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Metalhead

Metalhead

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8647 46 From Bedlam
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  • Metalhead
    I also bought a plane ticket so I can spend 12 days in Michigan in August. Got the time off approved and everything.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Awesome! Good things to look forward to and space from your family.
    Metalhead
    I just scheduled a weekend trip to Portland by myself, a hotel room for two nights, some cash to spend on garden and museum admissions, some money for Lyft rides, a round trip train ticket.
    MildredHubble
    MildredHubble
    Excellent! You've more than earned some time away and to yourself! I hope you enjoy the hell out of every minute! :)
    Metalhead
    Metalhead
    My sister wants to join me for part of the trip, but I still will be spending the bulk of that time by myself. I want to visit gardens and museums, and eat Thai food, and hit Powell's bookstore which is a danger to my wallet.
    MildredHubble
    MildredHubble
    Sounds like a great trip and I hope you get to enjoy it the way you want to! Try to set a limit on your spending at the bookstore. One thing I do is to leave my debit card at home and take only cash to limit my ability to over spend. If you can pay with your phone, maybe chuck it in a bag somewhere you'd have to rummage to get at it. It's not fool proof, but the more effort it takes, the less you might be tempted :-)
    Metalhead
    My face looks like a lobster. Sunburn. And dehydration. Might have played a part in yesterday’s fall from grace, might not have.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Confronting your past in sobriety is not a fall from grace, it is a big step toward it.
    Metalhead
    Please forgive my full blown meltdown here.
    L
    Luca
    It’s okay to ask for help if you need it
    M
    Mr. Stevens
    You exist to be the expression of yourself. You don't need a right. You add many great things to the world, and don't forget it. The bad people in your life seem to hate being themselves.
    Metalhead
    I probably should go to the dispensary before it closes to get some indica so I can sleep before my work shift tomorrow. This rage I feel within me is absolute. I am no longer afraid of it. I own it. I have a right to it.
    Metalhead
    I want to drink, I am denying myself, I must feel all of this, the only way out is through, and that sucks.
    Metalhead
    Anybody who abuses a child sexually just because they thought it would be funny at the time deserves to die.
    L
    Luca
    As a child who was sexually abused, I agree.
    Metalhead
    Metalhead
    When my aunt abused me, she was full of laughter at my humiliation. Nothing seemed funnier to her at the time than breaking my spirit. And her enabler husband is just as evil. And my mother, sister and stepfather believe these people deserve grace. Forget that:
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    This does not deserve forgiveness. Grace would be denial.
    Metalhead
    The kindest thing anybody could do for my aunt and uncle would be to blow their brains out and liberate their son and daughter. They are horribly unhappy according to everybody else in the family - this calls for euthanasia which I am usually not a huge fan of.
    Metalhead
    So, I am supposed to forgive a child rapist just because I do not understand how unhappy she always was in life? My family wants me to accept that line. I say my aunt should die if she really is so unhappy that it justifies everything she did not just to me and my sister, but to her own kids as well.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    You don’t have to forgive people who abuse children. Some things are unforgivable.
    Metalhead
    I have found myself facing my extreme anger without weed or booze. I am really feeling it now. It is tearing at me.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    This is a huge step in recovery. Stay strong in your devotion to sobriety. You’ve worked so hard to make it this far.
    Metalhead
    I want liberation from a diseased bloodline. I am officially the lovable retard in my family. I reject that label. Doctors claim I have no intellectual or cognitive disabilities, my family rejects those claims. My family should be dead to me now.
    DaisyRose
    DaisyRose
    I’m sorry your family sees you that way. It’s not fair and it’s very offensive for them to make their own opinions before talking to you about it. Sending in good vibes. A lot of people here don’t see you like that. Know that people here care about you.
    Metalhead
    My family can piss off and die. I have a better family here than in my bloodline.
    Kisa the tea
    Kisa the tea
    Blood family isnt always your real family. Real family is there for you and not evil. Im glad you trust us here.
    Metalhead
    Damnit, I am having a self pity party and that solves nothing. I need to smack myself out of this.
    Hazel_1914
    Hazel_1914
    Reframe it as you're identifying sources of problems. Sounds like you have a pretty good idea where a lot of them started with (adverse childhood experiences, which shaped a few of the ways you interact w. adult life.)
    If you ever want to talk, feel free to send a message.
    MildredHubble
    MildredHubble
    Sometimes, the only way is through. Analysis of things that are significant to you is often necessary to move on. Don't feel guilty or bad for doing that.
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