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Trying to talk to co-worker crush on the spectrum.

N

Neon Night-Rider

New Member
I (who is currently questioning if he's neurodivergent) have an autistic co-worker that I've developed intense feelings for. Although she's worked here for at least a couple of years now, we never talk to each other, even though I know we have a lot of common interests. Because of my social anxiety, I've only mustered up the courage to greet her a few times. Sometimes, she greets me back and other times, she doesn't respond at all. When the latter happens, it just discourages me from talking to her. It's only after doing more research on autism yesterday that I read that autistic people will sometimes just not react to people talking to them, and it shouldn't be taken personally (I don't know if that's true, I'm just going by what I read.) The other thing is that sometimes I catch her staring at me, unless if I'm seeing things and it's just wishful thinking on my part. So I really don't know if she likes me or not.

Tbh, since I hate small talk so much (and I'm sure she hates it too), I've even considered just skipping the small talk and just asking her out. The main reasons why I don't want to do this is firstly, I don't even know if she's single or not. I technically don't even know for a fact if she's interested in men. And besides that, I don't know if she'll react badly and report me to HR or something.

I guess I just want advice from the perspective of those on the spectrum. Is she showing signs of interest or not? Should I just keep trying to talk to her?
 
From what I have heard is that you can ask a co-worker out ONCE, anymore and you can easily enter the potential area of harassment. (that is just what I have heard though, actual policies may vary)

You say you have common interests, perhaps just talk to her about those for while, maybe if you can sit with her during the coffee break (if Covid rules allow it and she doesn't mind) and talk about your common interests.

You could then perhaps ask her out for a walk/coffee/dinner whatever you think she will be most willing.
 
Just try smiling. Give it your best shot. Then try a little wave and walk away. Next time you see her, smile again, if she smiles back, then walk up and say hi. Little by little. If no smile or response, it's a deadend street.
 
Aspychata said:
Just try smiling. Give it your best shot. Then try a little wave and walk away. Next time you see her, smile again, if she smiles back, then walk up and say hi. Little by little. If no smile or response, it's a deadend street.
Click to expand...

Well, I like the sound of this, though I don't know if she'll retain eye contact long enough to see the smile.
 
Try a little wave up by your smile. Your hand kinda by the side of your face as you smile.
 
uh, just leave it, find someone outside of work. You barely know her, have had little interaction but you've developed intense feelings? I got alarm bells going off. Get your CV in order and start applying for jobs elsewhere.
 
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Introverts are really good at having out-of-control fantasies when they have a crush on someone they've never even talk to (I've been there).

Don't try to read her mind. Don't skip the small talk, because that's just weird. Just ask her if she wants to go on coffee break with you. If she says yes, that only means she agrees to 10-15 minutes of learning a little bit about you, NOT to be in a committed relationship with you. She doesn't have to say yes again, and then you'll have to let it go.

Crushes can be hard to get over when you've already reached this level of obsession. I agree with the person who said you should also start looking for another job. Most likely, this won't end well.
 
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