Hi guys,
I just wanted to share my story with all of you out there. I am a very private person and I don't really write about myself alot, but I am hoping that this will help some of you out there. Feel free to ask questions, I have no problem with that. I would like to help as much as I can.
......
In the beginning, my wife and I had fought a lot. It seems like she refused to see things my way, and from her side I stubbonly refused to understand her. I understood what she is trying to tell me, but it was frustrating that she did not understand what I was telling her.
Well, after a loooooooooong while, she kept insisting that there was something wrong with me and I need to seek help. Of course, I was angry with her for even suggesting that. "There's nothing wrong with me! I'm a normal guy!"
Her main complain is that I don't show that I love her. I had given her my heart and my soul! How could she even say that! I even changed my entire living habit around just so that we don't argue about how things are supposed to be done!
Anyways, this had been going on for awhile, and finally, we were at our last straw. I had decided to go see a therapist to find out what I need to do to make my wife feels that I love her to death. (Of course, i felt that it isn't fair that I had to there alone because in my eyes, this OUR problem, not just mine!) At this point, I was so tired of fighting, I just gave in and went to see a therapist. He tried to sympathize with me and tell me, but he was using a non-directive approach, which would be long and painful. But...I didn't expect any miracle, so I have decided to follow some of his advice. My wife noticed some differences, but it was not enough. I tried to have her read with me this book that the therapist suggested. We started that, and then she tells me that what we are doing is not going to help. I was furious again! How could she not even given a chance to what I am trying??!!!?? I told her to come with me to therapy so she can explain what she needs, cause I sure don't have a friggin clue!! I thought I was on the right track! It went downhill from that point again. Pretty soon, I didn't see any point with therapy. She was seriously thinking about leaving me!
She decided to separate to give us time to think. In the meantime, she suggested that I get another therapist. I was really angry with her that she refused to come to see a therapist with me! Afterall, I really don't understand what she wants me to tell the therapist! From where I stood, the problem was on her side! But in my desperation to try to save my marriage, I have decided to find another therapist after she went away.
It was my good fortune that I had found a therapist that had dealt with Aspies before. After 2 sessions, she started suspecting that i was in the spectrum.
Wow! It all makes sense now!!! All this time I had thought my behavior was attributed to being a "guy". Were we better after this? Nope! But we were a hell lot better! She still can't feel that I love her, but at least by knowing this, she felt that something can be done! She did finally agree to come see the therapist with me. My gosh!!! Still pisses me off to this day when I think about how she refuses to go to therapy with me! Anyways, water under the bridge now.
This was the first part of my aspie journey. The discovery.....
But I learned the reason why we fought so much was that we were talking in two different channels.
She was talking about feeling stuff, and I was throwing her facts.
I will continue to write about my development in my next blog.
I just wanted to share my story with all of you out there. I am a very private person and I don't really write about myself alot, but I am hoping that this will help some of you out there. Feel free to ask questions, I have no problem with that. I would like to help as much as I can.
......
In the beginning, my wife and I had fought a lot. It seems like she refused to see things my way, and from her side I stubbonly refused to understand her. I understood what she is trying to tell me, but it was frustrating that she did not understand what I was telling her.
Well, after a loooooooooong while, she kept insisting that there was something wrong with me and I need to seek help. Of course, I was angry with her for even suggesting that. "There's nothing wrong with me! I'm a normal guy!"
Her main complain is that I don't show that I love her. I had given her my heart and my soul! How could she even say that! I even changed my entire living habit around just so that we don't argue about how things are supposed to be done!
Anyways, this had been going on for awhile, and finally, we were at our last straw. I had decided to go see a therapist to find out what I need to do to make my wife feels that I love her to death. (Of course, i felt that it isn't fair that I had to there alone because in my eyes, this OUR problem, not just mine!) At this point, I was so tired of fighting, I just gave in and went to see a therapist. He tried to sympathize with me and tell me, but he was using a non-directive approach, which would be long and painful. But...I didn't expect any miracle, so I have decided to follow some of his advice. My wife noticed some differences, but it was not enough. I tried to have her read with me this book that the therapist suggested. We started that, and then she tells me that what we are doing is not going to help. I was furious again! How could she not even given a chance to what I am trying??!!!?? I told her to come with me to therapy so she can explain what she needs, cause I sure don't have a friggin clue!! I thought I was on the right track! It went downhill from that point again. Pretty soon, I didn't see any point with therapy. She was seriously thinking about leaving me!
She decided to separate to give us time to think. In the meantime, she suggested that I get another therapist. I was really angry with her that she refused to come to see a therapist with me! Afterall, I really don't understand what she wants me to tell the therapist! From where I stood, the problem was on her side! But in my desperation to try to save my marriage, I have decided to find another therapist after she went away.
It was my good fortune that I had found a therapist that had dealt with Aspies before. After 2 sessions, she started suspecting that i was in the spectrum.
Wow! It all makes sense now!!! All this time I had thought my behavior was attributed to being a "guy". Were we better after this? Nope! But we were a hell lot better! She still can't feel that I love her, but at least by knowing this, she felt that something can be done! She did finally agree to come see the therapist with me. My gosh!!! Still pisses me off to this day when I think about how she refuses to go to therapy with me! Anyways, water under the bridge now.
This was the first part of my aspie journey. The discovery.....
But I learned the reason why we fought so much was that we were talking in two different channels.
She was talking about feeling stuff, and I was throwing her facts.
I will continue to write about my development in my next blog.
