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Loss of Independence

My family was one in which the women were strong and independent figures. My mother's mother was a psychiatrist in the days when that was highly unusual. My mother was also a psychiatrist. One sister is a psychiatrist and the other is a Physician's Assistant. So I've had a lot of role models of strong and independent women and I was also very independent and self sufficient all my life until a few months ago.

Growing up I took ballet and rode horseback daily. My legs were extremely strong. Never did I ever imagine that one day my legs would be my weak spot.

When you can barely walk a few feet with a walker and can't stand for more than about a minute your independence is taken away big time. This is a very new, uncomfortable and scary feeling for me.

I have always taken care of myself and supported myself, even during my marriage. In fact, I have prided myself on my independence. I've travelled alone in countries where I did not speak the language and was never afraid. I've moved jobs and locations, including overseas, many times and never blinked for a moment.

But I'm blinking a lot now. My legs have succumbed to arthritic knees and hips which all need replacement they are so bad. The pain is constant, sometimes unbearable. I am taking mild pain medications to control and manage the pain but it is barely under control and frequently spikes to a level that is beyond what my medications can control.
The medications make me sleepy and fuzzy and make it difficult to think clearly and concentrate. I'm unable to read books, play computer games or do much that requires concentration and focus. One of the biggest impacts is on my ability to make good decisions which I've always been able to do. How does one decide which joint to replace first when all four need replacement?

In the face of all this gratitude has started to play a huge role in my life. I am so grateful to friends here on the forum and friends in real life who have been understanding and supportive during this time. Sometimes the feeling of gratitude is so overwhelming I can't begin to verbalize the extent to which I am touched by the support and caring I feel from friends. So from the depths of my heart, I want to thank all my friends on the forum who have been supportive and encouraging to me. It has meant more than I could ever express.

Comments

I would love to give you a huge hug right now. It most be so hard to go through what you’re going through.

Your spirit and your intellect are intact, though.

When you arrived here, I was SURE that you were younger than me, that you were a thirty something, I swear! That’s why I say that your spirit is intact.

I say that your intellect is also intact because I read you all the time, and very few people have the ability to put into words their thoughts and feeling like you. This blog post that you wrote is an example of that.

I really hope the pain goes away or at least lessens. And if it means something... I think you are amazing!
 
I would love to give you a huge hug right now. It most be so hard to go through what you’re going through.

Your spirit and your intellect are intact, though.

When you arrived here, I was SURE that you were younger than me, that you were a thirty something, I swear! That’s why I say that your spirit is intact.

I say that your intellect is also intact because I read you all the time, and very few people have the ability to put into words their thoughts and feeling like you. This blog post that you wrote is an example of that.

I really hope the pain goes away or at least lessens. And if it means something... I think you are amazing!
Aww Sabrina! Your response made me cry as I've been pretty down in the dumps today. I had 2 spinal injections for spinal stenosis today- very painful but hopefully will help my right sided pain. I am trying hard to hang in there and your words and support mean so much! I know you are also having just as hard a time in a different way and I hope things get better soon for you too!
Oh and I am 72 so your comment about thinking I was young was nice to hear!
 

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LucyPurrs
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