Currently, I'm busy with moving out to my very first own (rented) flat.
I never lived on my own before, so this is exciting and also scaring. However, this post isn't about living on my own; it's more about the process of moving out itself.
I moved to a different flat only once before. That time it was a rather abrupt change and everything had to be done quickly. It was a very stressful time for me. I didn't have much of a chance to get to know the new place in detail until I actually lived there. It took me quite a while to adapt to everything. It caused me to be more irritable and feeling bad and out of place in general.
This time is different. I am the official tenant of the flat since February 1, but there is no need to get out of my current home at a specific date. I am still living with my parents right now and they don't pressure me to hurry with the whole process.
I have already spent several afternoons and evenings in the new flat while painting the walls and cleaning, so I got to know everything in detail. Not that there's actually much to see in an almost empty flat except the kitchen and the bathroom that are already there. But it makes it easier for me nevertheless. I can get used to everything slowly and have already noticed that I feel more comfortable there after some time I spent there.
Although I like the chance to do this slowly I also dislike this transition state in a way. I think it's because moving always messes up my usual routines and surroundings.
Yesterday I started to pack most of my books as well as all the stuff on my desk in boxes to carry them to the new flat. It makes sense to do this step by step and I know this, but it also makes me uncomfortable because my room looks "wrong" now. When I lay in my bed and look around it's not what I usually see. The shelves are empty, there are more boxes standing in my room...
I spent quite some time staring at them last night.
This effect leads to me being the one who is now pressuring myself to get it done quickly.
I guess I'm over the "getting to know the new flat" phase and am now in a "I want this whole moving out-related mess to be over" phase.
Once I'll get all my shelves set up in the new flat I'll feel even more comfortable there because the familiar furniture is the connection for me to feel more at home there. So my new but old bed room will feel "right" everywhere as soon as it is set up correctly, i. e. the books are organized the way they used to be organized and everything on my desk is where it belongs again etc.
I think it will also help that I can take some of my other things too, such as my tea cup.
The problem is that this pressuring myself isn't a realistic, sensible goal. I can only do so much and although my parents help me, I don't want them to have all the work with my new flat, so I try to do some tasks too.
This is quite exhausting in addition to working and it's not good for me. I had already skipped dinner once because I was too tired to do anything else than going straight to bed after cleaning the kitchen there after work. I know that skipping one meal won't cause much damage. I usually eat enough. But for me it's a bad sign and means that I should take a break and rest. So I barely did anything today to recharge again.
I need to work on my balance and against my inner pressure of "I need to finish this right now." That's what happened with the kitchen incident. I just went on, focusing on finishing it without paying attention to the time or anything and only when I had finished my task I suddenly felt all the exhaustion and that I had barely any energy left.
This shouldn't be the result of the "I want this whole moving out-related mess to be over" mentality.
It helps that I usually don't work there all alone but with someone else, such as my mother. She reminds me to take breaks and when to stop, getting me out of the focus on my task, so I notice when to leave before it ends like this.
Hopefully, everything will be over in one or two weeks and I'll finally live there.
This will mean a different kind of stress then: How to adapt to live on my own and to set up everything in a way I can deal with it without losing too much energy at a time, i. e. finding the best long-term balance.
I have already made some plans and structures and I'll see how that's going to work in some months when these strategies will have been tested for a while.
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