Working with "organizer"

[granolaturtle]

She's nice, but I kind of have mixed feelings about her. I've gotten quite a bit of help staying on track with school work.

But when we first met, she'd make a lot of odd comments about how I'm smarter than most autistic people, how I can talk better than her son, how many problems her son has. It doesn't feel like a compliment. It's like the disability equivalent of being told "you're not like other girls".

She works with other disabled people, including one girl she calls a "downs syndrome girl". She also did ABA so this also makes me very wary of her.

She sends me texts and is trying to get me to read my textbook everyday, which is a good idea but when I don't it's just full on lecture time. And there's no way I can correct it. If she texts me while I'm reading the textbook to ask "have you read everyday" and since I haven't it doesn't even matter that I'm getting it done now, I just need to hear another bout of "you need to do this".

My (neurotypical) mom loves the woman and thinks she can do no wrong. So i feel very stuck.

There's no real choice involved here. I have to like and get along with this woman. If I don't I'm just dragging everyone down again.

She also kind of ignores what I say and adds her own interpretation to it. Like I tried to explain that when doing work, I start with the easiest thing first because I need to build momentum and confidence that I can complete tasks. She twisted it to mean that I need to start with the hardest thing first because that's how she does things. and then turns around and says "I'm not trying to change you".

When I told her that I don't feel relief or happiness at completing difficult tasks, and so orienting things around self rewards night not be a good idea, she just said "you'll feel it at some point."

But she has helped. I just... I don't feel like I have a full choice or am being fully respected as a 19 year old adult college student. But maybe I'm wrong. Does anyone else here have experience with "organizers"?

 

[dragoncat16]

I'm not really sure what an "organizer" is in this sense, but I'll assume it's like a personal life coach because that's how it seems from the context. Is that close?

Unless she is looking over your shoulder 24/7, you don't have to do everything her way. If you get stuff done your way, that should be fine. If you get the textbook reading done on time, what should it matter whether you read it every day or all at once?

I know you might find it difficult, but perhaps bring these issues up with her. Tell her what you like about what she does, and also tell her what you don't feel quite as comfortable with.

Maybe she really isn't trying to change you and perhaps you sometimes misinterpret when she tells you how she does something as her trying to tell you that's how you should do it.

She really shouldn't be calling someone "Downs syndrome girl" though (not sure what ABA is). That suggests to me that she might feel superior and feel that disabled people shouldn't be allowed to accomplish stuff on their own.

At the end of the day, it's your decision as an adult. If you don't feel comfortable with her, perhaps you could find someone else to help you.

 

[SunnyDay16]

If you do not really need her, then you don't need her. Don't feel guilty about it. Just because you have a disability doesn't mean you need someone to help you with something you are already good with. Now, if you do need her help sometimes, then maybe you could request someone else in her place or tell her how you really feel (in a respectful way of course). She is there to serve you.

 

[Momo]

I personally wouldn't be able it stand having soneobe organising my life for me, I think I would go nuts. But I'm generally pretty good with organisation, if my day doesn't run to plan I go bananas... But if you feel she helps, that's cool, just make your boundaries clear and if she steps over them say so.