So earlier this week I visited a psychiatrist because that apparently is the way it is at the clinic I?m visiting for my current slew of issues. Their policy pretty much is that you have to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist just for the first interview so they can assess what your problems are. Seems like a fair policy.
Furthermore, the clinic is the same I went for 2 years ago and as such the one I got my Asperger?s diagnosis from. Luckily enough, the psychologist I visited was the same lady I saw before. So that made my interview with her a bit easier. She knew a lot of my stuff, had it on file and I didn?t feel there was a big barrier in terms of trust and all with her.
The interview with her went fairly well and was short because of the information she had around already. I just updated her what went down the last year. Applied for this, went to look for that, did such and such and now I?m back here again.
So, 3 weeks later (last week) I had an appointment with a psychiatrist. And that was a totally different deal. A few things came to mind in the past 24 hours after the appointment (as well as some during the interview).
The psychiatrist asked me questions, which shouldn?t be necessary since that information is already on file. He asked me if I ever saw other therapists in my life. Yes? and it?s an extensive list. I?ve been in and out offices 7 times or so already. But after the first mention he already cut me off and went on with another question. This went on for a full 30 minute talk. I expressed my annoyance about this on the forum already, so I?ll try really hard to not address it again.
We?ve had a chat about my diagnosis and how I felt about it. I told him I suspected to be on the spectrum years ago and much like therapists in the past told me (and referred me 2 years ago) I just needed a paper in terms of services and proof that I?m apparently not ?normal? (for lack of a better word).
I also told him that it didn?t bother me as much, since well.. .?I am what I am?. I accept my condition and move on. I?ll try to make the best out of life to not get me down. How I do it, that?s a totally different matter. Currently at least, employment is not involved. In a sense I?ve been told that considering my problems I?m actually doing pretty fine. Simply put; Therapy will not help you any more. If anything, it might even get you down more.
If you wish, you can put a dramatic twist to it: ?I?m sorry, we can?t help you?. That in a sense reminds me of people that are being told ?you have cancer, and you don?t have that long anymore?. Yes, I?m aware that cancer and other bodily ailments can, and perhaps are worse than my case but for lack of a better example; these are the cards you?ve been dealt? have fun playing.
So long story short. The psychiatrist told me ?I must be tough living your life. People did more stupid things (commit suicide for example) for much less mental problems. But looking at it I don?t think we can offer any help in terms of therapy.?
I?m joyful, since I?ll obviously save money since I don?t need to shell out a lot of cash for therapy. But then reality sinks in.
I?m not even seeing a therapist because I have a problem with being me. That?s the first issues that arose with the psychiatrist. It?s not that I refuse help either. But I don?t see anything wrong. Others want me fixed, and the ones that actually want me fixed are also the people that cannot give a useful advice that?s realistic in terms of treatment.
Mind you, the people that want me fixed are social services. The list of issues that exists within me are in fact things that keep me sane and to some extent happy. A therapist will most likely not nudge those. In this day and age where they want to cure people in s short amount of time, the last they want is to give someone with autism therapy and create a supermassive black hole of depression that happens because of said therapy.
That being said; it?s becoming a game, much like something I addressed in a blog of mine earlier. Someone wants me changed, but they cannot explain what exactly they want changed, aside from the fact that there exists an ignorance that they think everything can be fixed with a pill. It made me think about people that use medical marijuana for their bipolar. I?ve did my fair share of marijuana in the past, and I?m quite sure that I?d be way too spaced out to work. There?s meds that make you sleepy, meds that don?t allow you to drive, and the list goes on. All praise the ignorance of bureaucracy.
There however is a problem in the long run, and this is something my doctor addressed. It?s a thought that stresses me out if I think about it too much and the best remedy would be to not think about it, though a voice within me says ?ignoring it won?t make it go away. Better yet, ignoring it for now will catch you off guard?? and that?s the sad truth. See; with current cutbacks the government is tightening rules for disability income, but they?re also limiting social security. A system my parents, and my grandparents fought hard for in the past 50 years is slowly deteriorating into something non-existant. Thinking about my situation now, I can totally see how in the next few years I?ll be cut off with no income whatsoever. Interstingly enough this is also happening to people like my parents and retirement funds. My mom pretty has been told ?if you reach retirement age you will not receive benefits? we just changed a law, so suck on that?. But? and here?s the funny thing; she paid taxes and all for it during her entire working life. Funny how that works.
So anyway; my entire social group has some kind of government supported income. Either disability or social security. So my frame of reference is about people that cannot hold a job (for whatever reason). I might be biased in that sense, but honestly, I have no clue how it?s going to work out for any of us.
