What annoys me the most is how freaking hard it is to cure this condition. What I mean is fully transitioning from one sex to another to the best of our current technology. When it comes to most mental conditions, society can fix or treat them at little to no cost, but not so for being transgender. There are so many hoops to jump through. You’re supposed to spend a long time living as your desires sex before they even start the meds to make your body closer to your desired sex. You’re supposed to do the “real life” test, that is, live for a whole year as the opposite sex. How in the world am I supposed to do that? Clothes and makeup can only do so much. I’m not naturally feminine. My Adam’s Apple would give me away and if that doesn’t, opening my mouth would. Not to mention I would be super uncomfortable and scared of being found out that I’m still legally a man. I swear this is such a backwards process and it actually exposes transgender people to danger of being outed or exposed as not really being the sex they desire to be. Transgender people, like with gay people, have been murdered for being who they are. Failing to pass is too scary of an issue for me to want to deal with. Yet I’m supposed to pass before I’m given the tools to help me pass better? What sort of logic is that?! I was lucky enough to be able bypass the “real life” test and get hormones.
The other thing is getting letters of recommendation for surgeries. One such standard is being emotionally stable. That is very difficult to do when you really hate being the sex you’re not supposed to be. Supposedly they want to make sure that the person getting the treatments really wants and understands them. I really hate this part, because it’s such a huge barrier specifically to transgender people who already have a ton on their plate. I think I made it perfectly clear I need those operations to feel better. Of course I’m freaking emotionally unstable when so much is wrong about me and you’re refusing me the treatment, especially when my Asperger’s is used against me, as if that somehow makes me incapable of understanding what I need to do. I have yet to get past this process and I may never do so. I really hate these gatekeepers because more often than not, they’re just trying to save their own butts in the very rare event that someone tries to sue them. What about the rest of us that needs these treatments to live healthy? How many other treatments for other conditions are withhold by steps like this?
Then there is the cost of surgeries, which can easily go into the tens of thousands of dollars. The idea is that you save up for years to cover the costs. Umm… no, that isn’t going to work for me. I’m already at a huge disadvantage in even being able to make any money in the first place. I’m disabled. How am I supposed to be expected to make more money than many well-functioning people can make? The excuse is that “if you want it bad enough, you’ll do it”. No, I call bull on that. My mind isn’t stable enough to deal with years upon years of being the wrong sex. It pains me every single day to live as a man when I’m really meant to be a woman. I’m supposed to be able to not completely snap at some point? It’s too late. I’m already broken and dead inside. So many life threating emergencies will get surgeries done, like deep cuts to stitch them up. For some reason, transgender operations are not considered life necessary and all the cost comes out of pocket.
The attempted suicide rate for transgender people is a whopping 40 something percent. How much of this has to do with society’s views toward transgender people and how much of it is society not giving the freaking cure? This is what annoys me the most. The cure is out there, but you have to jump through so many hoops to get it. Is it any wonder I hate the professional community behind this? Maybe some time in the future all these gatekeeping processes and money will no longer be an issue, but I am living in the here and now where those things are still very much major problems. How many lives could have been saved if there was better treatment for transgender people? Oh sure suicide is a choice and society can’t directly make someone commit suicide, but life does influence our decisions does it not? There is only so much the human mind can take before it decides enough is enough and that life isn’t worth living anymore.
The transgender community has many ways of coping with being transgender and most of these ways don’t work for me. In fact I have come to blows over some transgender people because of this. The biggest thing I’m told is to wear women’s clothes. How is that supposed to make me feel more like a woman? We are not our clothes. Clothes don’t determine sex or even gender. A crossdressing man is still a man and vice versa. Wait, I don’t think women can even be considered to be crossdressing. Now I would like to wear dresses and other clothes deemed female, but I don’t have the body that I like for them. Women’s clothes tend to be more form fitting than men’s clothes. In fact, wearing women’s clothes makes me feel worse because I don’t have the body I want for them.
There’s also the idea that because I feel like a woman, that I am already a woman. If it were that simple, than what would be the point of transitioning in the first place? There’s a reason it is, or used to be called trapped in the wrong body. I still have a male body. Even if my brain is female, it doesn’t make the rest of my body female. I don’t understand how other transgender people cope with this, but this doesn’t work for me. Yet I feel like I’m told I’m in the wrong for this.
In fact one time I really wanted to focus on sounding like a woman so I could use voice chat in video games and not sound like a man. A transwoman told me I was focusing too much on that and should focus on clothes. Excuse me? Who does she think she is to tell me the “proper” way to transition? Whatever happened to multiple correct ways? She mentioned clothes helped most transwomen. I am not most transwomen. I hate the majority argument. Unlike the majority of trans people, I don’t have access to any old job, a spouse, and children. I don’t live a “normal” life because I can’t. I feel social justice might have led to the trans community being a lot more close minded and even flat out denying reality at times. I can’t cope by denying my reality. I still look and sound like a man in public. Putting on clothes and makeup won’t change that. It’s like people can’t accept that what works for them doesn’t work for me. I can’t force society to view and treat me as a woman when I appear like a man. No I won’t keep trying something that keeps not working like putting on women’s clothes because it isn’t suddenly going to be like, one day, I’ll think this works for me. No means no.
