What are everyone's thoughts on high school???

[DCA]

I wish I had something good to say. I really do. But all of my experiences in HS was very decidedly negative. Like others I was bullied (including for a while one person that threatened physical violence on a daily basis!), socially ostracized or never fit in, etc. What was worse is back then either you had full-blown autism or you were just the weird socially awkward kid that liked Dungeons & Dragons & SF novels. That was me. I also didn't have any close friends in school (my one & only close friend went to another school) which made it worse.

The only piece of advice I can really give you is that it gets better once you graduate. Keep your head down, do your own thing, don't change yourself to fit in but do so because YOU want to, get good grades & graduate to do something meaningful & fulfilling with your life.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

It's my first year next year, and I'm just wondering if anyone has any pointers for me? I mean, most people I talk to say "Oh, you'll love high school!" Those people are probably wrong for two reasons.
1. They are my parents so they are just trying to make me less nervous.
2. They have no idea what it's like to be autistic.
So of anyone has any suggestions please post

they go like this:the odds of you seeing a guy your age who you may interest romantically are at least 5,183 to 1.if you get nervous upon sight,based on a clique he's affiliated with,how they end up looking at you while thinking amongst themselves that you're cute & if the encounter goes "south" & if ninjas interest you,run.

 

[MrSpock]

(Sort of off topic? Humans are animals. We're not at the 'top' of any evolutionary structure, we, as all creatures and plants living at the moment, have successfully survived to this point using a successful strategy, we've evolved to make use of that strategy. We have a strategy which employs thinking more than most.)

High school was better than being at home for me. I was hardly a social butterfly, but took more beatings and more severe beatings at home than at school. Less mental abuse at school too. It wasn't all great, but you may find that school isn't the worst part of your life, keep an open mind and try to make the best of it.

This is a social opportunity you will never have again. Sure, you'll be able to have social interaction when you've graduated, but it won't be the same. As a kid, pre-high school, you're not expected to be as competent at many things as an adult is. You're supposed to learn basic skills in math, language etc. and those who reach graduation age without acquiring those skills will find themselves to be at a greater disadvantage than when they didn't have those skills but were also peer to those who lacked them. Your environment consists largely of people, and relative advantage is key.

In order to navigate the dating world as a 50 year-old male I'm obliged to try to make sense of women with years and years of experience in this field. Unfortunately they've used this experience to become ever more subtle with their non-verbal communication and hints. It's very difficult, but when I see teenagers who like each other interacting their signals are so very obvious to me now - of course they weren't when I was a teenager. I'm not trying to say that socializing will be easy in high school, but it's never going to get any easier without practice, and the signals you need to use for navigation won't get any more obvious than they are now.

I know that you will have your share of problems, but believe me you're relatively lucky to be aware of being on the spectrum so early in life. You have some idea of how you are at a disadvantage, and are thus more able to avoid the problems that can occur later in life from being unaware during the time of life when we're supposed to be equipping ourselves with tools for our adulthood. If you now, or will ever have an interest in romance I encourage you to equip yourself and gain proficiency with those tools now while it's relatively easy.

I personally find that romance has all of the social problems that friendship or any social situation does, but more, and magnified. What I have said above applies to all socializing (for me anyway), just less so. As a society we don't place so much emphasis on learning to socialize at school, some adults will even tell you that you're not there to learn that, you're there to learn "the three 'r's", but for most aspies socializing may be a more important thing to learn. As for the rest of it, I don't know about you but I can always pick up a book and learn from that. You can't learn socializing so well from a book alone.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

High school sucked, I was bullied a lot, BUT it is only a few short years. Looking back a decade after I left it all seems quite insignificant.