Add in that I?ve pretty much been told ?there?s nothing we can do for you? it makes me wonder if breaking bad actually is my future.
Furthermore, the clinic is the same I went for 2 years ago and as such the one I got my Asperger?s diagnosis from. Luckily enough, the psychologist I visited was the same lady I saw before. So that made my interview with her a bit easier. She knew a lot of my stuff, had it on file and I didn?t feel there was a big barrier in terms of trust and all with her.
The interview with her went fairly well and was short because of the information she had around already. I just updated her what went down the last year. Applied for this, went to look for that, did such and such and now I?m back here again.
So, 3 weeks later (last week) I had an appointment with a psychiatrist. And that was a totally different deal. A few things came to mind in the past 24 hours after the appointment (as well as some during the interview).
The psychiatrist asked me questions, which shouldn?t be necessary since that information is already on file. He asked me if I ever saw other therapists in my life. Yes? and it?s an extensive list. I?ve been in and out offices 7 times or so already. But after the first mention he already cut me off and went on with another question. This went on for a full 30 minute talk. I expressed my annoyance about this on the forum already, so I?ll try really hard to not address it again.
We?ve had a chat about my diagnosis and how I felt about it. I told him I suspected to be on the spectrum years ago and much like therapists in the past told me (and referred me 2 years ago) I just needed a paper in terms of services and proof that I?m apparently not ?normal? (for lack of a better word).
I also told him that it didn?t bother me as much, since well.. .?I am what I am?. I accept my condition and move on. I?ll try to make the best out of life to not get me down. How I do it, that?s a totally different matter. Currently at least, employment is not involved. In a sense I?ve been told that considering my problems I?m actually doing pretty fine. Simply put; Therapy will not help you any more. If anything, it might even get you down more.
If you wish, you can put a dramatic twist to it: ?I?m sorry, we can?t help you?. That in a sense reminds me of people that are being told ?you have cancer, and you don?t have that long anymore?. Yes, I?m aware that cancer and other bodily ailments can, and perhaps are worse than my case but for lack of a better example; these are the cards you?ve been dealt? have fun playing.
So long story short. The psychiatrist told me ?I must be tough living your life. People did more stupid things (commit suicide for example) for much less mental problems. But looking at it I don?t think we can offer any help in terms of therapy.?
I?m joyful, since I?ll obviously save money since I don?t need to shell out a lot of cash for therapy. But then reality sinks in.
I?m not even seeing a therapist because I have a problem with being me. That?s the first issues that arose with the psychiatrist. It?s not that I refuse help either. But I don?t see anything wrong. Others want me fixed, and the ones that actually want me fixed are also the people that cannot give a useful advice that?s realistic in terms of treatment.
Mind you, the people that want me fixed are social services. The list of issues that exists within me are in fact things that keep me sane and to some extent happy. A therapist will most likely not nudge those. In this day and age where they want to cure people in s short amount of time, the last they want is to give someone with autism therapy and create a supermassive black hole of depression that happens because of said therapy.
That being said; it?s becoming a game, much like something I addressed in a blog of mine earlier. Someone wants me changed, but they cannot explain what exactly they want changed, aside from the fact that there exists an ignorance that they think everything can be fixed with a pill. It made me think about people that use medical marijuana for their bipolar. I?ve did my fair share of marijuana in the past, and I?m quite sure that I?d be way too spaced out to work. There?s meds that make you sleepy, meds that don?t allow you to drive, and the list goes on. All praise the ignorance of bureaucracy.
There however is a problem in the long run, and this is something my doctor addressed. It?s a thought that stresses me out if I think about it too much and the best remedy would be to not think about it, though a voice within me says ?ignoring it won?t make it go away. Better yet, ignoring it for now will catch you off guard?? and that?s the sad truth. See; with current cutbacks the government is tightening rules for disability income, but they?re also limiting social security. A system my parents, and my grandparents fought hard for in the past 50 years is slowly deteriorating into something non-existant. Thinking about my situation now, I can totally see how in the next few years I?ll be cut off with no income whatsoever. Interstingly enough this is also happening to people like my parents and retirement funds. My mom pretty has been told ?if you reach retirement age you will not receive benefits? we just changed a law, so suck on that?. But? and here?s the funny thing; she paid taxes and all for it during her entire working life. Funny how that works.
So anyway; my entire social group has some kind of government supported income. Either disability or social security. So my frame of reference is about people that cannot hold a job (for whatever reason). I might be biased in that sense, but honestly, I have no clue how it?s going to work out for any of us.
Add in that I?ve pretty much been told ?there?s nothing we can do for you? it makes me wonder if breaking bad actually is my future.
