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Misery

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  • Why does it have to be so hard to tell people things? Or ask for help? I'm so freaking frustrated with myself at this point. In other news, I clawed at my arm again.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    Did writing it out help you figure out how and what you want to say? Would you ever consider reading it to them? Is it a crazy idea to make a video where you speak to the camera? Ultimately, I realize you will have to talk about it, but some of these things can help get the conversations started.
    Misery
    Misery
    @Rodafina My therapist did mention a video idea like that, particularly after I had explained about VR stuff (since I hate being physically in front of a camera, but I can be virtually in front of one just fine, I've shown that sort of thing on here before even). I sorta half started on one but got a bit lost in my own explanation.
    Misery
    Misery
    As for reading a written out version to them... haha, it's funny, but I actually cant read my own handwriting. When it comes to art I specialize in lettering of all sorts, and I'm pleased with where my skill is with that, but my actual handwriting is entirely illegible. Bit of a goofy conflict there.
    Honestly really pleased with my progress so far, with art overall. I'm getting the hang of my own general style (whatever it might be called), drawing things at odd angles, and doing this MUCH faster and with fewer errors. Feeling good about it for the first time, really. The rest of that picture will be a challenge, but I think I can do it.
    Lilith.jpg


    Lilith from Binding of Isaac, leaping to avoid a monster attack coming from behind. This came out pretty much perfect, exactly as I'd envisioned it. Still need her horns, and an ornate pattern on the box. This is only a small part of the picture though. Monster (the Scourge), background with fully detailed walls, full shading... Gonna take awhile.
    fixed.jpg


    This is called "Veiled Existence"
    Also, freakin' ouch. I've got to stop doing these in a single sitting. But once an idea hits me it's like I gotta get it onto paper quick or it'll fly away or something.
    Xinyta
    Xinyta
    That looks awesome~

    But yeah. I've had the same problem in the past with drawing. Which probably why I have been burned out with it for so long.
    Alright I'm back, I've snapped out of that reverie. This happens every year as winter gets going, anything that was bothering me already just... multiplies for a time and I just collapse in on myself. I'm not exactly back to 100% yet, but I also currently dont feel like stabbing anything, so that's a start.
    Might vanish or go silent for awhile here. The accursed gender thing is driving me up the wall lately, mood and such is really messed up. Can’t deal with people well when I get into this state so I tend to retreat and hide for a time. Not much else to say.
    Gerontius
    Gerontius
    If you want to reach out by messages or something feel free. I am at least another pair of ears out there. Good luck Sophie.
    SunshineAndSky.jpg


    And here's my newest weird thing, whatever it is. These can be so convoluted to make, I had to use four separate programs to make this.
    I’ll never understand why anyone likes tablets or phones… stuck with this stupid thing for the weekend and I loathe it with a passion. I haven’t thrown it at the wall yet though, so there’s that.
    S
    Slime_Punk
    I definitely prefer PCs, but I also really like the convenience of phones and tablets. I couldn't imagine trying to do most tasks with the latter, however!
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    1. I use my tablet as a digital clipboard.
    2. I do not rely heavily on internet via cellphone, but maps/directions are really helpful when they are needed.
    maycontainthunder
    maycontainthunder
    I'm a PC person. I need something with lots of 'electronic horsies' to make it run fast. Having something that would lose a race against continental drift, like Dad's laptop, doesn't do it for me.
    FirstOne6LargeS.jpg


    This is my newest bit of digital art. This took like all day to make. It is a fractal. I dont know what else to say about it.
    Kisa the tea
    Kisa the tea
    This is really cool! It reminds me of the patterns that could be made on weavesilk
    MC1Rcat
    MC1Rcat
    Reminds me of the inside center of a flower... beautiful!
    Ana.jpg


    Drew this today, trying for a full-body shot of her reaching for this gold idol thing. Facing directly right, practiced that view. However when I tried the zoomed out view the pencil lines were too thick, regardless of sharpening. Settled for a close-up. What do you think?
    Ya know, it's more than a tad irritating when I'm in the mood to make something over at my art table, but I can't, because of chronic pain. Arm & shoulder movements is generally what is involved here. Today is one of those days. Bah. Time to go take more Advil.
    L
    Luca
    Sorry to hear you’re in pain again Sophie :( Unfortunately I can relate though. It’s so frustrating when pain and/or illness get in the way of being creative. I hope the Advil helps and you feel better soon.
    Thought I was going to be extremely sore all day today after a lot of drawing and such yesterday, but that didnt stick. I'm finally at a position where I can, you know, DO things more often. Without physically wrecking myself in the process. Of course now I have to actually decide on what to do, that's the hard part.
    IMG_7284.jpg


    Made this today. My grandmother (on my stepmother's side) passed away last night... I was asked to make this. It will be displayed during the funeral, and then placed in the casket. Didnt exactly enjoy making this. But I think I made good use of my new Posca markers for the highlights. I'll have to remember that technique for future projects.
    All-Rounder
    All-Rounder
    Sorry to hear.

    Nice marker project, the writing came out very good.
    So, I got my keyboard. I got quickly fed up with trying to decide amongst the confusing array of new options (seriously I'm not good with hardware at all) so I decided to just get another of the one I had before. The original Razer Blackwidow Chroma, the big bulky one. Barely got my hands on one, these aint made anymore.
    Have to buy a new keyboard. This machine is used for gaming, so obviously I want that sort. But... what the heck happened? Modern gaming keyboards look like fragile, incomplete prototypes that are missing their shells. Like keyboard skeletons. And they are ALL like this. As compared to the bulky, sturdy mass that is my previous one. This search is already really irritating.
    Misery
    Misery
    @Metalhead I definitely agree with them. Particularly since I mostly play indie games. But some things just dont work with that (well, not if I dont want to go insane).
    Misery
    Misery
    @Outdated Generally gaming keyboards are focused on accuracy, better ability to handle many keys pressed/held at the same time, and reduction of input lag. I am particularly sensitive to input lag to the point where 3-4 frames of it (unnoticeable to most people) will drive me crazy. I can't not notice that. So for me, an office keyboard just wont do.
    maycontainthunder
    maycontainthunder
    Have a look at Corsair's range. Currently I'm using a slightly elderly K95 which works well. Don't know what the lag is but my brain isn't quick enough to notice!
    XdrQ550.jpg

    Here's an ominous photo for you. I forgot I took this. An unexpected moment here at home a few months ago.
    AdamG
    AdamG
    this is a picture you took? :) It is amazing.
    Misery
    Misery
    It was also very LOUD. A lot of high pitched shrieking and flashing.
    So, I've got a long, immediately noticeable scar on my left arm now... the result of that big anxiety attack I had. Since I've been so perpetually stressed over... you know... THAT issue... it leaves me prone to much worse anxiety than I'd otherwise have. "The Talk" would end it. But I keep pushing it off, so now I get to have this reminder of that extended mistake. Sooner or later I need to just DO this already.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Oh boy. Your anxiety is making this worse. Maybe imagine the worse that will happen if you disclose and have the "talk". This is how l get thru the horrible things l can't face. If you aknowledge the worse that may happen, then you can accept the reality if it did happen. Your parents seem to be very loving. If they love you, they will accept you just as you are.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    Good luck Misery, l have faith in you that you can get thru this. I understand that it maybe the hardest thing you have ever faced. But people do get thru things. And sometimes our mind can blow it out of proportion. I am very guilty of that.
    Rodafina
    Rodafina
    "The Talk" would end it.
    You said it yourself.
    You know what to do.
    Here for you.

    1689984430941.jpeg
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