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Trying to find potential dates on dating apps and the internet only.

B

BrianWV39

Active Member
Hello, my name is Brian, I am 39 from the state of West Virginia. The primary reason I use social media is to help assist me in my quest for a romantic relationship. I used to be more social when I was younger. But now I do not really meet people socially or out in public. When I am out and about it is usually just for shopping or purely utilitarian reason. My joy and satisfaction in life comes from being at home and relaxing.

I often read online looking for advice and ideas of how to get a girlfriend. Perhaps the most frequent advice is to go join group events and meet people in person. This may be great advice for lots of people, but it is not great practical advice for me. For starters I do not enjoy any group or social activities like that. Second even if I met someone out in public like that the problem is I am a rather unique person. Obviously, I am autistic and I live a bit of an alternative lifestyle.

I know I am a little less social than most people. So I worry by going out in public I am only going to meet people I disappoint with my lifestyle. I much rather meet someone online and be able to explain myself right away. For example I love relaxing and taking it easy at home. I love music, I love reading, I love weed, I love writing, and I love sex. I am looking for someone who is interested doing these things with me.

I really hope to find the right person for me. That is my biggest goal in life. I am obviously very happy to chat on here or anywhere else. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read this and I hope you have a lovely day.
 
I don't value money or a career as much as most people. I live more of a hippie lifestyle. I realize most people are not like me so I worry just asking out random women would not do me much good. I am more of an acquired taste. At least I hope I am acquired ;) that part is still just a theory.
 
BrianWV39 said:
Hello, my name is Brian, I am 39 from the state of West Virginia. The primary reason I use social media is to help assist me in my quest for a romantic relationship. I used to be more social when I was younger. But now I do not really meet people socially or out in public. When I am out and about it is usually just for shopping or purely utilitarian reason. My joy and satisfaction in life comes from being at home and relaxing.

I often read online looking for advice and ideas of how to get a girlfriend. Perhaps the most frequent advice is to go join group events and meet people in person. This may be great advice for lots of people, but it is not great practical advice for me. For starters I do not enjoy any group or social activities like that. Second even if I met someone out in public like that the problem is I am a rather unique person. Obviously, I am autistic and I live a bit of an alternative lifestyle.

I know I am a little less social than most people. So I worry by going out in public I am only going to meet people I disappoint with my lifestyle. I much rather meet someone online and be able to explain myself right away. For example I love relaxing and taking it easy at home. I love music, I love reading, I love weed, I love writing, and I love sex. I am looking for someone who is interested doing these things with me.

I really hope to find the right person for me. That is my biggest goal in life. I am obviously very happy to chat on here or anywhere else. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read this and I hope you have a lovely day.
Click to expand...
You really do meet people randomly and from anywhere. I met one of my ex gf's on a videogame, I met the other one on TikTok, and the most recent one I met through a forum.
Though, 'ex' is the key word here. Meeting people online is a little flawed. One of my ex girlfriends when we met for the first time her breath was HORRID. The other one ate very messily and the most recent one had a whole bunch of friends I wasn't into. So just really be careful when you're meeting anyone online. I'd rather just meet someone in person
 
TouhouFan28 said:
You really do meet people randomly and from anywhere. I met one of my ex gf's on a videogame, I met the other one on TikTok, and the most recent one I met through a forum.
Though, 'ex' is the key word here. Meeting people online is a little flawed. One of my ex girlfriends when we met for the first time her breath was HORRID. The other one ate very messily and the most recent one had a whole bunch of friends I wasn't into. So just really be careful when you're meeting anyone online. I'd rather just meet someone in person
Click to expand...
Thanks for sharing. Like all of us I am a very flawed person. I have my downsides and my negatives. I know that anyone I date or get into a relationship with will be flawed as well. It is just part of the human condition. I am not looking for happiness ever after. I just want someone to spend time with :)

Thanks again.
 
My interests include sex, weed edibles, and listening to music. I hope to find someone someday that enjoys doing as many of those things as possible with me :)

That would be great.
 
This one is very hard to answer. Like other people have said. Sometimes I just happens randomly. For me for example I met my wife because I did an intership at my fathers workplace. A place that was not at all meant to be an internship for the IT degree I took it for. But it was easy and somewhat of a lie. They had a ski trip that was only for people that worked there. But because my dad asked if I could join, other people also asked if they could bring their kids. One of those people already talked about their daughter when I was on a shift with them. We contacted eachother because we were the same age and both were going with them on the ski trip. We hit it of. She was the perfect fit for me. And now we have 2 kids and are happily married for 11+ years.

