Sorry for the flood of processing. I am making an effort to forgive and let go. Holding on to pure rage has done me no favors. Pure rage makes me want to drown in a sea of bourbon.
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I suppose I could have some empathy for my mother - her mother was just as horrible to her as she is to me. Not saying what she does is ever OK, but I have an opportunity to break the family trauma for myself.
Seriously, I need a vacation. One month and several days away, my vacation begins. Away from family drama and family psychosis. Good times with great friends. Good food, good hiking, good chill downtime, zero damn stress for two whole weeks.
Today, at work, I helped a crying parent get hooked up with services for her young child. Holy (expletive). This comes with the territory in my job, but it is gratifying when things like this come together right.
I think I am going to go on a nice long walk before I get home from work today. Buy a couple of things from a grocery store. Make virgin margaritas and beef enchiladas when for dinner.
So, instead of hitting the snooze button until it is about ten minutes before I have to leave, I forced myself to get out of bed when my alarm went off. And I am taking my time, made a healthy breakfast, took a shower, stretched, made my bed. Great feeling.
I am now ready to take on the role of the captain of my own ship.
I need to spend more time with my hobbies, and I need to take on a volunteer shift somewhere. Too much idle time with my headspace is very bad for me.
Life passes me by while I am hyperfocused on the irrelevant. Only I can change that.
I am tired of being the family black sheep, the one who people always say, “You know how crazy you get sometimes,” when I try to affirm my boundaries. I think I will plan a relocation very far away from here. I think it is time for such an action.
So, today my mother flat out told me that none of my friends cared about me like she cares about me. I am going to plan to move very far away.
some metal heads for you to show you that you are loved <3
Another night of pure insomnia.
I feel like drinking Ace of Spades and smoking a Cuban Cohiba while wearing an Italian suit and sitting in the back of a stretch limo. I probably spent as much money as that would require on groceries today. Damn, food is expensive now.
Looking for somebody to see a Slayer tribute band with me this weekend. That scares most of my RL friends. Heh.
Today, I am providing more whine than a French vineyard.
After hearing my mother go on about how losing 30lbs is not a good enough start and that I still am too fat and that I need to eat less than 1,200 calories a day if I "really" wanted to lose weight, it makes me want to give up the weight loss journey.
The Internet brings out the worst in mankind. Social media should be destroyed. It is mankind’s de-evolution in slow motion. We should crucify Facebook, Twitter, Reddit. Burn it to hell and back.
Facebook sucks. -
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