I only recently knew a name for something that I had some awareness of for a while. Experts call this, "microexpressions". They are fleeting expressions that appear on a person's face. They are difficult, if not impossible to fake, so they reveal true feelings to anyone who is able to read them. That leaves out those of us who have Aspergers or Autism, unless we work to change that.
I did not precisely work to change my innate blindness to microexpressions, but received a lot of involuntary training from early childhood that taught me to recognise some of them. My parents were abusive, so I had lots of experience in recognising microexpressions that let me know something bad was coming from them.
I already learned when to duck, so to speak, at a very young age just from so many repetitions of microexpressions, and regular expressions that stayed around longer and made it easier for me to have a chance to see them and learn them. My reactions to these warning microexpressions became very fast and even instinctive most of the time. This saved me a great deal of pain.
I still experience some difficulty at times, trusting my ability to read the kinds of microexpressions that I understand so well. Having a name for them, and reading studies about them will be likely to eliminate this problem for me. Knowing when to duck is a really good skill to have. I would like to do what I can to help other people on the Autism Spectrum to develop this skill also. One major cause of our being picked on so much is a lack of being able to know when to duck. If you know an individual is going to be a bad problem for you, being able to take warning from their microexpressions can be a survival skill.
Even generally nice people can have bad times when they are ready to explode at anyone handy. Reading the warning microexpressions can let you know to leave their vicinity at such times.
If you do not learn any other microexpressions, the impending danger warning ones are worth learning. Even in everyday life, it is very helpful to learn these. In especially dangerous times, this could literally keep you alive. An example of such times is during a crisis like a riot, or a disaster. I rather hope to be able to learn more about the other kinds of microexpressions as well. An example of this is a microexpression that shows the existence of tender feelings like love. I am not very trusting of my ability to recognise these sorts of feelings. Some of this is because I am not that good at it yet. I plan to change this, however.
I hope that other people who are on the Autism Spectrum can do the same. We deserve true love as much as NTs do. In a way, I think some of us sort of deserve it more, since our problems result in us having some virtues like being honest and truthful. Some NTs place a high value on that, and are therefore good potential partners for us. We can get together with someone who appreciates us, if we learn to spot someone like that.
This same ability can help us find friendship. I do not think that having Aspergers or Autism should automatically consign us to isolation and loneliness. We can overcome these problems if we are willing to work on them.
I can not offer myself as a shining example of success, but I have learned enough to have survived many things that would have literally killed me if I had not learned something. I do feel hopeful that I can learn a lot more. I believe that most problems have solutions, and that one will find those solutions if one is determined enough. My determination has led me to, what I believe are answers to a lot of the problems that those of us with Aspergers and Autism experience. I do not believe in hiding my light under a bushel, but intend to share it so others can benefit as well.
I have mentioned Vanessa Van Edwards several times in some of my blog posts. Her newsletters and free information on her site have done a lot for me by giving me a handle on some of the problems that I and other people on the Autism Spectrum expeience. She does charge for some of what she offers. She has courses and books that can be expensive. This can shut out some of us. There is no reason to despair, however. It is possible to ask your library to get one or more copies of her books.
It is very handy to have someone like Vanessa Van Edwards do most of the research work for you, but she is quite generous with her free information, and you can pick out keywords from her free materials and still learn. I have been doing some of this myself. That is how I got the links that I have shared so far.
I am an inadequate substitute for Vanessa Van Edwards' knowledge, so if you can afford some of her materials that are not free, you should get them. There are libraries if you cannot. I plan to buy her current book and maybe more of them, and courses. I will not violate her copyrights to share with you. But I can probably find some of the materials she based her writing on and share that with you. That will take a little more effort to understand, but I am fairly good at interpreting scientific research. That might make it a bit easier for you.
One way that it is easier to afford good books is to buy the digital version instead of the print one. Amazon is not the only avenue for purchasing digital books, but is so big and pervasive that it can be easier to use. They have free apps for all sorts of media devices. That means you can read Vanessa's books on most things you already have available. The digital versions can be as little as half the price of a print version.
