You Stole My Obsession!

[Gomendosi]

Alrighty folks, another strange one, I only ask because I have to know if anybody else encounters things like this and what they make of it.

This is mostly a family thing I suppose but, have you ever had an obsession and somebody else adopts it and so you then lose interest?

For as long as I can remember I develop a passion and/ or love for something only to have someone else show increasing interest in same and that?s when I find that that eventually kills my enjoyment of said thing.
Like with my family, as an example I began to show an interest in non sports collector cards beginning with cards of popular films, I gave some ?swaps? (essentially doubles of cards I already had) to my brothers and then next thing I know they are collecting them as well, which ordinarily would have been fine but, they refused to swap with me, rather, they would turn a profit selling me their cards I needed.
This behavior extended to my own mother with one of the first (swap) card games available, she would get doubles of ?rare? cards and sell them to me to fuel her own collecting.
She would often complete sets of cards and then start making sets, free of charge, for each of my brothers.

 

[Bay]

Ok, I'll take a try. Disclaimer: I am NOT trained in psychology, psychiatry or social work so if my thoughts don't seem to fit, disregard them.

Yes, I think I have done this, but not with anyone close to me. I think it is because I see my interests as part of my identity, as though they are qualities that are unique to me. If another person takes up that interest, it sort of "steals" my identity, or at least "steals" something that I regard as uniquely belonging to me. I believe there may also be a control issue there, but I have not thought at part through just yet.

It strikes me as rather unfair and unjust that your brothers will not participate in your interest with the same generosity that you do. That would be discouraging to me and I would probably want to pursue another interest on my own without such interactions. Sometimes other people's participation just seems to "mess up" or make untidy something that I take a pure joy from. It is rare that I meet someone who has a similar interest to mine that pursues it with the same sense of respect for the subject matter that I do.

What do you think? Does any of this ring true for you, Gomendosi?

 

[earthsteward70]

For me, others having the same interest does not sway mine. I think I'll always be obsessed with plants. I'm already planning on how I can learn more about them after I get my associates. When someones showing similar interest it fuels me and we end up having excited conversations. I like seeing their enthusiasm and sometimes I'll get a tidbit of information I didn't know... although I've been stumping my teacher a few times lately and having to research the answers for myself.:S

 

[King_Oni]

In a way it sounds familiar.

A friend of mine sometimes hops onto interests I might have.

It can be either because I'm talking about it a lot and it sparked his interest, but also because he feels he needs to do "something new", and feels that cause he knows someone who's into it, it's easier to go along. Most of the time I'll end up answering his questions about subject X.

However, that also comes with the fact that I like to get exposure over subject X for as much as I care, and if he's into it, I'm getting way more exposure towards it in conversation and such. Similarly, I had friends in the past I met through mutual interests (some local hobby "worlds" are rather small in local communities), and because they mailed me a lot, wanted to meet up a lot for interest X and such at some point I pretty much quit it because it wasn't fun anymore and I was really overexposed.

Overexposure with me is a big deal. The moment I get overexposure I kinda go into a "counter" mode. That has led me to abandon computer use in general for roughly 2 weeks, when I was just 3 weeks in my first semester of computer science. And still... I rarely touch (or read for that matter) newspapers or news in general cause of the overexposure I had when I was in journalism school. So I really need to be in control in how much I want to be "into" something, even on a general level. It's also why I tend to not to dive into things that headstrong anymore and keep my interests spread out evenly.

 

[Gomendosi]

Bay, you might have something there, our hobbies and passions are our identity in terms of character. To have someone establish, overtake and finally eclipse your interest tends to dampen it because they may go about it the wrong way, like excluding you from their own enjoyment. As King_Oni says, if the interest matches it can be fuel to the fire and you both play off each other thus heightening that interest, but what if it goes the other way, if it turns into a competition or the newcomer doesn’t share and discuss or worse, is legitimately more passionate than you.

The control issue thing I think is prevalent because whenever you share a bit of yourself like with an interest, it has the potential for abuse, people don’t recognize or maybe, value (?) feelings in others like they have done in the past.