My advice:
Learn martial arts, it'll help your confidence.
Don't pay attention to what's 'popular', stick to your own interests and make friends with people like you.
Don't be a people pleaser. Except with your teachers, they can give you detention.
Don't pay attention to that "they're the best years of you life" BS, it's quite sad to think that for some people 4-5 years before they're even an adult are better that the following 60 odd years... you don't wan't to be one of those people.
You may feel the need to create an 'identity' for yourself, perhaps through things like music and clothes, or perhaps through stressing out over your orientation or gender, or in a variety of other ways. That's fine, but don't stress about it too much, the "who am I" phase is a normal teenaged developmental period, but most people don't really figure themselves out until their 20s.
Get a weekend or summer job, you'll be grateful for the experience later (and the cash).
Be nice to your parents, and listen to their advise. It may seem like they don't understand you or whatever, but they have many years of life experience under their belts, and they were teenagers once too.
Don't stress too much about what to do after you finish school. If you have no idea when you graduate you can just get a boring job to pass the time while you figure it out. Or even better, travel around and get boring jobs in interesting places to pass the time. Don't let anyone pressure you into going straight to uni when you have no idea what sort of career you want.
You do you. Seriously.

 

[Mr Allen]

My advice:
Learn martial arts, it'll help your confidence.
Don't pay attention to what's 'popular', stick to your own interests and make friends with people like you.
Don't be a people pleaser. Except with your teachers, they can give you detention.
Don't pay attention to that "they're the best years of you life" BS, it's quite sad to think that for some people 4-5 years before they're even an adult are better that the following 60 odd years... you don't wan't to be one of those people.
You may feel the need to create an 'identity' for yourself, perhaps through things like music and clothes, or perhaps through stressing out over your orientation or gender, or in a variety of other ways. That's fine, but don't stress about it too much, the "who am I" phase is a normal teenaged developmental period, but most people don't really figure themselves out until their 20s.
Get a weekend or summer job, you'll be grateful for the experience later (and the cash).
Be nice to your parents, and listen to their advise. It may seem like they don't understand you or whatever, but they have many years of life experience under their belts, and they were teenagers once too.
Don't stress too much about what to do after you finish school. If you have no idea when you graduate you can just get a boring job to pass the time while you figure it out. Or even better, travel around and get boring jobs in interesting places to pass the time. Don't let anyone pressure you into going straight to uni when you have no idea what sort of career you want.
You do you. Seriously.

I started Karate aged 14, but I was taught NEVER to use it on anybody, not even on bullies unless in self defence and even then only as a VERY last resort.

 

[I love roses]

- Don't attempt to define your time by the standards of anyone else.
- If you're into something, whether academic or otherwise, stay into it. There is a good chance that someone, somewhere along the line, will give you a hard time of it.
- Don't expect a great deal of understanding from anyone. This is as true of teachers and administrators as it is of the students. You already seem to have a measure of self-awareness. Develop that and get to know yourself even better.
- If you are the type who would like to have friends, (not implying that you don't already have them) then try to have them based on interests or shared sympathies and not an abstract concept of a social ladder.

* I should note, that you are asking this question to a bunch of people who likely had terrible high school experiences; myself included. What I said above are not the things I did, but they things I wish I had done. Don't let all the pessimism you will read here scare you too much. Being autistic will not define your experience but your actions will.

I wasted and was derailed by the social ladder. I had friends that genuinely liked me but I did not acknowledge them enough. They always sat at the same lunch table and I was always welcomed and affirmed. They were decent people. By that I cheated my own self some. Two best friends left me for the social ladder and their mom got them into expensive cheer leader camps and such so they no longer associated with my middle class neighborhood but found a spot in upper class. She bought them expensive clothes and the cleaners truck pulled up to their house twice a week for their dry cleaning. $$$$

 

[LearnedCoward]

1) Don't believe the "High School will be the best Years of your Life!" people

Who the crap are these people? High school wasn't even the best of my teen years, let alone my entire life!

Everything gets better after high school. Even if it gets temporarily worse at times, it is way better long-term to be an adult than to be in high school.

2) You will likely be a nervous wreck

Yes. I was, and not even for situational reasons. I was nervous because that was my temperament, and it just kinda settled in like that.

3) You will lose and make friends along the way.

True. Not just for high school, but for all stages in life. In high school, and even college, and even beyond that, most of your friendships will be proximity friendships. Meaning, you will be friends with each other because you're in the same place at the same time, and you enjoy each other's company, but it goes no deeper than that. If you make deep, long-lasting friendships in high school, that's really great for you, and you should cherish those friendships. But, if you don't, realize that it's not expected that you do.