Here is a link to Amazon's free apps:
Free Amazon Apps
If your media device is not on this page, you can input the name of it or your program that runs it into the top of the page, and it will take you to it. If you do not want to use Amazon, here is a list of other places you can buy digital books:
Amazon vs. iBooks vs. Google Play vs. Barnes & Noble
I would like to share an incident that shows the value of reading microexpressions. I hired an ex-friend to help me organize and rearrange my apartment. I began to dread having her come over and did not know exactly why. The last time I hired her, I had a sense of foreboding over a microexpression on her face. I reacted rather belatedly to it, but kept mulling it over as we worked. She had smashed my fingers while we were moving something.
It happened again. The second time I recognised what was bothering me about her microexpression. She had deliberately smashed my fingers both times. Her microexpression told me that she intended to hurt me before she did it. Maybe an NT would have caught on faster than I did, but at least the light finally dawned. I have never contacted her again, and never plan to either.
I wondered why she was not doing a well-paid construction job since they are available in our area now, or were then. I feel sure that she has made a habit of hurting other people who are working with her. It would be hard to prove, based on a microexpression, or so. Identification of her microexpressions, however, would be enough to make co-workers refuse to work with her and bosses refuse to hire her again. Those microexpressions were enough for me to finally get the message that she is very bad news and not a good person to be around any more.
This happened before I knew of the term, "microexpression". Now that I have a handle to describe it, and have learned more about microexpressions, I will deal with someone like my ex-friend and her meanness much faster next time. It is helpful to have enough information to recognise threatening microexpressions, but it is more helpful to recognise them more quickly and have enough confidence in my ability to recognise them, to act on them. I am sure this will apply to other Auties and Aspies.
I am sure that other people besides Aspies and Auties have similar problems with social interactions. Those people might be a good source of friends and partners for people on the Autism Spectrum, since they can probably identify with us more easily than ordinary NTs. I have not yet figured out what causes this for non-spectrum people. I do not think it is exactly necessary to know the cause. I am able to identify others who experience social awkwardness without knowing why they are that way. Lol. One more identifiable way to spot them is to look for nerds. Some of them are not Aspies or Auties, but are socially inept anyway.
I have already implied that I plan to write more about microexpressions here on this blog. Since my audience is largely other Auties and Aspies, I will avoid any subtleties about the matter. I plan to write more about microexpressions on this blog. I may not do this very fast, however. It requires some study and thought to write most of my posts. My digestion of subjects that are difficult for Aspies and Auties can often be slow, so you will need to be patient with me.
I did not precisely work to change my innate blindness to microexpressions, but received a lot of involuntary training from early childhood that taught me to recognise some of them. My parents were abusive, so I had lots of experience in recognising microexpressions that let me know something bad was coming from them.
I already learned when to duck, so to speak, at a very young age just from so many repetitions of microexpressions, and regular expressions that stayed around longer and made it easier for me to have a chance to see them and learn them. My reactions to these warning microexpressions became very fast and even instinctive most of the time. This saved me a great deal of pain.
I still experience some difficulty at times, trusting my ability to read the kinds of microexpressions that I understand so well. Having a name for them, and reading studies about them will be likely to eliminate this problem for me. Knowing when to duck is a really good skill to have. I would like to do what I can to help other people on the Autism Spectrum to develop this skill also. One major cause of our being picked on so much is a lack of being able to know when to duck. If you know an individual is going to be a bad problem for you, being able to take warning from their microexpressions can be a survival skill.
Even generally nice people can have bad times when they are ready to explode at anyone handy. Reading the warning microexpressions can let you know to leave their vicinity at such times.
If you do not learn any other microexpressions, the impending danger warning ones are worth learning. Even in everyday life, it is very helpful to learn these. In especially dangerous times, this could literally keep you alive. An example of such times is during a crisis like a riot, or a disaster. I rather hope to be able to learn more about the other kinds of microexpressions as well. An example of this is a microexpression that shows the existence of tender feelings like love. I am not very trusting of my ability to recognise these sorts of feelings. Some of this is because I am not that good at it yet. I plan to change this, however.
I hope that other people who are on the Autism Spectrum can do the same. We deserve true love as much as NTs do. In a way, I think some of us sort of deserve it more, since our problems result in us having some virtues like being honest and truthful. Some NTs place a high value on that, and are therefore good potential partners for us. We can get together with someone who appreciates us, if we learn to spot someone like that.
This same ability can help us find friendship. I do not think that having Aspergers or Autism should automatically consign us to isolation and loneliness. We can overcome these problems if we are willing to work on them.
