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Misery

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  • 4 hour drawing session. Ouch, ouch, ouch. So close to finishing the best thing I've ever made. Wanted to really use proper perspective, so I finally decided to draw a character (same pink haired girl with the black braids from before) at an angle that isnt straight on, and more than just the face, and in a different pose. Didnt think I could do it. DID IT ANYWAY. I'll show that tomorrow probably. Ouch.
    Decided to try again at having The Talk this coming weekend. One way or another, I cant keep up my current state. It has started to affect my health. At this point the things keeping me going are my stubbornness and absolute refusal to lose. Even with no energy left, and despite the anxiety, I *will* achieve this goal.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Good luck Misery, maybe it truly is time to say something. Maybe get them together? Rehearse in front of the mirror. Map out exactly how you will say it, remember deliver with confidence, and be prepared for questions they may ask. This maybe a big life hurdle, but l bet you can do this now.
    tree
    tree
    @Misery
    Does it have to be one huge *hey I'm not who you thought I was* revelation talk all at once?
    Can it be delivered in small increments?
    Misery
    Misery
    @tree it is going to sorta be done in small increments, yeah. Something I've learned with big revelations to people (including telling them about autism) is that I often need to divide it up, so it's like "today here's the most important part, we can talk about more details in the days ahead". That's what I'm planning on doing.
    Okay well I'm not going up north after all. Still sorta coming down from the worst breakdown I've ever had. Normally I manage to hide these incidents but this time my control completely broke while I wasnt alone. Dont worry, I'm fine, aside from the gash on my arm. I'll post about this later. There's things to talk about, and questions to ask.
    Gerontius
    Gerontius
    Hang in there Sophia.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Sorry Sophia. Hope you can pull thru this. We are hitting warm 80+ near Anna Marie. My mom closed their 2nd scuba shop there, because they will be building a new bridge to connect and the traffic will be horrendous. I think it starts in 2024 on the Cortez side.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Thinking of you, Sophie. Wishing you well. Wishing you strength. Wishing you peace.
    Just want to say, I'm probably not going to be around over the next few days most likely. Going up north, usually I still interact with the forum and such even without my usual PC, but this time I'm just too drained and messed up. Yeah, it's been bad lately. So, radio silence for a bit, I think. But I'll still check and respond to any direct messages.
    W
    Wolfnox
    Just got over a serious depression myself. Avoid news and really loud people.
    Okay, so, based on the responses I got with my last update, yeah, that might have sounded a bit dramatic somehow. What happened was an injury: I was trying to open some cards on a board game that came in, and it's got that awful ultra-tight cellophane wrapping. Used the multitool thing on my keychain to try to open it, (continued in comments)
    oregano
    oregano
    But I had to go to Yreka, so I slapped a bandaid on it and left. By the time I got to town my hand was gushing blood, and I was trying to keep the blood at bay with a kleenex while driving those twisty roads.
    oregano
    oregano
    I had to stop at Dollar Tree for bandaids. Replaced the bandaid, then headed to the supermarket. Hand is still gushing. The bagger girl innocently asked me how my day was going, then I held up my hand.
    oregano
    oregano
    It took many bandaids and maybe 45 minutes to stop the gusher of blood. So yeah, sympathy here.
    So, bad news, may or may not be completely unresponsive for a day or maybe a couple of days. I'll at least be reading stuff though, so I wont miss messages or whartever. Just dont expect replies or posts during that time.
    Good news, I didnt bleed on the cards.
    1ForAll
    1ForAll
    If you ever want to talk about it Sophie there are many here who care. Do so publicly or privately, if you ever desire or need such, whatever is best for you. In the meantime we will be thinking of you and be hoping you weather the storm and things will get better.
    oregano
    oregano
    Did I miss something? Hope you get better, @Misery.
    tree
    tree
    @Misery
    You did/had a Tarot reading???

