JamesStevens
I'm Jack's Medulla Oblongata
Last night Sunday 12/13//2015 I wrote this--
Please help. I am failing so bad that anything I do or say, especially when I am trying to clarify things to clear the air, ease the stress, anxiety, confusion, misconception, frustration to a minimum.1
Lately I've been taking different approach to my way of communicating to my Aspie partner, and its gotten so bad that her perception of what I say is totally off kilter and perceived differently! I hear things like, "You said it backwards", after re-telling her what I have asked. Then, it's "Your pushing my boundaries by asking the same thing over and over", when I only asked once. WHY IS THIS SO HARD, WHY IS THIS SO CONFUSING!?!???
Today December 14, 2015 I write;
After much thought and clearing my head, I think I need to also have a perspective from an aspie female who can relate much more to my girlfriend that has been diagnosed with Adult Aspergers. I am NOT here to CHANGE ANYONE, except me. Myself. I. I need to friend a lot more female aspies on here so they can relate to my girlfriend more, and give me some insight from their own non-biased perspective(s). I am here to be a better partner for my girlfriend. I want her to feel safe, comfortable, and as bratty as she may feel that certain things have to be her way, I am ok with that, because I love her, and know that she is not doing certain things on purpose. I know she "just is", plain and simple.
Yes, my relationship is on the rocks, and my explanations can be quite draining, so apology if it gets that way, because there is pain to be told from both sides, which I will give in detail, (and there's SO MUCH). I am not here to have a biased view for myself. I am here to have a non-biased view, (which I can understand might be a little difficult when I start to explain).
I might note that I am very sensitive and can be emotional from all aspects. When a meltdown happens (I have no aspie traits), I used to yell back, be very defensive, and then shutdown completely. Then it turned into shutting down, and running away. Now it's shutting down, speaking in a monotone voice, because I am trying my best to fight the emotional pain that I feel so intensely but not as bad as the beginning. If it could be compared, I would say it is compared to fighting to move and talk during sleep paralysis. That's what it almost exactly feels like, just with added emotional pain.
With recent improvements to my interactions/ reaction, there holds a resentment from her end that I am barely starting to be a little more stronger in being a lot more supportive, and understanding. The past is consistently brought up, which means things can go from 0-100 within a few seconds, really fast. Not only that, but when I say certain things, they are told to me that I said them backwards or don't get interpreted the way I exactly interpreted them. That argument will be so persistent, it's a lose-lose situation. She very much sticks to her guns, becomes more frustrated, (even in my calm tone), and will fight the "You did not explain it like that" till the very end.
There's is so much more to go on about but I have to go to work.
Feel free to take what I have said here so far. I won't be offended by certain emotional responses since I already know it is expected to come my way. It's a little difficult to offend me, cos the only person that can hurt me is a close relative or someone I am in love with, hence my girlfriend.
"I" am willing to make all the changes necessary for her. Whatever it takes.
So, all females of the aspie spectrum, You are my only Hope. I submit myself before you. To be a better man for my girl. A Better person in general. Everything you tell me is appreciated, even if you feel I "you might not like what I have to say", it's ok... Understanding is key, and all I ask is for you to help me understand.
thank you <3
Please help. I am failing so bad that anything I do or say, especially when I am trying to clarify things to clear the air, ease the stress, anxiety, confusion, misconception, frustration to a minimum.1
Lately I've been taking different approach to my way of communicating to my Aspie partner, and its gotten so bad that her perception of what I say is totally off kilter and perceived differently! I hear things like, "You said it backwards", after re-telling her what I have asked. Then, it's "Your pushing my boundaries by asking the same thing over and over", when I only asked once. WHY IS THIS SO HARD, WHY IS THIS SO CONFUSING!?!???
Today December 14, 2015 I write;
After much thought and clearing my head, I think I need to also have a perspective from an aspie female who can relate much more to my girlfriend that has been diagnosed with Adult Aspergers. I am NOT here to CHANGE ANYONE, except me. Myself. I. I need to friend a lot more female aspies on here so they can relate to my girlfriend more, and give me some insight from their own non-biased perspective(s). I am here to be a better partner for my girlfriend. I want her to feel safe, comfortable, and as bratty as she may feel that certain things have to be her way, I am ok with that, because I love her, and know that she is not doing certain things on purpose. I know she "just is", plain and simple.
Yes, my relationship is on the rocks, and my explanations can be quite draining, so apology if it gets that way, because there is pain to be told from both sides, which I will give in detail, (and there's SO MUCH). I am not here to have a biased view for myself. I am here to have a non-biased view, (which I can understand might be a little difficult when I start to explain).
I might note that I am very sensitive and can be emotional from all aspects. When a meltdown happens (I have no aspie traits), I used to yell back, be very defensive, and then shutdown completely. Then it turned into shutting down, and running away. Now it's shutting down, speaking in a monotone voice, because I am trying my best to fight the emotional pain that I feel so intensely but not as bad as the beginning. If it could be compared, I would say it is compared to fighting to move and talk during sleep paralysis. That's what it almost exactly feels like, just with added emotional pain.
With recent improvements to my interactions/ reaction, there holds a resentment from her end that I am barely starting to be a little more stronger in being a lot more supportive, and understanding. The past is consistently brought up, which means things can go from 0-100 within a few seconds, really fast. Not only that, but when I say certain things, they are told to me that I said them backwards or don't get interpreted the way I exactly interpreted them. That argument will be so persistent, it's a lose-lose situation. She very much sticks to her guns, becomes more frustrated, (even in my calm tone), and will fight the "You did not explain it like that" till the very end.
There's is so much more to go on about but I have to go to work.
Feel free to take what I have said here so far. I won't be offended by certain emotional responses since I already know it is expected to come my way. It's a little difficult to offend me, cos the only person that can hurt me is a close relative or someone I am in love with, hence my girlfriend.
"I" am willing to make all the changes necessary for her. Whatever it takes.
So, all females of the aspie spectrum, You are my only Hope. I submit myself before you. To be a better man for my girl. A Better person in general. Everything you tell me is appreciated, even if you feel I "you might not like what I have to say", it's ok... Understanding is key, and all I ask is for you to help me understand.
thank you <3