I can not offer myself as a shining example of success, but I have learned enough to have survived many things that would have literally killed me if I had not learned something. I do feel hopeful that I can learn a lot more. I believe that most problems have solutions, and that one will find those solutions if one is determined enough. My determination has led me to, what I believe are answers to a lot of the problems that those of us with Aspergers and Autism experience. I do not believe in hiding my light under a bushel, but intend to share it so others can benefit as well.
I have mentioned Vanessa Van Edwards several times in some of my blog posts. Her newsletters and free information on her site have done a lot for me by giving me a handle on some of the problems that I and other people on the Autism Spectrum expeience. She does charge for some of what she offers. She has courses and books that can be expensive. This can shut out some of us. There is no reason to despair, however. It is possible to ask your library to get one or more copies of her books.
It is very handy to have someone like Vanessa Van Edwards do most of the research work for you, but she is quite generous with her free information, and you can pick out keywords from her free materials and still learn. I have been doing some of this myself. That is how I got the links that I have shared so far.
I am an inadequate substitute for Vanessa Van Edwards' knowledge, so if you can afford some of her materials that are not free, you should get them. There are libraries if you cannot. I plan to buy her current book and maybe more of them, and courses. I will not violate her copyrights to share with you. But I can probably find some of the materials she based her writing on and share that with you. That will take a little more effort to understand, but I am fairly good at interpreting scientific research. That might make it a bit easier for you.
One way that it is easier to afford good books is to buy the digital version instead of the print one. Amazon is not the only avenue for purchasing digital books, but is so big and pervasive that it can be easier to use. They have free apps for all sorts of media devices. That means you can read Vanessa's books on most things you already have available. The digital versions can be as little as half the price of a print version.
Here is a link to Amazon's free apps:
Free Amazon Apps
If your media device is not on this page, you can input the name of it or your program that runs it into the top of the page, and it will take you to it. If you do not want to use Amazon, here is a list of other places you can buy digital books:
Amazon vs. iBooks vs. Google Play vs. Barnes & Noble
I would like to share an incident that shows the value of reading microexpressions. I hired an ex-friend to help me organize and rearrange my apartment. I began to dread having her come over and did not know exactly why. The last time I hired her, I had a sense of foreboding over a microexpression on her face. I reacted rather belatedly to it, but kept mulling it over as we worked. She had smashed my fingers while we were moving something.
It happened again. The second time I recognised what was bothering me about her microexpression. She had deliberately smashed my fingers both times. Her microexpression told me that she intended to hurt me before she did it. Maybe an NT would have caught on faster than I did, but at least the light finally dawned. I have never contacted her again, and never plan to either.
I wondered why she was not doing a well-paid construction job since they are available in our area now, or were then. I feel sure that she has made a habit of hurting other people who are working with her. It would be hard to prove, based on a microexpression, or so. Identification of her microexpressions, however, would be enough to make co-workers refuse to work with her and bosses refuse to hire her again. Those microexpressions were enough for me to finally get the message that she is very bad news and not a good person to be around any more.
This happened before I knew of the term, "microexpression". Now that I have a handle to describe it, and have learned more about microexpressions, I will deal with someone like my ex-friend and her meanness much faster next time. It is helpful to have enough information to recognise threatening microexpressions, but it is more helpful to recognise them more quickly and have enough confidence in my ability to recognise them, to act on them. I am sure this will apply to other Auties and Aspies.
I am sure that other people besides Aspies and Auties have similar problems with social interactions. Those people might be a good source of friends and partners for people on the Autism Spectrum, since they can probably identify with us more easily than ordinary NTs. I have not yet figured out what causes this for non-spectrum people. I do not think it is exactly necessary to know the cause. I am able to identify others who experience social awkwardness without knowing why they are that way. Lol. One more identifiable way to spot them is to look for nerds. Some of them are not Aspies or Auties, but are socially inept anyway.
I have already implied that I plan to write more about microexpressions here on this blog. Since my audience is largely other Auties and Aspies, I will avoid any subtleties about the matter. I plan to write more about microexpressions on this blog. I may not do this very fast, however. It requires some study and thought to write most of my posts. My digestion of subjects that are difficult for Aspies and Auties can often be slow, so you will need to be patient with me.