I feel, that for the family it was an abortive attempt at a family activity, but as it wasn’t really their own hobbies, once the boredom set in they reverted to type and turned it into a competition or business and then once they saw they'd killed it for me they moved on, as well unfortunately, this was usually to my next favorite thing LOL





earthsteward70, well done you, I too always enjoy making the teacher look at what they are teaching in a new way, I think in that situation it is always good to go further than them in their own field, it would probably be a disappointment if you didn’t surpass them, if you get what I mean?
This is the antithesis of stealing an obsession where they actually want you to take it and go! Just take it and run with it ; ]

 

[Arashi222]

This is interesting I thought about this. I tend to share my obsessions the more people who can talk about it with me the better at times. Like I find it hard to not be able to talk about my obsessions. I find I might be the one who latches onto things but then doesn't let it go. I agree with Bay though. I think if they are obsessions that are our own are part of us. They are an identity of ourselves that we can show to others. Maybe...I don't know. I guess some people have a taken my obsessions but I never knew about. I was already ditched by those people before I would ever find out. Shrugs.

 

[Bay]

For me, others having the same interest does not sway mine. I think I'll always be obsessed with plants. I'm already planning on how I can learn more about them after I get my associates. When someones showing similar interest it fuels me and we end up having excited conversations. I like seeing their enthusiasm and sometimes I'll get a tidbit of information I didn't know... although I've been stumping my teacher a few times lately and having to research the answers for myself.:S

It is exhilarating to pursue a difficult answer, I think. Like Gomendosi, I think it can be a bit fun to stump the teacher, not to embarrass them but to challenge the field, so to speak. Like you, earthsteward, I want to learn about plants and wish I that I could make a career out of it.

 

[2vette2camaro]

I think the saying "If everybody's special, then nobody's special" says it all. For instance, I am a woman who loves cars, races them and rides Harleys. I have long pink hair, wear bandannas, fingerless gloves, etc. I have a certain "Style". I have been wearing steel-toed boots for 20 years and they are all I wear, and they are in fact, the only pair of "shoes" I have except for my walking shoes to keep in shape. ANYWAYS, if EVERY woman started wearing the same things as I do (which REALLY pisses me off) and racing cars and riding bikes, I then would not be "special" and would have to find new interests. My interests and obsessions are what defines me..

I like being the only person who is into what I am into. I am one of only 2 women in my town who rides a "hard-tail", rigid frame Harley and was the only woman I knew who drag raced.

If I were at a checkout line talking about what I always talk about- ME, and my bikes, etc and every other woman stated in on the conversation about THEM and bikes, etc, it would TOTALLY kill it for me.

I think that's human nature, or maybe just AS- in my honest opinion- I don't want ANY other woman to be into bikes or cars or even ride- but I am an extremest in every way. The few "friends" that I do have, of course, are not into what I am into- they have kids, like to cook, etc. I could NEVER be friends with other women who are interested int he same things I am.....

"If everybody's special, nobody's special"- what if everyone rode a 1939 Knucklehead- then I would have to get rid of mine for sure!!!

 

[carouselgeek]

I WISH other people shared my obsession. Well, they do, but those who do share my obsession live so far away so we seldom get to meet face to face. At least I am very lucky that we have an annual convention, usually in September where others who share my interest in carousels gather and take a bus tour of as many as possible in the chosen region. But I wish people closer to me in my neighbourhood shared my interest because I dream of building my own carousel. I went to a meeting of our local wood-workers club and when I told them about my dream they basically looked at me as if i were from another planet and told me it was impossible! No it's NOT! It's obviously been done before elsewhere or carousels would not exist!

During my trip to North Bay my best friend and I were delighted to have a visit with a lady who has made her dream come true of having her very own carousel in her own back yard!

Mine is still in the drawing-board/dream stage and I've created several quilts to showcase the animals that have been designed so far both by myself and friends, and a few papier-mache models.

 

[Soup]

I had an obsession with making cloth dolls. They had gorgeous hand embroidered faces & beautiful clothing. i wanted them to be play-friendly so each doll could be tied into a pillowcase, washed in the washer & dried in the dryer. I don;t even know how many I made. Some were of older people, others were male, some were blonde with blue eyes, some were freckled redheads, some were Asian (my favourites to make for reasons I can't explain) & some were black or Indian. I sent bagfuls of them to the place where foster care kids are sent before they're transferred to new homes. When they had to go & remove a child from a troubled home, the child typically was removed from their family in a crisis situation so they had nothing but the clothing on their back. When the child arrived at the transfer place, they'd get to choose a doll or a teddy bear to keep. These became treasured possessions for the kids.

