1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Trying to talk to co-worker crush on the spectrum.

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Neon Night-Rider, Apr 11, 2021.

  1. Neon Night-Rider

    Neon Night-Rider New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2020
    Karma:
    +9
    I (who is currently questioning if he's neurodivergent) have an autistic co-worker that I've developed intense feelings for. Although she's worked here for at least a couple of years now, we never talk to each other, even though I know we have a lot of common interests. Because of my social anxiety, I've only mustered up the courage to greet her a few times. Sometimes, she greets me back and other times, she doesn't respond at all. When the latter happens, it just discourages me from talking to her. It's only after doing more research on autism yesterday that I read that autistic people will sometimes just not react to people talking to them, and it shouldn't be taken personally (I don't know if that's true, I'm just going by what I read.) The other thing is that sometimes I catch her staring at me, unless if I'm seeing things and it's just wishful thinking on my part. So I really don't know if she likes me or not.

    Tbh, since I hate small talk so much (and I'm sure she hates it too), I've even considered just skipping the small talk and just asking her out. The main reasons why I don't want to do this is firstly, I don't even know if she's single or not. I technically don't even know for a fact if she's interested in men. And besides that, I don't know if she'll react badly and report me to HR or something.

    I guess I just want advice from the perspective of those on the spectrum. Is she showing signs of interest or not? Should I just keep trying to talk to her?
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Kevin1968

    Kevin1968 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    202
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2018
    Karma:
    +497
    From what I have heard is that you can ask a co-worker out ONCE, anymore and you can easily enter the potential area of harassment. (that is just what I have heard though, actual policies may vary)

    You say you have common interests, perhaps just talk to her about those for while, maybe if you can sit with her during the coffee break (if Covid rules allow it and she doesn't mind) and talk about your common interests.

    You could then perhaps ask her out for a walk/coffee/dinner whatever you think she will be most willing.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Useful Useful x 2
  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Messages:
    5,552
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +10,606
    Just try smiling. Give it your best shot. Then try a little wave and walk away. Next time you see her, smile again, if she smiles back, then walk up and say hi. Little by little. If no smile or response, it's a deadend street.
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  4. Neon Night-Rider

    Neon Night-Rider New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2020
    Karma:
    +9
    Well, I like the sound of this, though I don't know if she'll retain eye contact long enough to see the smile.
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  5. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Messages:
    5,552
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +10,606
    Try a little wave up by your smile. Your hand kinda by the side of your face as you smile.
     
    • Useful Useful x 1
  6. Neon Night-Rider

    Neon Night-Rider New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2020
    Karma:
    +9
    OK, I guess I'll give it a try.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member It's My Birthday!

    Messages:
    1,130
    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2010
    Karma:
    +1,897
    uh, just leave it, find someone outside of work. You barely know her, have had little interaction but you've developed intense feelings? I got alarm bells going off. Get your CV in order and start applying for jobs elsewhere.
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2021
  8. Neon Night-Rider

    Neon Night-Rider New Member

    Messages:
    4
    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2020
    Karma:
    +9
    ...Wow, I'm dumb. I didn't even think about it until I was on my way to work today, but there's a...major flaw in the plan of trying to smile at her.:mask::mask:
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    4,169
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2017
    Karma:
    +11,213
    I guess you’ll have to draw a smile on a disposable face mask ;)
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
  10. selena

    selena Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    81
    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2018
    Karma:
    +146
    Introverts are really good at having out-of-control fantasies when they have a crush on someone they've never even talk to (I've been there).

    Don't try to read her mind. Don't skip the small talk, because that's just weird. Just ask her if she wants to go on coffee break with you. If she says yes, that only means she agrees to 10-15 minutes of learning a little bit about you, NOT to be in a committed relationship with you. She doesn't have to say yes again, and then you'll have to let it go.

    Crushes can be hard to get over when you've already reached this level of obsession. I agree with the person who said you should also start looking for another job. Most likely, this won't end well.
     
  11. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

    Messages:
    5,552
    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2019
    Karma:
    +10,606
    Pull your mask down and smile.