People told me if I do this and that, I’ll feel better. They are wrong most of the time. It doesn’t matter how much I try to help other people, I still hate myself. Even now finally having a part time job sorting mail doesn’t make me feel better that people are getting their mail properly. It doesn’t matter what my doctors or parents tell me, they simply don’t know or understand me enough.
So yes, I am very, very bitter. Society has failed me. I tried to get Medicare and that failed. I tried to bag and pled for surgeries. That failed. I tried different transgender communities. That failed because I’m too different from them to accept. Social “justice” was supposed to come in and help people, but all it has done is damaged me further. Is it any wonder I hate my life and society? I’m only 29 and I am not looking forward to the rest of my life at all.
The other thing is getting letters of recommendation for surgeries. One such standard is being emotionally stable. That is very difficult to do when you really hate being the sex you’re not supposed to be. Supposedly they want to make sure that the person getting the treatments really wants and understands them. I really hate this part, because it’s such a huge barrier specifically to transgender people who already have a ton on their plate. I think I made it perfectly clear I need those operations to feel better. Of course I’m freaking emotionally unstable when so much is wrong about me and you’re refusing me the treatment, especially when my Asperger’s is used against me, as if that somehow makes me incapable of understanding what I need to do. I have yet to get past this process and I may never do so. I really hate these gatekeepers because more often than not, they’re just trying to save their own butts in the very rare event that someone tries to sue them. What about the rest of us that needs these treatments to live healthy? How many other treatments for other conditions are withhold by steps like this?
Then there is the cost of surgeries, which can easily go into the tens of thousands of dollars. The idea is that you save up for years to cover the costs. Umm… no, that isn’t going to work for me. I’m already at a huge disadvantage in even being able to make any money in the first place. I’m disabled. How am I supposed to be expected to make more money than many well-functioning people can make? The excuse is that “if you want it bad enough, you’ll do it”. No, I call bull on that. My mind isn’t stable enough to deal with years upon years of being the wrong sex. It pains me every single day to live as a man when I’m really meant to be a woman. I’m supposed to be able to not completely snap at some point? It’s too late. I’m already broken and dead inside. So many life threating emergencies will get surgeries done, like deep cuts to stitch them up. For some reason, transgender operations are not considered life necessary and all the cost comes out of pocket.
The attempted suicide rate for transgender people is a whopping 40 something percent. How much of this has to do with society’s views toward transgender people and how much of it is society not giving the freaking cure? This is what annoys me the most. The cure is out there, but you have to jump through so many hoops to get it. Is it any wonder I hate the professional community behind this? Maybe some time in the future all these gatekeeping processes and money will no longer be an issue, but I am living in the here and now where those things are still very much major problems. How many lives could have been saved if there was better treatment for transgender people? Oh sure suicide is a choice and society can’t directly make someone commit suicide, but life does influence our decisions does it not? There is only so much the human mind can take before it decides enough is enough and that life isn’t worth living anymore.
The transgender community has many ways of coping with being transgender and most of these ways don’t work for me. In fact I have come to blows over some transgender people because of this. The biggest thing I’m told is to wear women’s clothes. How is that supposed to make me feel more like a woman? We are not our clothes. Clothes don’t determine sex or even gender. A crossdressing man is still a man and vice versa. Wait, I don’t think women can even be considered to be crossdressing. Now I would like to wear dresses and other clothes deemed female, but I don’t have the body that I like for them. Women’s clothes tend to be more form fitting than men’s clothes. In fact, wearing women’s clothes makes me feel worse because I don’t have the body I want for them.
There’s also the idea that because I feel like a woman, that I am already a woman. If it were that simple, than what would be the point of transitioning in the first place? There’s a reason it is, or used to be called trapped in the wrong body. I still have a male body. Even if my brain is female, it doesn’t make the rest of my body female. I don’t understand how other transgender people cope with this, but this doesn’t work for me. Yet I feel like I’m told I’m in the wrong for this.
In fact one time I really wanted to focus on sounding like a woman so I could use voice chat in video games and not sound like a man. A transwoman told me I was focusing too much on that and should focus on clothes. Excuse me? Who does she think she is to tell me the “proper” way to transition? Whatever happened to multiple correct ways? She mentioned clothes helped most transwomen. I am not most transwomen. I hate the majority argument. Unlike the majority of trans people, I don’t have access to any old job, a spouse, and children. I don’t live a “normal” life because I can’t. I feel social justice might have led to the trans community being a lot more close minded and even flat out denying reality at times. I can’t cope by denying my reality. I still look and sound like a man in public. Putting on clothes and makeup won’t change that. It’s like people can’t accept that what works for them doesn’t work for me. I can’t force society to view and treat me as a woman when I appear like a man. No I won’t keep trying something that keeps not working like putting on women’s clothes because it isn’t suddenly going to be like, one day, I’ll think this works for me. No means no.
People told me if I do this and that, I’ll feel better. They are wrong most of the time. It doesn’t matter how much I try to help other people, I still hate myself. Even now finally having a part time job sorting mail doesn’t make me feel better that people are getting their mail properly. It doesn’t matter what my doctors or parents tell me, they simply don’t know or understand me enough.
So yes, I am very, very bitter. Society has failed me. I tried to get Medicare and that failed. I tried to bag and pled for surgeries. That failed. I tried different transgender communities. That failed because I’m too different from them to accept. Social “justice” was supposed to come in and help people, but all it has done is damaged me further. Is it any wonder I hate my life and society? I’m only 29 and I am not looking forward to the rest of my life at all.