I'd try to design these & work when nobody was around but my mother always found a way to interfere with me. Then, she wanted to 'help' me: I made the dolls from design to drafting the patterns to every other detail. I didn't need anybody's help. Then she began telling anyone who'd listen to her that I made these dolls. Her tea biddys began pestering me with orders for pay. Then came an exhibit at the Intercultural Festival where I made dolls representing some 30 countries. These were unique with museum quality embroidery. Then came people wanting me to make them (for pay) as gifts for family members. This limited my options severely because people would want to choose every detail about the dolls & although they were paying, that didn't make them designers with any sense of taste or appropriateness (like what fabrics work for what uses).

Then, my mother wanted me to go into business making dolls with her. She always wants 'IN' on anything I'm interested in or doing. Today, she literally toddled upstairs into my place & wanted to join me in vacuuming the floor & dusting!!! Not to help me but to interact with me. As I've said, she believes that Aspies craving for solitude can be cured by driving them nuts with constant chattering & socializing! Anyhow, there was no way I was going to do that. All the pleasure went out of doll making & it became associated with stress & pressure & I lost interest & never mentioned it again.

Now, I've resumed my interest in art with coloured pencils. Really great coloured pencils allow for incredible effects & I use water colour pencils with too. My mother saw me with them the other day (gotta remember to hide & sneak in my own freakin' house!) so now she is bugging me to see my art work & 'share' it with her. I explained to her in plain straightforward terms why I'm not going to show anyone my work & she still tried to explain to me why I 'needed' to share my work (with her especially). I DON'T HAVE ANY SUCH NEED!!! I'm going to try not to allow her interfering tendencies to ruin something that helps maintain my sanity. It even is a form of stim for me.

I don't understand why people insist on telling others what they need, what they want, meddling in their hobbies & interests & taking all the fun out for them.

Years ago, I ran a licensed daycare. We took kids other places would refuse. One boy was far along on the Autism spectrum + he had a growth issue (he was almost 5' tall at age 5!). He loved lining things up in rows. Rather than bug him about this or try to make him stop because it wasn't normal, I let him line up every item in all the cupboards. With astounding taste, sense & precision, he organized the cupboards daily like a pro. His skill turned out to be a huge boon. Other kids became more organized by learning from him & he felt proud that what he was good at was valued & integrated into the place. He was also a whiz with Legos & numbers so instead of making him do certain arts & crafts things he hated, we allowed him to dazzle us with his Lego skills. Leaving someone alone to do what they're comfortable with & good at is a good thing.

 

[Csutelan]

I also wish more people shared my obsession. I love to talk about anything related to books including specific authors, illustrators, publishers, periods, genres, bindings, etc. Unfortunately I really don't have anyone to discuss these topics with. My wife and mother will listen politely but almost everyone else including my two teenage children just rolls their eyes at me. When people come to our house I will find myself boring them with discussions of arcane book-related facts. After they leave I usually feel stupid for having shared my interest like a child with someone that probably could care less. However, this absence of kindred souls hasn't dampened my interests in my hobby; I started collecting books as a teenager in the 80s and my passion is stonger than ever after almost 25 years!

 

[carouselgeek]

I too made a variety of cloth dolls. I used to make them professionally for a business but I quit my job in January of 2003 because my former boss was increasingly abusive toward me. In 2006 ZI started making dolls of my own and I've sold several over the years at various sales and events including the Geneva Symposium. I haven't made any more dolls recently but I've applied my doll making skills to miniature carousel horses to make soft-sculpture versions of the horses that have been designed for my carousel. I'm working on a line of "Collector's Edition" horses where I have a different one evey year that I make several copies of, each with its own number and Certificate of Authenticity. My first is the "Honeymoon Horse" designed by my friend Janette. And I'm also making a bunch of plain white horses customers can decorate themselves.