Update

[Robby]

Posting an update since it's been awhile since I posted. Life has gotten a lot better for me in many many ways, been working part time in an office and am pretty good at my job and always doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm a pretty outgoing person usually, and my co-workers seem to like me and I am great at small talk and chatting.

Financially, I got myself a car and am trying to pay off student loan debt but it's a struggle. Had to get a money loan recently so I would have enough to live off of between checks. But I am certainly better than I was even a couple years ago. My anxiety and panic attacks are gone. I take Xanax and it helps me sleep and Trazodone every now and then if I get insomnia.

Overall life is ok still living at home because thats the only option right now and I don't mind it too much I guess. But still I feel sometimes empty inside and like nothing really matters. And I am having pretty severe mood swings that are getting worse.

I think my big problem is I just don't have a single friend or any friends at all to actually hang out with. I am "friends" with co-workers at work but thats only at work and many of them seem kind of fake anyway. I am pretty outgoing and social yet I have zero friends. I am also gay and trying to navigate the dating scene is hard everyone only seems to want sex. I am definitely not wanting a relationship right now, just a good friend or two my age to do things with.

One guy chatted me up a few weeks back on Facebook, and we texted some, he asked to have coffee, I had to cancel at one point because I got sick, but he says he still wants to. But he, like others I have chatted with, seem to chat or text me but then they just fall away and stop texting. Am I crazy, or if someone truly wants to get to know you, it won't be like pulling teeth to get them to text or call you? Or do I need to be the assertive one in reaching out? I just don't know how.

I am lonely a lot, I don't feel like anyone wants to get to know me or be friends with me. I have seemingly had a great rapport with co workers who are the only people I really interact with outside of home, but they never ask me to hang out or anything nor does anyone else. Sometimes I think I want a friend and other times not so much.

Also, I am seriously beginning to wonder if I even have autism at all but maybe something else. I have major mood swings and am having some severe emotional issues I am flying into intense rages at the drop of a hat last weekend I got so angry at something that I screamed and ranted and raved for hours. But then I seem to get tranquil again. The therapist I am seeing is a nice guy I like him, but when I see him he always seems to think things are ok because I feel embarrassed to tell him much of anything I feel self conscious about it. I know, thats stupid to not want to tell your psychiatrist something but I just feel embarrassed about talking about emotional issues because it makes me feel less than adequate in some way just can't help it.

And I will go for stretches when I do pretty well, and I am always able to get up and go to work, I am certainly not depressed. He is treating me for anxiety and my anxiety is pretty much all gone but I am having some serious issues right now my brain races and I am having severe problems controlling my mood I go from one strong emotion to the next at the drop of a hat and I get really angry a lot and also sad. I feel unstable. I'm not depressed at all, but I always feel on edge, extra sensitive, and have a temper problem sometimes. I often go from one major emotion to another in the span of seconds.

The xanax helps my anxiety which has been pretty much gone for some time now, I do notice when I don't take it that I start getting my mood swings again. The mood swings scare me a bit when I am even aware of them, I can laugh and then be on the verge of tears if I hear or see something that makes me sad in the span of seconds. Or something can set me off into a rage in secs. I dont know why I decided to post that but there it is.

I feel like there is this cloud in my brain that is a block sometimes and I am fighting against it. Does that make any sense? Anyway, some things have gotten better, others not so much. Doing my best.

 

[Ambi]

I am glad you are doing better in life! Maybe the cloud in your brain is brain fog? I struggled with that a lot - I recently was diagnosed with a thyroid condition and started medicine, and it is clearing. Different things can cause it, but it's a real thing, not imagined.

 

[Robby]

Thanks..no I don't think it's brain fog. Situationally and job-wise I am doing much better, and anxiety-wise, but this is something else. I have severe mood swings throughout the day some days are better/worse than others. I have had this for years, also when I was unemployed and dealing with severe anxiety awhile back, but now that the anxiety is better, I feel the mood swings are becoming worse.

I have experienced brain fog too but that's not what I am having now. I feel very disconnected from others, always have. I can be pleasant and social and funny when needed but I have no friendships with anyone. Not sure why.

