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UberScout

UberScout

V.I.P Member
Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996 29
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  • UberScout
    I truly, honestly hope that God forgives me for having as much hatred as I do for the human race and society, because throughout how long my folks and I have been enduring this, they have a lot going on too, but I have been through a LOT, and I don't know why they say God never gives more than you can handle, because THIS IS MORE THAN I CAN HANDLE!!
    UberScout
    UberScout
    I have never hated society so much in my life, and I have been ignored and pushed around and even RIDICULED for having no control over my situation!! As much time as I have spent enduring all the cruelty I get from people, I'd like to see how THEY like it!! Humanity wants to be petty?! I'll do it one better and kick it up ten notches!!!!
    Tony Ramirez
    Tony Ramirez
    God truly hates people like us. For me these past two weeks proved it. I had it up to here God ruining my mental health.
    UberScout
    Last night I got upset at someone at the gas station who was about to pump a full tank of gas for us with his card, then when he asked why we needed gas and I told him we've been driving all day figuring out a solution, he instead went back and got $3 from his car and only gave us the instead. And now my dad is so sick of my hatred of people that he mentioned they were both about to kick me out of the family.
    UberScout
    I've started journaling again. I have also taken on my own "quest line" of sorts; in the downtown district where I live, there is a pace called The Cotton Exchange, and it happens to be sort of a hub for several historical ghosts that people have commonly seen and encountered in my hometown. Thing is, I have been chatting with some of the locals there; they say they're still there to this day.
    UberScout
    Wow. So much drama happening at the warming shelter tonight; apparently there has been a thief stealing people's phones, clothes and from what I hear, two bikes.... Somehow .. I'm prepared for this though
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Stay safe and stay warm, friend. I hope Aloe is keeping warm and safe, too.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    yellow_blue_betta_dragon_by_snowifer_dcz62i3-pre.webp

    "Oh, me? I'm fine. Yea, it's a little brisk, but I'm practically made for this kind of weather. Not much A/C in that place, though..."
    UberScout
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    I am glad that you and the others at the shelter have a place to go to get out of the weather. I think it's supposed to snow today. I know it is in my part of the state.
    Hazel_1914
    Hazel_1914
    You did well speaking before the camera. I hope you all find some decent housing sooner than later, not just shelter stuff.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Haha, thanks! Yeah, just those few seconds I had to speak seemed to be enough to make me quite "famous" around here! Even a nice lady from church that came early this morning to do a communion recognized me!
    UberScout
    Well, as anxious and flabbergasted as I am with God, He has answered one of my prayers today. I sat on the grass in front of a church earlier today and prayed to God to guide me somewhere warm to stay and I have ended up at a downtown warming shelter where I live. So I have somewhere to sleep that's not the woods...
    UberScout
    Well. We're not doing much today, it turns out. I guess my parents were burnt out because we haven't even moved from our spot in the parking lot. I did manage to ask Texas Roadhouse for some food; they couldn't give us much except some rolls and mashed potatoes & corn, but it was still a nice breakf-- er, lu-- dinner?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Somehow, I've got the smallest spark of an inkling that we're so, so close to having a place to live... I don't know why... I keep having dreams about it. Just last night I dreamt about a really nice apartment. And a blue cat...?
    UberScout
    My grandmother always said that whatever you're doing on New Year's Eve is what you'll be doing all the new year... So I'm going to obliterate negativity by smoking as much flower as I can, building on my skills with psi and.... Hoping that God has mercy on us this year and finally leads us to a house to live in.
    UberScout
    we know something
    you don't know
    and if we don't share
    then we don't grow
    unibomb will set the whole world on
    f i r e
    tree
    tree
    Is that a quote from something?
    UberScout
    UberScout
    It's DJ Format's "We Know Somethin' You Don't Know", a song that makes me want to go mental with breakdancing for some reason.
    UberScout
    I made it back to my parents! And my mother got paid!! It's a Christmas Miracle indeed!! I have officially been successful in transporting from Holiday Inn Express to the VERY nice and luxurious TownPlace Suites. Wowie Zowie, what a magnificent hotel.
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    I am glad that all of you have a place to spend Christmas out of the weather.
    UberScout
    Did a nice lil wake n bake with some green I had this morning. And there was this exchange:

