evening, (photo of me) as you can see I'm ugly, and I need to know how I can work on my self-confidence to compensate and think less about my bad appearance, what is the best remedy?

Your question contains the answer you're looking for.

Since you wrote it believing it to be true, it's not likely you'll believe a suitably re-worded version of it,
But your writing skills are fine - I'm confident you could do it if you wanted to.

Self-confidence isn't independent of the rest of humanity, but it comes from within.

It follows that you can achieve it by completely ignoring the opinions of other people.
That's not what your question implies that you want, but that's a different discussion.

The point is that you're looking in the wrong place for your mental and emotional strength, and you're using the wrong criteria.

What next:
1. Unhook your confidence from your personal perception of your looks. Not as easy as it sounds OFC, but work on it.
2. Work on other kinds of self improvement for a while. If what you're really after is social contact and a useful life-skill, learn to cook (or learn a different aspect of food prep if you can already cook).
:
:
BTW in extreme cases what you described can be this:
Body dysmorphic disorder - Wikipedia

I saw a TV program on it once. They'd interviewed people whose self-perception was similar to the first image at that link (the guy seeing something else in the mirror), and the gap between reality and their self-perception was huge.
(OFC they were selected to make the message unambiguous, but that's how TV works

If everyone (perhaps excluding your family /lol.) is telling you you look "average or better" (which you do), and you can't change your self-perception, maybe talk to a professional.

 

[maycontainthunder]

You don't look ugly @Fabrice1 . You look like the kind of guy who has a good heart, kind personality and is good for a laugh.

If people are telling you that you're ugly they probably need to go to Specsavers for an urgent eye test.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Fabrice1

PS to my earlier post,

Some Aspie precision:

The single most important positive aspect of appearance as measured by facial shape is symmetry.

Other things also matter, but that's the one everyone responds to, whether they're looking for it or not.

Yours is actually well above average. Good enough that I'm guessing you're an eldest child (they score better on symmetry).

On point, it's easy to compare with others: Test your own with low-end image processing software.
Split and mirror both sides, then look. Your brain already has specialized wetware to do the rest.

BTW nobody is perfectly symmetrical: that's an indicator for a low/mid-function filter or AI generation.
But you need a baseline for comparison: the image you have plus the two (distinct) mirrored halves is enough to work with.
It wouldn't hurt to do the same with a photo (also from the front) that shows your ears.

The start looking objectively at people you think look better than you, assess their facial symmetry, and keep track.

Try it on the people on the looksmaxer forum too. That's why I suggested you include ear level in your calibration.
It's not easy to level them with surgery.
Also check if any of those people never show images from the front like yours. Its a standard trick to hide imperfect symmetry.

Ditto curated images of XX's of course.
AFAIK degree of facial symmetry is the same for both XX and XY, and there are a lot more images of XX's for comparison.
"Pix with largest fish ever caught" are dominated by XY's though /lol.

 

[Tired]

Did you try therapy? Clearly it is in your head, because many people already said here that you look good, and even if you were what is considered ugly (big scar over your head etc), it shouldn't affect your self-esteem.