Lately my mood swings have gotten worse and my outbursts have gotten worse. I dont deal with frustration or change well at all. Last weekend I flew into a rage and raged for two days I just couldn't see straight sometimes I get so angry. Or sad, but usually it's anger is the strongest if I have a mood swing.

I'm glad I am doing better in other ways but in many others I still feel stuck in neutral and that I am not any better or maybe even worse in ways. Sometimes I think about running away or going somewhere to disappear and start over but I know I won't do that. I just feel disconnected.

 

[Streetwise]

If

Posting an update since it's been awhile since I posted. Life has gotten a lot better for me in many many ways, been working part time in an office and am pretty good at my job and always doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm a pretty outgoing person usually, and my co-workers seem to like me and I am great at small talk and chatting. Financially, I got myself a car and am trying to pay off student loan debt but it's a struggle. Had to get a money loan recently so I would have enough to live off of between checks. But I am certainly better than I was even a couple years ago. My anxiety and panic attacks are gone. I take Xanax and it helps me sleep and Trazodone every now and then if I get insomnia.
Overall life is ok still living at home because thats the only option right now and I don't mind it too much I guess. But still I feel sometimes empty inside and like nothing really matters. And I am having pretty severe mood swings that are getting worse. I think my big problem is I just don't have a single friend or any friends at all to actually hang out with. I am "friends" with co-workers at work but thats only at work and many of them seem kind of fake anyway. I am pretty outgoing and social yet I have zero friends. I am also gay and trying to navigate the dating scene is hard everyone only seems to want sex. I am definitely not wanting a relationship right now, just a good friend or two my age to do things with. One guy chatted me up a few weeks back on Facebook, and we texted some, he asked to have coffee, I had to cancel at one point because I got sick, but he says he still wants to. But he, like others I have chatted with, seem to chat or text me but then they just fall away and stop texting. Am I crazy, or if someone truly wants to get to know you, it won't be like pulling teeth to get them to text or call you? Or do I need to be the assertive one in reaching out? I just don't know how. I am lonely a lot, I don't feel like anyone wants to get to know me or be friends with me. I have seemingly had a great rapport with co workers who are the only people I really interact with outside of home, but they never ask me to hang out or anything nor does anyone else. Sometimes I think I want a friend and other times not so much. Also, I am seriously beginning to wonder if I even have autism at all but maybe something else. I have major mood swings and am having some severe emotional issues I am flying into intense rages at the drop of a hat last weekend I got so angry at something that I screamed and ranted and raved for hours. But then I seem to get tranquil again. The therapist I am seeing is a nice guy I like him, but when I see him he always seems to think things are ok because I feel embarrassed to tell him much of anything I feel self conscious about it. I know, thats stupid to not want to tell your psychiatrist something but I just feel embarrassed about talking about emotional issues because it makes me feel less than adequate in some way just can't help it.
And I will go for stretches when I do pretty well, and I am always able to get up and go to work, I am certainly not depressed. He is treating me for anxiety and my anxiety is pretty much all gone but I am having some serious issues right now my brain races and I am having severe problems controlling my mood I go from one strong emotion to the next at the drop of a hat and I get really angry a lot and also sad. I feel unstable. I'm not depressed at all, but I always feel on edge, extra sensitive, and have a temper problem sometimes. I often go from one major emotion to another in the span of seconds. The xanax helps my anxiety which has been pretty much gone for some time now, I do notice when I don't take it that I start getting my mood swings again. The mood swings scare me a bit when I am even aware of them, I can laugh and then be on the verge of tears if I hear or see something that makes me sad in the span of seconds. Or something can set me off into a rage in secs. I dont know why I decided to post that but there it is. I feel like there is this cloud in my brain that is a block sometimes and I am fighting against it. Does that make any sense? Anyway, some things have gotten better, others not so much. Doing my best.

you're over 40 internet says its probably andropause low testosterone which causes mood swings
if you're underweight that do it its stress changing your hormonal balance

 

[Kirsty]

You could have a type of borderline personality disorder.

