Valentine Day plans?

[Luca]

I got spoiled today
The cake is so cute…

 

[honeytoast]

Just got home to make dinner, then plan to go out for a nice walk and a drink.

Simple.

 

[Aspychata]

Luca, that's soooo nice. l cooked lobster, baked loaded potato, sweet rolls, fancy salad, gelato. Yesterday l made him kimchi tuna cucumber boats. (he loves anything kimchi) Gave him giant heart pillow, bag of cookies,and a card.

 

[mw2530]

I spent some time with a friend I hadn't seen in awhile earlier in the day and then meeting up with another friend tonight. I have never been in a relationship so I don't really think about Valentine's Day very much. I used to think about it more, but that just caused emotional pain. However, I understand how it can be meaningful for those in a relationship.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Went out for lunch with wife and two sisters of her buddy who passed away last week. Keep going out for lunch with multiple women, Two more lunches next week.

 

[Luca]

We had a nice dinner at the local diner we're regulars at, and then went to some shops, and it was amusing to see that most of the couples were all dressed up- while I was wearing my hockey jersey and leggings, and he was wearing a hoodie.
You don't need to get all dressed to the nines to show that you love someone. If they're truly your special person, they'll love you all the same even in a bathrobe and sweatpants And they'll even find it cute.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Honestly, I have never been in a relationship during valentines, and never wanted to do a 1st date on the day so I have never actually done anything for Valentines day. Other than perhaps spoil the fun reminding people of the bloody death of St. Valentine. I have a warped sense of humor.

I know growing up I hated the day in school as it was always a reminder that I was different as I always was among the folks getting the fewest valentines from classmates. And those typically were from kids of parents who made them do one for each of their classmates. Honestly I think that practice in schools at least should be banned.

are you saying you only had a short-term relationship that occured after and before valentines?

 

[JayLapointe]

are you saying you only had a short-term relationship that occured after and before valentines?

Short answer : I guess yes you could put it like that.

Long Answer:
I've had a handful of relationships in my life and none were more than 5-6 months. Usually closer to the 1-2 month mark. It is difficult to explain but I have never been good with the other persons emotional needs. I don't lack empathy at all, but I don't seem to pick up on a lot of nuance and don't always read the situation correctly. It may sound bad but it always felt like NT's always expect more than I had to give, and I'd always be there feeling irritated because they couldn't be more direct on that front. Like "Just tell me what you want so I can do it and get back to my own thing". I'm also slightly touch averse which doesn't help.

Now full disclosure I have never dated knowing that I am autistic. It's only been a couple years that I have known and in that time I have been more focused on the personal journey and haven't even had a date or been looking. In tandem with that I've also been working on dealing with getting sober, 27 months without a drink.

I also believe that my longest relationship was likely with someone that was also undiagnosed. I don't believe she was Autistic but certainly ADHD with a side of serious mental trauma. We self destructed more because we were too alike. IE undiagnosed and coping in all the wrong ways with sex drugs and and alcohol and essentially being each others enabler. It was when she started outpacing me that I got out. And even then it wasn't a quick clean break.

These days in my early 40's I'm not actively seeking a relationship. I have learned to be comfortable in who I am by myself. Now while I'm not seeking one, I'm not opposed to them and if the right person does come along and things click that would be a very lovely thing. But I certainly won't sit and mourn the lack of a partner in my life. I like who I am and I am grateful for how my life has turned out. It is not a typical life but it is mine.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I just bought myself some grocery store sushi after work and watched YouTube. That was my Valentine’s Day evening.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I just bought myself some grocery store sushi after work and watched YouTube.

Much wiser than gas station sushi.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Much wiser than gas station sushi.

Yeah. It’s fresh and made in store. The fish is also the correct color and never smells off.

 

[Jonn]

We had a nice dinner at the local diner we're regulars at, and then went to some shops, and it was amusing to see that most of the couples were all dressed up- while I was wearing my hockey jersey and leggings, and he was wearing a hoodie.
You don't need to get all dressed to the nines to show that you love someone. If they're truly your special person, they'll love you all the same even in a bathrobe and sweatpants And they'll even find it cute.

Context:
You have known each other for an extended period, and you are getting married.