5) Try to keep your things in your locker organized;

Ahaha I've struggled so much with that. Horrible memories.

6) If you're taking Gym (aka P.E, Physical Education) (which is practically mandatory ), keep Deodorant, and possibly a small bottle of Shampoo and bar of soap (I highly recommend Tea Tree Oil Soap, as it will help with B.O. immensely) along with a quick change of clothes on hand if your Gym Change Rooms have Showers.

As a horribly uncoordinated kid, I hated gym, and yes, it was mandatory for all four years. I was fortunate enough to opt for swimming and golf for at least some of that, where I wasn't great but I could at least hold my own. All other forms of physical activity were totally disastrous for me.

But yes, personal hygiene. Make sure you shower regularly, shave (whatever you have to shave) regularly, use deodorant, dress properly and in clothes that fit, etc. A lot to remember, but make sure you take care of your hygiene every day.

- If you're into something, whether academic or otherwise, stay into it. There is a good chance that someone, somewhere along the line, will give you a hard time of it.

I don't give a rip about anyone from my high school, and they don't give a rip about me either. When did this start, you might ask? Pretty much the moment I graduated. So, don't bend over backwards caring about the opinions of people you will only know for a few short years of your long long life.

- Don't expect a great deal of understanding from anyone. This is as true of teachers and administrators as it is of the students. You already seem to have a measure of self-awareness. Develop that and get to know yourself even better.

Yep. Teachers and administrators are paid very little, treated with no respect, and they're all out of fs to give, as they say. Don't expect them to make any special effort to understand you just because, especially if they're some admin who doesn't know you from Adam. If it's your favorite teacher, then maybe they will try to understand you, but even favorites let us down sometimes.

- If you are the type who would like to have friends, (not implying that you don't already have them) then try to have them based on interests or shared sympathies and not an abstract concept of a social ladder.

Shared sympathies, definitely. Interests are certainly a good place to start. Social ladder, no way.

Things may have changed a lot since I was in school, but I don't think street fighting is her biggest concern here.

Perhaps I'm more out of touch than I realize though.

I know, right? I come from a working class background, and I never had to deal with any of this stuff to this extent. Y'all make it sound like you're from the ghetto.

People picking fights with me was a problem earlier on, but this tapered off significantly as I got older... and larger. I was always one of the smallest kids in my class, but when I graduated high school at 16 I was 6'2" and still growing fast. Maybe that had something to do with people not trying to fight me as much. Or maybe it had to do with me not letting myself get rattled by a few rowdy a-holes. When they saw they couldn't provoke me no matter how hard they tried, I guess they stopped trying.

Maybe it had something to do with the other students becoming more mature, but I'm not holding out any hope for that

Everyone's high school experience varies, depending on how "high up" the social ladder they are and such. My personal experience wasn't horrible, it was just OK. I guess I am lucky because some folks on here had traumatic expeirences in high school, with bullying and such. I only had one real friend, and he wasn't in all of my classes so I was pretty much alone. A few people did chat me up sometimes, but they weren't friends, just acquaintances. Other than that, I was mostly invisible, but that didn't really bug me because I wasn't thinking about the social part.

I had been bullied, a lot, and not only in physical ways. I was pretty unpopular as well. But overall, it wasn't that bad, because the bullies had no power over me, and because I'm not exactly a social butterfly to begin with.

High school was better than being at home for me. I was hardly a social butterfly, but took more beatings and more severe beatings at home than at school. Less mental abuse at school too. It wasn't all great, but you may find that school isn't the worst part of your life, keep an open mind and try to make the best of it.

I'm the same way.

There's an old joke that goes like this:
>I went on Facebook to see how my high school bully was doing. He's still married to my mom.

Except for many of us, it's not a joke.