 

[toothless]

You could have a type of borderline personality disorder.

i also thought of this as the mood changes are far to quick to be something like bipolar, however you can have autism AND a mood disorder.
just a thought but if mood swings are triggered by not having xanax,it sounds like it could also be withdrawal from the benzo,i get withdrawals when i havent had any lorazepam for a while,and im only on 1mg [x2 daily],benzos are powerful drugs,they get useless after a couple of months of regular use,my old shrink never upped mine over the years ive been on it in spite of having major panic attacks that needed more than 1mg,i can see why.

 

[Streetwise]

DONT come off it (you're experiencing withdrawal )without help- thats why i had horrendous anxiety as i stopped an ssri too quickly ,go and see your shrink tell him what really bothers you i held it in for years IVE ended up with no contact with my mothers family its hard and i have no close friends- i personally WOULDNT begin a relationship as i m frightened of the pain of childbirth and i just COULDNT cope with a baby crying- im panicking if the cats cry

Posting an update since it's been awhile since I posted. Life has gotten a lot better for me in many many ways, been working part time in an office and am pretty good at my job and always doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm a pretty outgoing person usually, and my co-workers seem to like me and I am great at small talk and chatting.

Financially, I got myself a car and am trying to pay off student loan debt but it's a struggle. Had to get a money loan recently so I would have enough to live off of between checks. But I am certainly better than I was even a couple years ago. My anxiety and panic attacks are gone. I take Xanax and it helps me sleep and Trazodone every now and then if I get insomnia.

Overall life is ok still living at home because thats the only option right now and I don't mind it too much I guess. But still I feel sometimes empty inside and like nothing really matters. And I am having pretty severe mood swings that are getting worse.

I think my big problem is I just don't have a single friend or any friends at all to actually hang out with. I am "friends" with co-workers at work but thats only at work and many of them seem kind of fake anyway. I am pretty outgoing and social yet I have zero friends. I am also gay and trying to navigate the dating scene is hard everyone only seems to want sex. I am definitely not wanting a relationship right now, just a good friend or two my age to do things with.

One guy chatted me up a few weeks back on Facebook, and we texted some, he asked to have coffee, I had to cancel at one point because I got sick, but he says he still wants to. But he, like others I have chatted with, seem to chat or text me but then they just fall away and stop texting. Am I crazy, or if someone truly wants to get to know you, it won't be like pulling teeth to get them to text or call you? Or do I need to be the assertive one in reaching out? I just don't know how.

I am lonely a lot, I don't feel like anyone wants to get to know me or be friends with me. I have seemingly had a great rapport with co workers who are the only people I really interact with outside of home, but they never ask me to hang out or anything nor does anyone else. Sometimes I think I want a friend and other times not so much.

Also, I am seriously beginning to wonder if I even have autism at all but maybe something else. I have major mood swings and am having some severe emotional issues I am flying into intense rages at the drop of a hat last weekend I got so angry at something that I screamed and ranted and raved for hours. But then I seem to get tranquil again. The therapist I am seeing is a nice guy I like him, but when I see him he always seems to think things are ok because I feel embarrassed to tell him much of anything I feel self conscious about it. I know, thats stupid to not want to tell your psychiatrist something but I just feel embarrassed about talking about emotional issues because it makes me feel less than adequate in some way just can't help it.

And I will go for stretches when I do pretty well, and I am always able to get up and go to work, I am certainly not depressed. He is treating me for anxiety and my anxiety is pretty much all gone but I am having some serious issues right now my brain races and I am having severe problems controlling my mood I go from one strong emotion to the next at the drop of a hat and I get really angry a lot and also sad. I feel unstable. I'm not depressed at all, but I always feel on edge, extra sensitive, and have a temper problem sometimes. I often go from one major emotion to another in the span of seconds.

The xanax helps my anxiety which has been pretty much gone for some time now, I do notice when I don't take it that I start getting my mood swings again. The mood swings scare me a bit when I am even aware of them, I can laugh and then be on the verge of tears if I hear or see something that makes me sad in the span of seconds. Or something can set me off into a rage in secs. I dont know why I decided to post that but there it is.

