• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Lost...Looks Like My Marriage Is Ending

I'm trying to figure things out. I don't have many close friends. Aspergers/Autism and has always created problems for me when it comes to maintaining and building friendships. I do have a few friends, but all are living long distances away. My 2nd wife and I have been arguing all the time for weeks. I have gotten so tired of it. It seems like everything I do she is mad at me. I can't do anything right. I try to talk to her about it and she's all about blaming...naming who is at fault. Sometimes there is miscommunication and no one is at fault. When she gets mad she stays mad. A big part of the problem is me having Aspergers/Autism. I miss cues like a person's tone of voice, etc. So I unintentionally say or do things that hurt my 11 year old step daughter's feelings and my wife gets pissed off at me. Hours or a day or two later she will tell me "She was bawling her head off." I had no idea, but she feels like I should know. Then she gets mad at me for not talking to my step daugher. How can I talk to her when I don't know there's a problem? Even sometimes if I know there is a problem I am at a complete loss what to say. That's where the autism comes in. I don't know. And I often don't know how to talk my step daughers. I know I"m difficult to live with. I don't understand people so hell yeah I'm difficult to live with. My step daughter is a also a very sensitive kid. She often takes things I say the wrong way. Tonight my wife told me she can't do this anymore. She says she's living for two people...her two daughters. No room for me anymore. I can't change the fact I have Aspergers/Autism so I know I can never make her happy. My heart is completely broken. I have always been honest with her about my diagnosis and the ramifications. This is not what I wanted. I try so hard to make her happy. I try so hard to praise the girls and notice when they do things well and talk to them and do things with them. Like this morning I pushed for us to go to a Kids Fishing Day. My wife doesn't notice or note those things. She just sees the negative. After all I've done to be here in Canada now I have to figure out what to do and where to go. I don't know what to do. I'm on disability due to health problems. I don't know anyone here I could stay with. I don't have the money to leave right now. I really don't want to live with my mom. She's not healthy and I don't want to be around someone so mentally unhealthy. I especially don't want to be around my brother who lives with my mom, because he frightens me, and I don't feel safe around him. I guess I can look into getting into some kind of housing for people with disabilities. I don't know how that works when you are in a different country. I so wanted this to work out, and I have busted my ass off. Clearly I have no business being married. I will never get into another relationship again. It never works out. People say they want to understand Aspergers/Autism, but when it comes right down to it, it's too much work and takes too much effort. I put my wife's Mother's Day presents on the table and told her they are from the girls. I told her to not include me tomorrow because I don't deserve any recognition and anything the girls have done is because their mom told them to do it for me. From what my wife has said, that shouldn't be hard for her. She sees me as not being part of the family anyway even when at the last minute I go to the school to help them pick up trash or get my step daughter the supplies she needs to make her mom a Mother's Day present. I spend more time with them than their dad does. I'm so lost right now. I have to start figuring out how to get out of here, where to go, and how to start a new life. Our relationship has completely changed. It makes my head spin to think how much it has changed. My wife used to be so romantic and always doing little sweet things. She used to hardly be able to wait to put the girls to bed so we could have time together. Now she just sits downstairs and watches tv by herself or goes to a neighbor friend of hers to hang out. We almost never have time together at all. We don't do date nights or even really talk about ourselves like we used to. A week or two ago I promised to put the computer away after the girls went to bed so we could have time together. My wife acted like she didn't believe I would do it. Well, I did do it and she started staying downstairs watching tv by herself or reading obviously avoiding me. I'm so tired. I feel so defeated. Thanks for listening.

Comments

I'm so sorry to hear about this Amatullah :cry: It's really hard when one doesn't know what to do. I felt the same way about a month ago. At that point, I had so much on my plate, including schoolwork that must be completed before graduation, thinking about applying for jobs, thinking about grad school sometime in the future, and stress that I was becoming isolated from my friends and my boyfriend. On top of that, I was sexually anxious (my boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years and we haven't even done it yet). However, things did get resolved one way or another. It got better because I told myself to relax, think things one thing at a time, and talk to my mother because she is the one person I can count on when I need someone to talk to.

On that note, is there anyone you can at least talk to about your situation? Someone you can always count on when there is something going on in your life that can seem unbearable? Just throwing out ideas because I feel really bad that your life has turned upside down like that. I just wish there was something I could do to make it better.

I hope things work out for you because you really do seem like a nice person.
 

Blog entry information

Author
amatullahjr
Read time
4 min read
Views
524
Comments
1
Last update

More entries in General

  • Anglo Saxons
    I am looking to do a thesis at the end of my history degree ie: when all the coursework has been...
  • Feelings
    The feeling Of rain inside, the storm, the cold, the darkness. The need to keep the lights off...
  • Executive functioning
    Not that long ago, I found out what executive functioning means. Once I understood what it was...
  • I have an idea
    I have started looking into the idea of a dual layered system. Masking and a psychological...
  • Primary sources
    I submitted an assignment recently about primary sources re: Charlemagne's coronation (800CE)...

Share this entry

Top Bottom