    IDK
    aaaaaaaaagh okay my anxiety just spiked real bad, I found a tick, it had clearly only been there for like a couple of minutes and came off because I looked at it too hard, but still, I'm like two minutes away from a complete panic spiral, someone say something funny and/or calming
    Misery
    Misery
    Okay so I managed not to spiral into nonsense here. I have a germ phobia (which is where panic sets in) but the thing clearly didnt get a chance to latch on and there's no bite. It really must have only been on me for a very short time.
    Misery
    Misery
    Also I had a therapist appointment today which was like 40 minutes after that, she's helping me with my anxiety and basically every other thing I've ever mentioned on the site here, she helped me get calmed down.
    Misery
    Misery
    Stupid thing is, I have no other issues with insects at all... mosquitos? Feh, whatever. Big honkin' spiders? Fine. House centipede on my foot? That happened once, I was more than a bit confused, but that's about it. Ticks though? Immediate panic, takes awhile for logic to kick back in.
    eaYgGgQ.jpg


    So, this happened today. Reconnected with an old friend a few weeks ago, went over to his place today. He'd told me he'd gotten me a gift before I went over, so I could get back to gaming with the old group. I went in thinking it was going to be a headset, since I had mentioned I didnt have one for the PC. This... is a bit more than just a headset. Completely stunned.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Holy mackerel. That is quite a gift. Hope you enjoy the heck out of it.
    So, recently I took some major steps in going forward with my game-dev ideas, and learning what I need to know. I'm learning Gamemaker Studio 2, and also as soon as Unreal Engine has finished its million years of downloading, I'm starting on that one too. Yes, I know, a bit much at once. I have nothing but free time, all the time. So that works out, I think.
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    I would also like to learn game design and do some simple games. I have other priorities now, but would love to do it some day. Im glad you are doing it.
    Misery
    Misery
    Yeah, simple is defnitely the operative word here. Been on a real "short horror game" kick lately, was inspired by this weird little game called "Spin To Win" over on Itch. Wasnt expecting to get big inspiration from such a small thing. 15 minutes long, that game. Amazing sometimes, the most unexpected things can provide inspiration like that.
    So I get this box every month, right, that has some random twisty puzzles in it (in their own smaller boxes). Today I open the thing and, okay, one colorful box with a cube in it, and one... plastic bag? There's a "fortune cat" puzzle thing in it. The bag is clear, looks like someone crumpled it up, and has "666" smeared in reddish orange on the side. So that's a thing that happened today.
    Misery
    Misery
    666 if held with the opening on top. Cant imagine why. Also a question is why the heck is the thing in a little plastic bag in the first place. Not usually how this goes, that's for sure.
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    Once you assemble the fortune cat, it will summon a demon that will devour your soul. Its quite clear. :cool:
    L
    Luca
    Omg, that would’ve really scared me if that happened to me. But it’s likely that someone at the company or factory got bored and did that as a prank or something. Still weird and creepy though.
    aaaaaaagh I've got a nasty canker sore in my mouth right now, I freaking hate these. It's very rare that I get one but when I do it's so freaking painful and just incredibly annoying. Triggers my sensory issues. I never really know what to do about it. And the stupid things can last for quite awhile. Bah.
    tree
    tree
    Alum.

    Will make you salivate after you put the dry white powder on the sore,
    so stand at the sink and spit.

    One child I knew was elated to use alum when I told her about it.
    Her mother had been making anybody in their family apply salt.
    Okay, so, I was a bit... out of it over the last few days. Fell into my own negative mess again... bah. The gender stuff + anxiety + dehydration = aaaaaaargh. I've gotten out of that spiral though. Tomorrow I meet up with my therapist again, so that'll be good. One way or another I gotta make some progress here. Feh.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Nice, even though you were struggling, seems like you’re on your way back up. Hope you are drinking water and also that you have a good session with the therapist tomorrow. Here for you if you want to talk or vent.
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    Temporal downs may make us forget the general progress we do over time. Stay clear on your goals.

