Slowly telling everyone I trust I am autistic has been great as they all been saying that we love you, support you, welcome you, are not mad at you and won't leave you.
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Tony Ramirez
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I'm off Tiktok what a cesspool. But I can't get off Instagram because I follow my church and yoga studio for necessity updates but it's still a rabbit hole of dispare otherwise.
Why do I always attract men who want to work out or sit next to me when clearly, I am so much into women? This is even in places where there supposed to be more female dominate. It really bothers me mentally.
I really do have a female friend who cares for me greatly. It was my black and white thinking that nearly ruined it. But she is so kind and understanding.
I had so many solo coffee hangs with a guy I lost count. I give up I will ever have one with a girl. No method I tried ever worked. Even when I did not even try.
I'm feeling better. Talking to my therapist helped. Messaging my friends helped. Going back to listening to good music and watching funny shows is getting me back enjoying instead of watching mostly AI drivin crap on that deleted app Tikrot.
I am starting to not trust people again. I been hurt and betrayed too many times recently.
I'm falling back into old bad habits and I don't even care anymore.
Being autistic sucks. Life sucks.
I don't know why I am not dead. People my age are usually dead by now. Why am I suffering?
There really no such thing as 100/1 odds or 1 in a million of you think about it and have more confidence in yourself.
I can't believe I now weight 254 pounds. Last year this time I was around 315 pounds.
It might rain on Saturday so my plans to hang out with my first female at the church park event I know is going to be ruined. I just know someone is going to happen Easter weekend next week to ruin it too. I just can't be happy.
I had so many one in a million things happen in my life recently I don't think I should believe that nonsense anymore.
I think I finally broke my autistic burnout even though colors still look vivid.
I found out I am not the only neurodiverse person in my church. There are two other women in my life groups one with ADHD and another with the same autism as me but women show it different.
I hope I see my friend tomorrow. I miss seeing and taking to her since she went back home for a week.
I still can't stand profanity. I will never accept it. But I still am controlling my anger when I see and hear it.
I was able to unmask with my yoga teacher, therapist and lifegroup today and no one judged me. They actually known friends and siblings on the spectrum.
Just went out tonight. Colors are amplify to the extreme. I thought it was at first it was an update to my phone and tablet. Thought it was strange my MacBook had enhanced colors too. Now even watching TV after days the colors are intense. This is autistic burnout.
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