When I First Met God.

[SimonSays]

It’s hard to say when that was exactly, as I look back over my life I see his hand all over it. The more I look, the more I realise he’d been there all along.

It was the first time I really felt him, unmistakably real; I knew who I was with him there, what I was being shown.

I could make a choice; accept him and let him teach me what I needed to learn. Show me what I needed to see so that I could become the man I felt inside.

But then, having chosen it, I was suddenly no longer sure I could accept any of it. I doubted it all.

I stopped believing. I wasn’t sure any of it was real. I decided if it was real then it would become real regardless of what I did.

Well, that was true I think. I didn’t stop believing entirely, but it made me make choices that would take time to work out. It stopped me doing what I might otherwise do because each time I saw something that might take me back to Him, so the same doubts would appear and I would turn away again.

A number of experiences took place. Each stands on its own, and ought to have by itself been enough to leave me in no doubt that God was involved. And each did, in its own way, for a time.

I was experiencing something that I could not deny, but I was also aware that something masquerading under the banner of delusion could be behind it. If I could easily see it as a delusion just by looking at it, it wouldn’t be much of a delusion. And which ‘I’ would be looking at it anyway? Could this all be something I was creating without knowing it?

It would be fine if it were true, I just wanted to know. It would make things a lot simpler if I found I was just a little bit insane. I could accept it, continue to accept it each time I felt it, until eventually it would leave me alone.

But it didn’t leave, it stayed, settled in, and things continued to happen even though I wasn’t choosing it anymore. They always made me feel so much better about myself whenever they occurred. Reminding me of Him even if I wasn’t ready to truly accept it.

When I speak sometimes, it comes out in a clear stream of consciousness, and brings so much clarity that only recording it, listening to it after, makes sense.

Most of them are made alone, but some have been made in the company of others, and it would be nice to do some in the company of more. That will make what comes out different. I’d like to try that one day.

 

[Gift2humanity]

It’s hard to say when that was exactly, as I look back over my life I see his hand all over it. The more I look, the more I realise he’d been there all along.
Does this go back as far as you can remember?
It was the first time I really felt him, unmistakably real; I knew who I was with him there, what I was being shown.
How old were you at this stage.
I could make a choice; accept him and let him teach me what I needed to learn. Show me what I needed to see so that I could become the man I felt inside.
You are very fortunate.
But then, having chosen it, I was suddenly no longer sure I could accept any of it. I doubted it all.
Well such a massive thing, and many people around with none or little divine connection.
I stopped believing. I wasn’t sure any of it was real. I decided if it was real then it would become real regardless of what I did.
How would this becoming manifest for you.
Well, that was true I think. I didn’t stop believing entirely, but it made me make choices that would take time to work out. It stopped me doing what I might otherwise do because each time I saw something that might take me back to Him, so the same doubts would appear and I would turn away again.
Do you mean he helped you to start making decisions without thinking that is to say he helped you carefully weigh up pros and cons.?

A number of experiences took place. Each stands on its own, and ought to have by itself been enough to leave me in no doubt that God was involved. And each did, in its own way, for a time.
Serendipity?
I was experiencing something that I could not deny, but I was also aware that something masquerading under the banner of delusion could be behind it. If I could easily see it as a delusion just by looking at it, it wouldn’t be much of a delusion. And which ‘I’ would be looking at it anyway? Could this all be something I was creating without knowing it?
Very, deep.
It would be fine if it were true, I just wanted to know. It would make things a lot simpler if I found I was just a little bit insane. I could accept it, continue to accept it each time I felt it, until eventually it would leave me alone.
They say insanity and genius/psychic ability and high intelligence are close, you Sounded like you had a good balance.

But it didn’t leave, it stayed, settled in, and things continued to happen even though I wasn’t choosing it anymore. They always made me feel so much better about myself whenever they occurred. Reminding me of Him even if I wasn’t ready to truly accept it.
I’d have loved this feeling of security as a child/adolescent.
When I speak sometimes, it comes out in a clear stream of consciousness, and brings so much clarity that only recording it, listening to it after, makes sense.
That’s the opposite of many autistic people, my mind goes blank, I stammer, I say things I don’t want to say, or I miss out of things I should say when really I would prefer an eloquent Stream of confident consciousness.
Most of them are made alone, but some have been made in the company of others, and it would be nice to do some in the company of more. That will make what comes out different. I’d like to try that one day.I bet it would be inspiring to hear such a speech so long as my level of consciousness is high enough to understand and learn from it. Thank you for this post.

 

[SimonSays]

That’s the opposite of many autistic people, my mind goes blank, I stammer, I say things I don’t want to say, or I miss out of things I should say when really I would prefer an eloquent Stream of confident consciousness.

It's a practice. I practice talking this way. Recording it, then playing it back so I can hear how it sounds. I've been doing i for years. It's rare but if I'm really comfortable around someone, I might do it with them there. I'll tell them I'm going to talk out loud. Nothing I say is directed at them. Nothing is personal. I'm never talking to them only near them. Sometimes I suddenly have them react and say something as they have forgotten I'm not talking to them, lol. It's why I always speak alone if I can.

It might be different if I had an audience of a few. Just to see. I have done this in public before. Just sat on a bench somewhere and shared what was on my mind. I had my eyes closed. When I opened them again a few people had stopped to listen, but carried on walking the moment I saw them there.

 

[Gift2humanity]

[It's a practice. I practice talking this way. Recording it, then playing it back so I can hear how it sounds. That sounds a good idea. I've been doing i for years. It's rare but if I'm really comfortable around someone, I might do it with them there. That’s nice.I'll tell them I'm going to talk out loud. Nothing I say is directed at them. Nothing is personal. I'm never talking to them only near them. It’s good you have people with. Sometimes I suddenly have them react and say something as they have forgotten I'm not talking to them, lol. It's why I always speak alone if I can.

It might be different if I had an audience of a few. Just to see. I have done this in public before. Just sat on a bench somewhere and shared what was on my mind. I had my eyes closed. When I opened them again a few people had stopped to listen, but carried on walking the moment I saw them there.