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The real life idols is an interesting one, right? Usually, they're pretty, handsome, charismatic, strong, or athletic until about 50, right? When the surgery just doesn't do the job anymore. Then there's Chuck Norris who's making a sci-fi/action movie at 83 for 2024 and bringing his son in to learn the trade as a beneficial choreography aid. Norris is one of those famous people who broke all the rules, happily married, put his family before his career, extremely successful, the best at what he's good, and has outlived everyone. He wears that cross for a reason, he's in shape, he's skilled, he's famous, he's successful, he's rich, family comes first... God just let him break all the rules. It's pretty cool. I can see why people admire him.

There's a lot of things I want to say, but maybe I should read the Bible instead. I'm waiting. I want to say things, but I have to wait.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Pondering it, I can see there were times I honestly tried and emotions capsized. That doesn't negate anything. My failures are my fault. I can try again, though. That's my thing, God above, prayer and Bible, I can try again. What foundational skills have I laid? I guess I'll work with that. Sometimes I think no one needs me because of the failures I made in my yesterdays, but I think, I can practice and maybe after enough of that, I'll be wanted. That would be nice, to stop fighting the internal feeling of wishing I was wanted. To just know. Yet I know God is there. He sees it all. And that is very cool.

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