[sigh]

In order to navigate the dating world as a 50 year-old male I'm obliged to try to make sense of women with years and years of experience in this field. Unfortunately they've used this experience to become ever more subtle with their non-verbal communication and hints. It's very difficult, but when I see teenagers who like each other interacting their signals are so very obvious to me now - of course they weren't when I was a teenager. I'm not trying to say that socializing will be easy in high school, but it's never going to get any easier without practice, and the signals you need to use for navigation won't get any more obvious than they are now.

I have this problem relating to social etiquette. So many questions. What am I supposed to bring to a party? If I'm having friends over, what should I do to prepare and make them feel comfortable? What about if people randomly stop over? So many different questions with different answers, and debatable answers depending on whom you ask, and they all revolve around:
1. What is acceptable?
2. What is expected?
3. Who does what, when?
And it all has to be seamless, or else you look like the biggest jerk in the world

 

[KJeezy0127]

I had an average time in high school.
The Good
I was a great student in the classroom
I made friends that I still talk too today
I was pretty easygoing and got along with most people

The Bad
I was the bully target a lot
Some black girls bullied me in high school
I almost got into a fight with a big black guy

 

[Adora]

Hated every minute of high school,I was severely bullied and during that time I didn’t know I was on the spectrum,I left high school halfway through year 8 at age 13 and unfortunately it’s also one of the main factors why I ended up developing Complex PTSD and to this day I still get emotional flashbacks or nightmares about school.

 

[pamelaperejil]

I try not to think about high school.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Secondary school had it's good and bad times for me. School works a bit different here in the United Kingdom, we have Primary and the Secondary School, it's only a two tiered system.

I don't subscribe to the idea of school being the best years of your life. That usually comes from the people who weren't bullied during it. I was on the receiving end of it a fair bit but there were others who had it worse than me.

I think it would have been so much harder for me if I didn't learn to reflect other's behaviour back at them. If someone was "mature" and frankly, sort of stuck up then I'd just act like that when I was around them and soon enough I found them to be friends. It took me a few years into school to learn this but I found that if something might not be appropriate to say to your peers, just don't say it. Bad moments last a lot long in people's minds that the good things. Being the quiet one is better than being the "loser".

Do I wish I could do my first few years all over again? Academically, yes. Only if I'd know what the outcome of my behaviour would be like and if there was appropriate intervention for me from adults. Socially? No. I got what I needed from school, I only wish those who were my friends tried to say in contact with me afterwards but that is life, and friends and acquaintances do tend to drift apart soon after when we all geographically live apart.

 

[felines are superior]

I hated school, elementary, junior high, and high school. Boring, too many people around, noise in recess. Whoever said it's the best years of your life meant that it's nice to be young, full of energy. Didn't mean that school is the best part of your life. It's a common misunderstanding.

 

[Mary Terry]

Hi, Horsegirl. I'm NT and and have some autistic relatives. I also tutor young autistic adults who weren't able to graduate from high school and are trying to obtain their GEDs so I spend a lot of time with 18-25 year old ASD students who are motivated to work hard on their studies and want the pride that comes with a diploma.

School really has only one purpose, and that is education. In the long run, nothing much else about high school will matter in your life so stay focused on your studies and don't sweat the little stuff. You're there to educationally prepare yourself for the rest of your life.

Be reassured that high school is rough for everyone, NTs, too, because it's a difficult phase of growing up and maturing physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. I was afraid of each transition from middle school to high school and from each grade level to the next level, but I survived it. You will, too. I have some bad memories and good ones, too, and I moved on with life after high school. (Then went through the same fears and insecurities about going to college and grad school.)

I've found an ironic thing about high school social climbing and popularity contests and bullies. When you get older, like me, and go back to a high school reunion or encounter people you knew in high school, you'll often find that most of the cheerleaders, athletic jocks and "popular" kids seem to have bottomed out in high school. They seem to have never grown beyond it, and it constitutes the greatest achievement of their lives. Meanwhile, the studious, weird, socially awkward, introverted kids have gone on to live fulfilling, successful, interesting lives with interesting jobs. Those are the people I gravitate to now instead of the former cheerleader/beauty queen/captain of the football team type of people whom I naively "admired" in high school. So, the students who are "different" can have the last laugh in the long run.