    (My sister sprays perfume just as I get back in the car finishing my preroll, stomping it out)

    Mom: Oof, that is NOT a good combination.
    Sis: Tyler, I *just* sprayed this.
    Me: Dang I'm sorry ... I mean, I don't deal in fragrances, I deal in what common sense I have and what logic I have to go with it.
    UberScout
    So now I just found out my stepdad (Charles) didn't even actually get paid with the money he won earlier today, so now I'm just severely disappointed and heartbroken again. I knew I never should have gotten happy earlier when it happened, I never should have let my guard down. And I just won't ever again; this is hell to cope with and I'm honestly exhausted doing it.
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    I'm sorry to hear that. You still have the $120 though right? Will that cover a place to spend the night? Why aren't they paying him what he won? Are they supposed to pay him at a later date or something?
    UberScout
    Guys, I'm really sorry that I keep voicing my mental struggles on here. I know you guys are all endlessly supportive to me -- don't get me wrong, that's awesome sauce in its own right -- but I guess somehow I feel like if I take my begging thoughts and make them visible to the universe, maybe it will somehow actually manifest. Sorry if I made anyone think it's all a cry for help; not that anyone said that of course!
    View previous comments…
    Rocco
    Rocco
    I hope something good happens to you today and that good circumstances appear.
    M
    Misty Avich
    I don't want you (or anyone) to feel guilty or reluctant to post your thoughts and feelings here. It can be a coping mechanism for some of us. It is for me anyway. And if people don't like your posts, we do have an ignore feature here which isn't hard to use. Obviously you're not on my ignore list.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    @Rocco well I thought it did, but like every day, I was wrong about it.
    UberScout
    ...Okay... We actually got a big blessing today. I ended up making $120 asking at gas stations earlier today and Charles got like $230-$300 something after a Lucky slots feature. So, I suppose God really did hear me praying/begging for a miracle today... Now I just have to wait until my mother finds a decent price for a hotel room.
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    I also believe that God brought you to my mind early this morning during coffee. I was suddenly thinking of you and mentioned to my Mama that there was someone on the forum I'm on that had been homeless for some time. Later I saw your comments. We have been praying through the day . I believe He brought you to my mind because you were in need of prayer. Jesus does love you.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    @FayetheAspie You... You really think God caused you to think of me...? And it... Inspired you to pray for me?

    ....I...I'm not used to this. At all. I don't understand. But that was nice of you.
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    I do believe that God was wanting you prayed for. What is the likelihood that I start thinking of your situation while drinking coffee on the same day that you needed prayer so desperately.
    UberScout
    True to the tradition of my family's life experience, I just found out today that my stepdad is not going to get his $800 back pay. All that time I spent praying to God for our lives to be fixed..... Turned out to be A WASTE OF TIME!!! Just more hurt. More disappointment. More pain. More everything. I....I'm sorry, guys. I just can't do it anymore. I am going to escape this eternal nightmare.
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    Please don't. You do matter. And like someone else pointed out earlier, your mother and sister need you.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    PM me if you need to rant, l know you have worked hard to keep it together.
    UberScout
    Dear God

    At this point, either show me proof that you are indeed real and you do care about me and my family and want us to have a place to live, or just end my suffering. I am exhausted in all of it at this point, so either please fix my life or just send me to the ER.

    Sincerely,
    UberScout
    View previous comments…
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Somehow we are still hanging on after our lucky break today. I may have lost hope, but God helped me find it again. If only for now, but still if only. Maybe giving it all another day or two won't hurt so bad.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Thank you @UberScout
    l don't know how we keep moving forward, but you and l are warriors. Stay strong my friend.
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    FayetheADHDsquirrel
    I am so glad to hear from you and that you are all ok. You really gave us a scare. I even had to explain why I was crying earlier today.
    UberScout
    I don't want any more misfortune in my life right now. I just want God to stop delaying and get us out of this situation already. That's truly all I'm asking for God to do, that's what I have been doing this whole time. None of us can take it anymore, all we do is argue and fight while we're doing this; I just want everything to go right again, I just want God to fix this for us.
    tree
    tree
    What changes would have to take place within each member of the family for
    things to go right again?
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