The beginning of relationships generally needs more effort.
I am still working my butt off.

 

[Jonn]

Long Answer:
I've had a handful of relationships in my life and none were more than 5-6 months. Usually closer to the 1-2 month mark. It is difficult to explain but I have never been good with the other persons emotional needs. I don't lack empathy at all, but I don't seem to pick up on a lot of nuance and don't always read the situation correctly. It may sound bad but it always felt like NT's always expect more than I had to give, and I'd always be there feeling irritated because they couldn't be more direct on that front. Like "Just tell me what you want so I can do it and get back to my own thing". I'm also slightly touch averse which doesn't help.

I don't have a lot of experience when it comes to relationships, but each time I do improve.

The SO relationship I am in ATM will be my last, so I am pulling out all stops.
Hurt feelings through misunderstandings are not on the agenda for me.
I am keeping my eye on the prize.
I wasn't expecting this one, btw.

Now full disclosure I have never dated knowing that I am autistic. It's only been a couple years that I have known and in that time I have been more focused on the personal journey and haven't even had a date or been looking. In tandem with that I've also been working on dealing with getting sober, 27 months without a drink.

After my first breakup, it took me until I was 40 before I dipped my toe in the water again.
Simply surviving took priority before that.

I also believe that my longest relationship was likely with someone that was also undiagnosed. I don't believe she was Autistic but certainly ADHD with a side of serious mental trauma. We self destructed more because we were too alike. IE undiagnosed and coping in all the wrong ways with sex drugs and and alcohol and essentially being each others enabler. It was when she started outpacing me that I got out. And even then it wasn't a quick clean break.

My partner is ND, and there are many misunderstandings due to that and my autism, but I am not a spring chicken/rooster and have a lot of insight now.
This and emotional stability help enormously, but it isn't easy going.
She is worth it.

These days in my early 40's I'm not actively seeking a relationship. I have learned to be comfortable in who I am by myself.

I am the same.
If this relationship goes bust, I will probably call it quits and simply focus on friendships.

Now while I'm not seeking one, I'm not opposed to them and if the right person does come along and things click that would be a very lovely thing. But I certainly won't sit and mourn the lack of a partner in my life. I like who I am and I am grateful for how my life has turned out. It is not a typical life but it is mine.

I am a lot older than you, so my options are more limited.

I am the same in that I like who I am.
Integrity/self-esteem is critical and makes any transition away from a couple relationship much easier.
Whatever happens, I will always treat an ex-partner with respect, as has been in evidence.
Emotional stability/maturity is the key.

 

[Shamar]

Short answer : I guess yes you could put it like that.

Long Answer:
I've had a handful of relationships in my life and none were more than 5-6 months. Usually closer to the 1-2 month mark. It is difficult to explain but I have never been good with the other persons emotional needs. I don't lack empathy at all, but I don't seem to pick up on a lot of nuance and don't always read the situation correctly. It may sound bad but it always felt like NT's always expect more than I had to give, and I'd always be there feeling irritated because they couldn't be more direct on that front. Like "Just tell me what you want so I can do it and get back to my own thing". I'm also slightly touch averse which doesn't help.

Now full disclosure I have never dated knowing that I am autistic. It's only been a couple years that I have known and in that time I have been more focused on the personal journey and haven't even had a date or been looking. In tandem with that I've also been working on dealing with getting sober, 27 months without a drink.

I also believe that my longest relationship was likely with someone that was also undiagnosed. I don't believe she was Autistic but certainly ADHD with a side of serious mental trauma. We self destructed more because we were too alike. IE undiagnosed and coping in all the wrong ways with sex drugs and and alcohol and essentially being each others enabler. It was when she started outpacing me that I got out. And even then it wasn't a quick clean break.

These days in my early 40's I'm not actively seeking a relationship. I have learned to be comfortable in who I am by myself. Now while I'm not seeking one, I'm not opposed to them and if the right person does come along and things click that would be a very lovely thing. But I certainly won't sit and mourn the lack of a partner in my life. I like who I am and I am grateful for how my life has turned out. It is not a typical life but it is mine.

Sounds agonizingly familiar. Emphasis on agonizingly.