What age did you guys realise how important socialising and social skills were?

[Zain]

What age did you guys realise how important socialising and social skills were? I think I did around year 5/6 when my desire to be social was compelling me to interact with others. So, I started feeling deeply lonely as I had no person around me to connect with. Not at home or at school. And it's like I suddenly realised that I wasn't alone in the world and that there were people around me, if that makes sense. To this day, I still do not know how to really compute this, how to feel about it. I am as confused now as I was back then on this fact. I can form statements from it from observation and learning but I do not know how to act off of them. I can certainly say that I instinctively feel an urge to act nice, kind and pleasant and that this is right. Besides from that, nothing else. I feel like a child still mentally regarding this.

As a result, my attempts to socialise were cringy, unsatisfying and fruitless. I never met my goal until I came across the concept of suicide later on in year 11. From year 11-13, I promised myself I'd commit suicide at the age of 18. In that period, I had no care of how people saw me or how I treated others as I would not deal with the consequences anyway, so I managed to gain a 'friend group'. I was never truly satisfied with them. I only desired fun in my final years so we what we had was shallow. From what I said, you can probably see that this was partly my fault as I cemented myself as the easy-going, fun friend, which is too weak of a foundation for stronger friendships that would satisfy our nature, or soul or whatever. I've still not found a way to act as uncaring as I did then without thinking of suicide. It's bizarre - the more I take life seriously, the more I fail at endeavours of friendship and learning.
Interestingly, my grades were really good during this period, eventually plummeting as I started taking life seriously, thinking I had a future. But many other things occurred at the same time in year 13, and I could not deal with the stress and lacked guidance.

I don't really know how to conclude. Lol.

 

[Vesta]

It’s hard to say, but I suppose that a lack of well-developed social skills can pose a serious threat, regardless of your peacefulness, kindness, or other positive qualities. When I said that people disliked me for no reason, it wasn’t taken seriously, as if it were impossible to feel animosity toward someone just like that.

 

[Judge]

Not sure...let me get back to you on that one. Hopefully before I expire.

However in my case such a question would have been quite relevant along with discovering my autism, which didn't happen until around the age of 55. Up to then, frankly I don't recall contemplating the importance of such things. And at that point in life I withdrew from society to a point where I honestly did not have to broach such a consideration. Especially with being self-employed and not having to answer to anyone in particular.

So my initial response may not be as cute as it seems. Let's just say in my case, "I just winged it".

 

[Shamar]

What age did you guys realise how important socialising and social skills were? I think I did around year 5/6 when my desire to be social was compelling me to interact with others. So, I started feeling deeply lonely as I had no person around me to connect with. Not at home or at school. And it's like I suddenly realised that I wasn't alone in the world and that there were people around me, if that makes sense. To this day, I still do not know how to really compute this, how to feel about it. I am as confused now as I was back then on this fact. I can form statements from it from observation and learning but I do not know how to act off of them. I can certainly say that I instinctively feel an urge to act nice, kind and pleasant and that this is right. Besides from that, nothing else. I feel like a child still mentally regarding this.

As a result, my attempts to socialise were cringy, unsatisfying and fruitless. I never met my goal until I came across the concept of suicide later on in year 11. From year 11-13, I promised myself I'd commit suicide at the age of 18. In that period, I had no care of how people saw me or how I treated others as I would not deal with the consequences anyway, so I managed to gain a 'friend group'. I was never truly satisfied with them. I only desired fun in my final years so we what we had was shallow. From what I said, you can probably see that this was partly my fault as I cemented myself as the easy-going, fun friend, which is too weak of a foundation for stronger friendships that would satisfy our nature, or soul or whatever. I've still not found a way to act as uncaring as I did then without thinking of suicide. It's bizarre - the more I take life seriously, the more I fail at endeavours of friendship and learning.
Interestingly, my grades were really good during this period, eventually plummeting as I started taking life seriously, thinking I had a future. But many other things occurred at the same time in year 13, and I could not deal with the stress and lacked guidance.

I don't really know how to conclude. Lol.

Similar. I was 5-6 when I realized other kids had friends and were NOT lonely. However, I think I beat you. I started thinking about suicide by age 9. Not to punish my parents or anyone, or because of depression (although it was obviously also there), but simply to end the pain of loneliness. I didn't really get out of it until I was 30. I finally gave up on trying to socialize (or learn to socialize) when I was in college.

 

[cooljethro]

I think I realized there was something wrong with me socially when I was about 16. Before then I considered myself odd, but not socially disabled. But at 16, I was, by circumstances of life, placed in more adult situations and I couldn't cope whatsoever in a social sense.

 

[Captain Caveman]

It puzzled me what it meant. I was asked on a few occasions (Usually by women) where I socialize. So I asked someone what it meant and I was told where people go drinking. I don't drink so I don't socialize I guess?

The thing is, I can chat ok on a one to one, but I tend to be left out when there is a group, as if I make the effort, the effort is kind of rejected as if I am a nucence and I get bypassed, but if I don't make the effort I am ignored and pushed out anyway...
I get asked if I am a good team player. My version of being a team player is being separate but doing something different that the group needs, and bringing the different thing to the benefit of the group. I tend to do best by doing this if that makes sense? Is not that I am not appreciated. Is more that I learned to be separate to avoid being rejected.

Uhmm. If I found a friend I was scared incase they would reject me if I visited them too much so I would limit my visits to once a year to keep them as friends. Problem is I did this to a couple because I loved them as friends, and then covid hit, and they both died.

 

[Masked Man]

I think I learned this around early high school. I'm not great at it but I am getting better over all. I actually went to therapy for a bit and I do think that helped a lot because it helped me to resolve some anger issues I was having. So I think things are better for me these days.