I feel like there is this cloud in my brain that is a block sometimes and I am fighting against it. Does that make any sense? Anyway, some things have gotten better, others not so much. Doing my best.

DONT Come off

 

[Robby]

I don't know what's going on with me. Things are definitely better as far as my life situation and my anxiety is pretty much totally gone. But I have severe sudden mood swings from somewhat normal to sad to angry to extremely upset in the span of minutes or seconds. The slightest thing can drastically change my mood. This has been going on for years, but I notice it more now that my anxiety and panic attacks are gone. The xanax I only take as needed, and never a full dose. One thing about me too is that I have trouble showing emotion, always have. I never cry, even if I am really sad or something I tend to just shut down. I don't laugh, (if I do it's rather forced), and I am an empathetic person but I just have trouble with emotions except for during a mood swing I can definitely get very angry and enraged. I saw a psychiatrist awhile back who I did not click with personally, and he thought it might be bipolar, but I had more tests done and they thought I might be extremely mildly autistic, but now, as of my most recent visit, my current psychiatrist does not think I am autistic after all. I haven't told him many of these other symptoms, so maybe he can help me figure out what's going on. Unfortunately at times if I am feeling unstable I tend to rely on xanax to help me feel better, which probably isn't good but it's what I have been doing.. Maybe I have a mood disorder?

 

[Streetwise]

Did your psychiatrist ever say cyclothymia it's a mild form of bipolar disorder

 

[Kirsty]

Cyclothymia moods occur every two weeks, although you can have more severe bipolar too if you don't keep up with your coping mechanisms. It's very common to have bpd as well with it.... and ASD.

Anyway, it's best to ask a professional, not us.

 

[Streetwise]

Be careful about advice you read or hear i thought i was schizophrenic as i was so desperate to get what ever it was to stop there are some more disorders
do you take vit b really i think if you're mentally ill and you're not taking it you should take it
if you have or can get your levels of magnesium and vit b checked

I don't know what's going on with me. Things are definitely better as far as my life situation and my anxiety is pretty much totally gone. But I have severe sudden mood swings from somewhat normal to sad to angry to extremely upset in the span of minutes or seconds. The slightest thing can drastically change my mood. This has been going on for years, but I notice it more now that my anxiety and panic attacks are gone. The xanax I only take as needed, and never a full dose. One thing about me too is that I have trouble showing emotion, always have. I never cry, even if I am really sad or something I tend to just shut down. I don't laugh, (if I do it's rather forced), and I am an empathetic person but I just have trouble with emotions except for during a mood swing I can definitely get very angry and enraged. I saw a psychiatrist awhile back who I did not click with personally, and he thought it might be bipolar, but I had more tests done and they thought I might be extremely mildly autistic, but now, as of my most recent visit, my current psychiatrist does not think I am autistic after all. I haven't told him many of these other symptoms, so maybe he can help me figure out what's going on. Unfortunately at times if I am feeling unstable I tend to rely on xanax to help me feel better, which probably isn't good but it's what I have been doing.. Maybe I have a mood disorder?

 

[Robby]

I take vitamin d already and have for some time because my levels were low at one time. so my doc has me on a vit d supplement so my levels should be fine. I really don't think I am bipolar because I don't have stretches of days or weeks or months when I severely depressed or severely manic. My moods tend to drastically change over the course of a day, or even minutes. I get major mood swings that can happen suddenly and change just as suddenly. I really don't know what's going on but the mood swings are getting worse. I just would like to know what'd going on that's all. I feel disconnected from everyone and in my own world most of the time. The slightest thing or comment or look can set me off or trigger a major mood swing, thats all I can describe it.

 

[Robby]

And what about the fact that nobody seems to want to be friends with me I mean people are social to me and everyone seems to like me at work but nobody ever asks me to come socialize or do anything outside of work, not even for a harmless walk in the park..nothing. I get that many have their own lives but several people I work with are my age too so I just wonder..And in the so called dating world, thats even worse, guys say they want to chat, etc, but then they become really distant like overnight and if I text them asking if theyd like to have coffee or something, they just don't seem to want to talk. Maybe people are just fickle nowadays, maybe all people want is sex..I don't know. But I am seriously lonely. I don't have a single friend.

