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Two boys, one with ASD and one without.

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eep2378

Active Member
Hello, I found this forum after searching around a bit. I'm looking for some advice/thoughts regarding my situation. I have a 9 yr old son who is ASD and a 4 yr old boy who is normally developing. My nine year old is from a previous relationship and I have him at my house mostly 1-2 days a week. When they are together its difficult as my older boy has a lot of sensory issues and repetitive behaviors. Like a lot of ASD kids he has trouble expressing himself appropriately and doesn't reciprocate with me, our 4 year old and my wife.
My younger son looks up to him and loves him so much and is now beginning to act like his older brother when he's not around. Talking back to us, calling us names(bossy, etc like my ASD son does). Also using many of the negative reactions and emotions toward us. My wife and I are not sure how to make this situation better. Thoughts? If you guys need any other information I'd be glad to offer. Thanks
 
The only thing I can think of right off hand is to tell the nine-year-old that if he feels a need to say such things, he needs to do it in a private conversation with the parent he's having trouble with and not in the younger one's ear shot. And maybe with any luck, work out whatever it is he's having trouble with. Kids will be kids though, some things you don't understand until you're grown. Maybe he needs explanations to cope or maybe he needs a firmer or softer hand? If he must blow off steam, put it into a physical outlet like playing in the yard, building, or even go to his room and say what he wants into his pillow. And basically, "if you can't say something nice, don't see something at all".
 
AsheSkyler said:
The only thing I can think of right off hand is to tell the nine-year-old that if he feels a need to say such things, he needs to do it in a private conversation with the parent he's having trouble with and not in the younger one's ear shot. And maybe with any luck, work out whatever it is he's having trouble with. Kids will be kids though, some things you don't understand until you're grown. Maybe he needs explanations to cope or maybe he needs a firmer or softer hand? If he must blow off steam, put it into a physical outlet like playing in the yard, building, or even go to his room and say what he wants into his pillow. And basically, "if you can't say something nice, don't see something at all".
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I appreciate your input. I have tried explaining things to him continually. Maybe I'll try to separate the two of them if he feels he needs to vent or speaks inappropriately. Another obstacle, is the activities they both enjoy are different. My younger son wants to be outside and play but my ASD child rather be inside, alone. Its hard to get him to enjoy outdoor activities.
 
eep2378 said:
I appreciate your input. I have tried explaining things to him continually. Maybe I'll try to separate the two of them if he feels he needs to vent or speaks inappropriately. Another obstacle, is the activities they both enjoy are different. My younger son wants to be outside and play but my ASD child rather be inside, alone. Its hard to get him to enjoy outdoor activities.
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No prob. Mine's only two years old and a single child, so I mostly draw on what other parents have told me.

9 is kinda young to start turning in to the basement troll. (Speaking as the monster in the basement for many years! Ask not what goes bump in the night. ;)) Is your autistic one very sensitive to sunlight? I used to LOVE the outdoors, but now I'm a bit leery because half the time I'm staggering around blind if I don't have big sunglasses on. Or it could be any number of sensory issues depending on where you live. My parents' home in the country gets really loud from cicadas, and I didn't do well in the city because of the incessant traffic. Smells could come into play for that matter, if he has a sensitive nose there may be all sorts of weird stuff he's trying to process. And of course touch, grass seed allergies aren't too rare, grass tends to be itchy even for those without allergies, some can't stand the graininess of dirt or sloppiness of mud, and all sorts of other stuff. If you have really close neighbors or go to the park and he has anxiety issues, those issues may make him too uneasy to leave the house where he's hidden from view. I hope for his sake he's just simply a homebody. Although he does need exercise... Hrm.
 
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