As I lie awake unable to sleep. Pain dripping over the right side of my body. I say dripping because it feels like my body has been drenched in a vat of corroded battery acid. You know that burning feeling your skin gets when you touch it? The pain that goes to your bone if you hang onto it. I'm reminded of pain I felt before. Pain from when I was young. As apples fall from the tree outside. One by one. They drop to the ground. Cars passing by. Apples bouncing two or three bounces off the ground as they fall from the tree outside my window before they lay to rest. Im reminded of the pain I once felt. The pain ai am not sure was as bad as this pain or maybe it was worse than this pain. How do you remember when you are given what you are made to forget? I find myself tracing my fingers on my scars on my body. Each scar tells a story. Not a good story but a story that has shaped me to be who I am today. I find myself reminded of the sound of a buzzing drillpressed against my skin. Why on earth would one you called father (not real father) be so inclined to treat one like this? To care for me so gently. In such a wholesome way. So tender and sweet. Yet be a dark a vile human that tares apart my innocence limb from limb. Leaving a Mark on every space. Filling with so called "love" disguised as hate. Rage filling your eyes and I'm unsure why. I didn't even do anything to anger you. How many did you hurt? How many lives did you take? Bodies did you burry?
You sat outside my windrow watching me sleep. Crept in at night to peer in on me. How do no one know? You have me my first injection I was only 8. You robbed me of my life and I was filled with hate. You tortured me. Cuts and bruises and scars places no one seems to look. You fed and created my addiction.
The secrets you told me were they real? Did they all"fall"? Did I imagine the other ones? Was I just practice for the mark? Squeeze a little to hard and it all goes dark.
Thank goodness I can't connect or feel. If I could I don't know how this would all go. How Id survive.
You sat outside my windrow watching me sleep. Crept in at night to peer in on me. How do no one know? You have me my first injection I was only 8. You robbed me of my life and I was filled with hate. You tortured me. Cuts and bruises and scars places no one seems to look. You fed and created my addiction.
The secrets you told me were they real? Did they all"fall"? Did I imagine the other ones? Was I just practice for the mark? Squeeze a little to hard and it all goes dark.
Thank goodness I can't connect or feel. If I could I don't know how this would all go. How Id survive.