 

[Streetwise]

What you learn is you DONT have many friends i learned about friends from films and tv it was erroneous they are not what i want even people on this site never once asked why I'd left
i personally think there are people in the world with the trouble stamp all over them if you arent the source of all happiness forget it

Posting an update since it's been awhile since I posted. Life has gotten a lot better for me in many many ways, been working part time in an office and am pretty good at my job and always doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm a pretty outgoing person usually, and my co-workers seem to like me and I am great at small talk and chatting.

Financially, I got myself a car and am trying to pay off student loan debt but it's a struggle. Had to get a money loan recently so I would have enough to live off of between checks. But I am certainly better than I was even a couple years ago. My anxiety and panic attacks are gone. I take Xanax and it helps me sleep and Trazodone every now and then if I get insomnia.

Overall life is ok still living at home because thats the only option right now and I don't mind it too much I guess. But still I feel sometimes empty inside and like nothing really matters. And I am having pretty severe mood swings that are getting worse.

I think my big problem is I just don't have a single friend or any friends at all to actually hang out with. I am "friends" with co-workers at work but thats only at work and many of them seem kind of fake anyway. I am pretty outgoing and social yet I have zero friends. I am also gay and trying to navigate the dating scene is hard everyone only seems to want sex. I am definitely not wanting a relationship right now, just a good friend or two my age to do things with.

One guy chatted me up a few weeks back on Facebook, and we texted some, he asked to have coffee, I had to cancel at one point because I got sick, but he says he still wants to. But he, like others I have chatted with, seem to chat or text me but then they just fall away and stop texting. Am I crazy, or if someone truly wants to get to know you, it won't be like pulling teeth to get them to text or call you? Or do I need to be the assertive one in reaching out? I just don't know how.

I am lonely a lot, I don't feel like anyone wants to get to know me or be friends with me. I have seemingly had a great rapport with co workers who are the only people I really interact with outside of home, but they never ask me to hang out or anything nor does anyone else. Sometimes I think I want a friend and other times not so much.

Also, I am seriously beginning to wonder if I even have autism at all but maybe something else. I have major mood swings and am having some severe emotional issues I am flying into intense rages at the drop of a hat last weekend I got so angry at something that I screamed and ranted and raved for hours. But then I seem to get tranquil again. The therapist I am seeing is a nice guy I like him, but when I see him he always seems to think things are ok because I feel embarrassed to tell him much of anything I feel self conscious about it. I know, thats stupid to not want to tell your psychiatrist something but I just feel embarrassed about talking about emotional issues because it makes me feel less than adequate in some way just can't help it.

And I will go for stretches when I do pretty well, and I am always able to get up and go to work, I am certainly not depressed. He is treating me for anxiety and my anxiety is pretty much all gone but I am having some serious issues right now my brain races and I am having severe problems controlling my mood I go from one strong emotion to the next at the drop of a hat and I get really angry a lot and also sad. I feel unstable. I'm not depressed at all, but I always feel on edge, extra sensitive, and have a temper problem sometimes. I often go from one major emotion to another in the span of seconds.

The xanax helps my anxiety which has been pretty much gone for some time now, I do notice when I don't take it that I start getting my mood swings again. The mood swings scare me a bit when I am even aware of them, I can laugh and then be on the verge of tears if I hear or see something that makes me sad in the span of seconds. Or something can set me off into a rage in secs. I dont know why I decided to post that but there it is.

I feel like there is this cloud in my brain that is a block sometimes and I am fighting against it. Does that make any sense? Anyway, some things have gotten better, others not so much. Doing my best.

 

[Robby]

Yea what I'm learning is that most people are selfish and don't give a **** about you. A real friend is there no matter what and someone who cares about you will text you on their own, not require you to send constant teeth-pulling texts to them to even have a conversation. Real talk.