Hope this helps calm your fears and makes sense to you!

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I started Karate aged 14, but I was taught NEVER to use it on anybody, not even on bullies unless in self defence and even then only as a VERY last resort.

I was taught the same at Tae Kwon Do, which is why I said martial arts would help improve her confidence, not help her beat the s**t out of bullies.

 

[owlet]

I had a fairly bad time during secondary school (I'm from the UK so it's very likely different). Mostly, I was bullied for being very tall and quiet, some teachers were awful, there was always a lot of shouting in the classroom (teachers and students), there were too many people and so on. On the other hand, the work was usually pretty okay and I made two friends, one of whom I'm still friends with years later, so it was very difficult but also had good points. Try not to predict how your experience will go though - it's different for everyone.

Also

About Temple Grandin's thinking like animals theory... @Horsegirl perhaps you could make this into a new thread? It's a very interesting topic.
I think that we sense like animals rather than think like them, because animals don't think. Thinking is a human thing.

like @MrSpock said, humans are animals. People tend to forget that.

 

[Progster]

I had a fairly bad time during secondary school (I'm from the UK so it's very likely different). Mostly, I was bullied for being very tall and quiet, some teachers were awful, there was always a lot of shouting in the classroom (teachers and students), there were too many people and so on. On the other hand, the work was usually pretty okay and I made two friends, one of whom I'm still friends with years later, so it was very difficult but also had good points. Try not to predict how your experience will go though - it's different for everyone.

Also

like @MrSpock said, humans are animals. People tend to forget that.

Yes, they are a distinct species.

 

[owlet]

Yes, they are a distinct species.

I'm not sure what you're getting at. That only humans as a species are capable of thought?

 

[Progster]

I'm not sure what you're getting at. That only humans as a species are capable of thought?

No, I'm saying that animals think, just not in the same way as we do, because they 'think' in senses and pictures, rather than words. Some use body language and sound to communicate, but they aren't capable of such complex thinking as we are. Humans have an extremely well-developed brain, animals don't, but their other senses are generally superior to ours.

 

[tree]

@Progster "animals think...."

Crows and chimps for instance.

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/new-research-looks-into-crow-brains-intelligence/
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/04/130403141442.htm

Tool use by animals:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tool_use_by_animals

 

[Pinecones]

If I could do it over I'd drop out, or opt for correspondence or homeschooling. The administration hated me and constantly punished me for being "odd". They even FORCED me to take a 0 grade (literally 0%) in a class I had 110% in, because I wasn't socializing as much as they thought I should be. I'm not kidding. Wrecked my GPA. Had a couple teacher who hated me and one of my college AP courses she intentionally cut every grade I got in half; so all of my 100% papers (because I was a good student) I got 50% on automatically and the administration refused to do anything about it. She did it to "teach me a lesson" about how "college works".

I'm happy I didn't go to college either. There's so much more to do in life than waste it chasing a career, paying bills, and building your castle in the sand.

Highschool was awful, it was stupid- a cess pit of DRAMA that included all the teachers and staff- and I learned nothing from the curriculum itself. I learned about people, about dishonesty, about how to do the bare minimum, about how to scrape by, about how to cope, about how to make excuses. I learned a lot about my anger. I learned how to swear. I learned about hard drugs and sex (luckily I wasn't part of the scene though). Kids were buying pot from teachers, showing up drunk, dealing coke and shooting up on heroin. And this was a white middle-class public school. I developed OCD and an acute germophobia from cramped public conditions. By senior year I was having breakdowns and panic attacks during classes; the administration thought I was on drugs and had the SRO following me everywhere I went.

That last day was like being let out of prison. I left pre-maturely; the SRO said I had to come to the end-of-year assembly, I said NO from across the parking lot, got in my car and drove off a FREE PERSON. I left no one behind. I made 1 friend, another Aspie, and everything else was irrelevant.

About 2 years later I tried to get in contact with a few teachers I thought liked me, whom I really appreciated. Turns out none of them were even remotely interested in me or how I was doing or what I was up to. That hurt a little bit. It was 4 years of suffering and waste.