I am aware that a large part of my depression is caused by chemical imbalances. I am not going to do anything stupid because I have that knowledge in mind. I talk to my doctor on Tuesday.
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I am feeling so alone right now. My knee hurts, otherwise I would be paying a cover charge and seeing a live band right now instead of sitting here feeling miserable.
Interesting game score number.
I get the sense that most of the people I associate with locally might be very happy if I just died.
Nobody in my blood family is on my side. Nobody in the 12 step circles is on my side. Arthritis makes the commute to my office impossible sometimes. And nobody cares about that except my doctor.
My life is a string of regrets. I need a new job and a new life in a new location. Time to stop talking and start taking action.
I just spent $700 on two new pairs of eyeglasses along with a new prescription. Damn, I feel that fiscal pain of that much cash leaving me at once.
I am feeling an intense craving for marijuana. I shall deny myself. Winter will be over in a couple of months, anyway.
I want to go on a long walk on a sunny beach and listen to the waves crash. Ah, vacation cannot come quickly enough for me.
Weekend is coming to an end. Tomorrow I have to make some money.
Watching a reality TV series about animal hoarders. It totally is exploiting mental illness. Yet I still keep watching it. It’s quite sleazy.
Weekend is here. Film festival by myself time! Have sparkling water in the fridge, veggie sticks, microwave popcorn. I will drown myself in movies.
I wasted too much time with unpacking and processing.
My family is made up of a couple of narcissists who are NEVER wrong and an army of enablers. Whatever. They are going to do what they are going to do from a good safe distance from me.
I am working from home today because my knee hurts way too much for me to be able to walk to the bus stop, and that sucks.
Drinking poison while expecting it to harm others is no way to live.
I forgive my entire blood family, just so I no longer have to carry them around in my heart. I still want nothing to do with any of them. I still place my health and sanity first. I am not saying they were ever right.
I want to sleep through the rest of the week. Alas, I cannot because I have a job and I need the money.
I really wish switching off unwanted thoughts were as easy as flipping a light switch. I am not strong enough for that to be true in my case.
Oh, sweet freedom. I will finally taste it. -
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