    Good luck tomorrow in the therapy.

    Here for you too.
    wWpXbRd.jpg

    Today's board game haul. It's all one game that for reasons which make sense in context, happens to be in... *looks at table* 12 separate boxes, which arent just boxes. This is easily my favorite game, I've had it for awhile, this set is the newest content for it. This is one of the things I've been looking forward to most recently.
    So I randomly stumbled on an old browser extension that changes all the comments on Youtube videos. Instead of saying whatever they originally said, they just display as "herp derp" over and over again. Installed it. A vast improvement. Now, the next time I get that stupid urge to scroll down, I wont feel like I need a shower and/or an exorcism afterwards.
    L
    Luca
    That is amazing. Omg
    Youtube comments are awful so I’m so happy to hear there’s a way to turn a huge negative into a positive.
    So, bit of an update: had my first appointment with a new therapist today... to help me deal with my anxiety and other issues. Not even 10 minutes in, I told her about... the whole gender thing, all of that. Just went right ahead and did it! That's the first time I've managed to tell someone in-person. I just about wrecked myself with nervousness while doing so, but I did it anyway! Went well!
    Misery
    Misery
    It was indeed nerve-wracking, honestly I'm still feeling a bit dazed from it, and it was 5 hours ago. A big step though, yes. Though, I'll admit, I tripped over a rock with that step. Forgot to mention the name to her. Like, I pointed out all the rest of it, didnt say THAT part though, due to being a space cadet.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    ^ Gives you something to take care of next time.
    Gerontius
    Gerontius
    Nice job Sophie. That must have been really difficult. Good work.
    I dont suppose anyone currently here might have like a funny video or something to share... coming down off of a bad anxiety attack (storm season, astraphobia, not a fun combination), still really shaky, could use some humor or anything
    Nito.jpg


    Look at this crazy thing. From the Dark Souls board game expansion I just got. I kinda want to try to learn to paint minis (which is what this type of figure is called)... the board gaming hobby has quite a few of them... but some of them just look so absurdly intimidating to paint. So many details.
    UberScout
    UberScout
    Intimidating to paint? You're lucky to be able to get 10 ft. Near those things without being torn in half!
    Raggamuffin
    UberScout
    UberScout
    My worst fear in that game.
    PtDNIS4.jpg


    Today's special interest haul. It's been a long while since I went and got much of anything new. The really BIG haul has yet to come though.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Dark Souls looks neat. Children under the house, pretty scary.
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    Do you have Wingspan? I don't know how good of a game it is single player, but I like it quite a lot.
    Misery
    Misery
    I have the digital version of that one, it's pretty good singleplayer actually. I might pick up a physical copy at some point (with expansions).
    Thing that amused me today: I'm checking my email, right, and it occurred to me to have a look at the ol' spam folder. Every single thing in there is from the Microsoft Store. ALL of it. Like some sort of sad, obsessive stalker. But with ads. I should note that I bought one, and ONLY one thing from there in the past. Like, 2 years ago.
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    In our case, it has been scammers who were letting us know that our $400 payment to McAfee or Norton Anti-Virus has been successfully processed on a non-existent credit card...! :oops:
    Gerontius
    Gerontius
    It's a good reason to get a Linux computer.
    Walk out into the garage to get a soda, just nice and calm, suddenly from the other side of the garage, a noise like pop-pop-pop-WHEEEEEEE!!! and, ya know what, I dont even wanna know. Back into the house, go get some Advil. Wont help with the demon clowns or whatever that was, but maybe my neck will hurt less.
    Misery
    Misery
    Wouldnt be the first time something got in the garage. Havent seen any animals around here in ages though (everything is frozen). Typically we get squirrels and frogs around here. LOTS of them. I've yet to see any cats, there's not much houses around here.
    Misery
    Misery
    I had a quick look UNDER the car though, but I cant see a darned thing under there.
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Maybe you haven't seen any cats around there because all of them are stuck in your garage. ;)
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