Self pity is one hell of a drug. More potent than alcohol.
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Sorry for being so whiny recently. I will overcome this clinical depression eventually if I keep working on building myself up in the meanwhile.
Maybe a break from the Internet and from news media is not the worst idea in the world for me, at least until I feel a bit more stable on the sleep front.
I need to sleep for a few hours, a few days, a few weeks. I need to hibernate. I feel such strong fatigue with life.
I am craving fried chicken, Mountain Dew, potato wedges. Things that are bad for me.
I just consumed a cup of hot peppermint tea. I am trying to wind myself down.
I wish I could knock myself out between now and the morning.
Forget toxic positivity. Unhappiness is sometimes not a choice that can be made like flipping a bloody light switch.
I would be getting drunk right now if I did not have to go to work tomorrow morning.
I wish I had some Benadryl to knock myself out with.
No more escape through alcohol, I actually have to feel all the pain.
I want a drink, a case of pilsners. A blackout feeling. I am emotionally triggered.
My brain felt like it was being jackhammered, but a cup of coffee cured that.
Just got home from the show. This was the main attraction, a local band named Floater. They put on an amazing show. I did see a couple of drunks get violently escorted out by security, but outside of that it was a chill crowd.
Seeing live music tonight. This is the opening band.
I painted targets all over myself and then I acted like a victim when cruel people shot at those targets. I am the only one to blame here.
I need to respect my own boundaries and not let others feed me guilt to put those personal boundaries down for their convenience and pleasure.
Tonight is tacos and horror movies for me.
Having a drink now would be like flirting with death. Sounds appealing but I really do not need to go down that road.
I have to accept that I really have no reasons to hate myself. -
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