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Will ASD friend forgive me...

O

Okareka

New Member
I’m a non ASD. I have been friends with an ( assumed - I’ll explain later ) ASD for 4 years. Most of our chatting has been online as we live in different cities. During our chats I had admitted I liked him, he had replied saying he was still getting over heartbreak and with time he would be keen to explore us as well. He offered 6 weeks later to meet up, it was great. I loved his passion for his kids and work. We got on well, he said he found me attractive ( I felt chemistry too). Later that evening I knocked on his door and asked to talk - we chatted and later he asked what I would like if we got physical, I replied kisses and cuddles. We had fun and it advanced further but he went soft ( sorry! TMI!) then he turned and cried, he wouldn’t let me comfort him. It was awkward and he asked if I could go to my room. Despite what happened I adored him - I texted him my feelings - he pulled away...misunderstandings and errors ( on my part) happened, I must have pushed too hard - he ended up blocking me ( I was heartbroken). I sent a birthday gift 6 weeks later ( he told me angrily via text he wasn’t interested). Looking back and with the knowledge I now have My assumptions are that he is ASD ( not that it matters as I adored him). He was insular, intelligent, son with ASD, sister with bipolar, wonderful talker, fast talker too, polite, limited food and clothing choices, limited friends, specific music editing talent, always texted never called, anxiety, depression, limited contact with family, charming, he said he had a short temper, ( he also said he had high cortisol), he’d had several relationships, was adverse to change.... He felt I wasn’t respecting his needs - he hadn’t told me his needs. He only said he wasn’t ready to really open up...From this experience I feel so heartbroken, I’ve lost a good friend. He had never told me about his ASD but he had told me so many other things, his pay, relationships, life in detail....I just want to be friends. Will he ever forgive me or be my friend again or is it all gone....I feel so sad about it ( 3-4 months now..).
 
Hello. I guess I don't understand how any of us would know if your friend would forgive you or not since we're not him.
 
Magna said:
Hello. I guess I don't understand how any of us would know if your friend would forgive you or not since we're not him.
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Thanks for your reply - perhaps if you were in a similar situation... would you cut and run or in time return as a friend?
 
Know that although autistic people can have similarities with each other (just as neurotypical people can with other neurotypicals) we're not all the same. Your friend's feelings are his own and unique to him just as your feelings are your own and unique to you. Hopefully he wants to maintain a friendship with you again if that's what you want. In my experience with relationships including friendships, if they stop for some reason, there passes an amount of time where typically it reaches a point of no return.

I wish you the best.
 
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My experiences have been when it is that broken, there's no going back or forward together.
 
He has been extremely clear to you. Most people say that communication is key, communication is key, communication is key. He really communicated but you seem to be upset because he is not communicating words you want.

He has been so clear that even an gnat could understand. He wants nothing more to do with you. He may forgive you if you leave him alone but if you keep needling him not only will he not forgive you, but he will think of you as a stalker. You must move on. And further, if he comes slinking back after his words and blocking, stand our ground! It's over!
 
Okareka said:
I’m a non ASD. I have been friends with an ( assumed - I’ll explain later ) ASD for 4 years. Most of our chatting has been online as we live in different cities. During our chats I had admitted I liked him, he had replied saying he was still getting over heartbreak and with time he would be keen to explore us as well. He offered 6 weeks later to meet up, it was great. I loved his passion for his kids and work. We got on well, he said he found me attractive ( I felt chemistry too). Later that evening I knocked on his door and asked to talk - we chatted and later he asked what I would like if we got physical, I replied kisses and cuddles. We had fun and it advanced further but he went soft ( sorry! TMI!) then he turned and cried, he wouldn’t let me comfort him. It was awkward and he asked if I could go to my room. Despite what happened I adored him - I texted him my feelings - he pulled away...misunderstandings and errors ( on my part) happened, I must have pushed too hard - he ended up blocking me ( I was heartbroken). I sent a birthday gift 6 weeks later ( he told me angrily via text he wasn’t interested). Looking back and with the knowledge I now have My assumptions are that he is ASD ( not that it matters as I adored him). He was insular, intelligent, son with ASD, sister with bipolar, wonderful talker, fast talker too, polite, limited food and clothing choices, limited friends, specific music editing talent, always texted never called, anxiety, depression, limited contact with family, charming, he said he had a short temper, ( he also said he had high cortisol), he’d had several relationships, was adverse to change.... He felt I wasn’t respecting his needs - he hadn’t told me his needs. He only said he wasn’t ready to really open up...From this experience I feel so heartbroken, I’ve lost a good friend. He had never told me about his ASD but he had told me so many other things, his pay, relationships, life in detail....I just want to be friends. Will he ever forgive me or be my friend again or is it all gone....I feel so sad about it ( 3-4 months now..).
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We don’t know. You’d be better served examining your own neurology than his. What is your background & mental state that causes you to cling to a relationship that is clearly over? This is more about you than him. He sounds done with you from what you’ve described.
 
It kind of sounds to me like he was only interested in one thing (sex) and when he couldn't do that, he doesn't want you around.

Sorry, that sucks. Been there. You're not at fault here.
 
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