Totally random story. But true.

So, if you ask me. Talk to people that are about the same age as your parents. They might have children you are. Who are single. And you hit it off. Because there might be a reason for them to be single at their age. And it might just be the same reason you are.

It might be totally random advice. But I am living proof it CAN work. Any active searching has never really brought me anything. Only some random encounter. Based completely on choosing to do the wrong things has led me to a happy life.
 
kenaij said:
This one is very hard to answer. Like other people have said. Sometimes I just happens randomly. For me for example I met my wife because I did an intership at my fathers workplace. A place that was not at all meant to be an internship for the IT degree I took it for. But it was easy and somewhat of a lie. They had a ski trip that was only for people that worked there. But because my dad asked if I could join, other people also asked if they could bring their kids. One of those people already talked about their daughter when I was on a shift with them. We contacted eachother because we were the same age and both were going with them on the ski trip. We hit it of. She was the perfect fit for me. And now we have 2 kids and are happily married for 11+ years.

Totally random story. But true.

So, if you ask me. Talk to people that are about the same age as your parents. They might have children you are. Who are single. And you hit it off. Because there might be a reason for them to be single at their age. And it might just be the same reason you are.

It might be totally random advice. But I am living proof it CAN work. Any active searching has never really brought me anything. Only some random encounter. Based completely on choosing to do the wrong things has led me to a happy life.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing all of that, I think that is so wonderfully kind of you.

The thing that worries me is whenever I hear about autistic men who get into relationships- they always have jobs. And usually at least half decent jobs at that. I will never work again :( I am on disability. I am just not sure how I can appeal to a woman without a job.

My parents long know about my struggles, my frustrations, my suicide attempts and my depression due to always being single and my frustrations over never being in a relationship. With that said it is not something I open up to them all the time about. Perhaps for obvious reasons I rather them not know how depressed and lonely I am all the time.

A little over three years ago I was still making a go at a semi-normal life. I was living on my own and working at a distribution center for Amazon. The stress of the job was eating away at me for months. I finally had a massive panic attack and a slight mental break that lasted for a few days. I left my Amazon job and was applying for different jobs. I knew something in my life had to change. I had my own place, it was a two-bedroom townhouse, now was the time to get into a relationship. The time to strike was now. I even moved all of the furniture at my place into one bedroom to have a completely empty bedroom. I figured when I got a girlfriend and she moved in she could completely have that room for whatever she wants.

I knew I needed help though. I was applying for other jobs, but I still needed help on the relationship front. It took about all the courage I had in the world (to be fair I was only able to do this because emotionally I had hit rock bottom and I needed help so bad), but I sat down with both of my parents, plus an aunt and uncle who I was close to at the time. They were the only family I could open up to, and those four people were also my only friends in the world. I completely laid my cards on the table.

For the first time in years, I explained to my family how depressed and sad I was over always being single, how important to me a relationship was. I asked the four of them for any help they could possibly provide in me getting potential dates or anything like that. I poured my heart out like I never thought I would.

They were not cruel, on the surface the four of them were sympathetic. But they all made it pretty clear there was nothing they could do to help. That moment really broke my heart. So much of my spirit and hope became permanently deflated. I felt so very alone and helpless.

I got a job stocking shelves at Wal-Mart. At first, I was remarkably happy with myself. The hours were better. The job was less strenuous than my job at Amazon. But my confidence was shattered and my ability to be out in public after my massive panic attack was at an all-time low. Every shift I felt extreme stomach pain. Sometimes after a customer would ask me where something was, I would have to sit down from the pain and anxiety I was experiencing. I knew something had to give. It may seem silly to try and keep a job stocking shelves at Wal-Mart in order to try and get a girlfriend, but that is what I was doing. Two weeks of immense anxiety and pain. I knew I needed the job in order to get a girlfriend though.

After about two weeks on the job I was stressed as hell. Running on fumes and completely anxiety ridden. I arrived a bit early to work and was reading in the break room. I saw a coworker I was attracted to. I never knew her name, I never saw her again, I never learned anything about her. But this was the whole point of my job, all my suffering and everything else. This was my chance to ask out someone in person. The problem was I knew in my heart I could never do it. As I sat there in the breakroom I realized I did not have the courage anymore to ask her out. The version of me that had that kind of courage was perhaps left in the past.

As I started my shift my depression and sadness intensified. After being told to do something, I had no clue how to do, in that moment, I had zero ability to learn something new, I began having a minor panic attack. I just got the hell out of there; I walked out without telling anyone anything. I quit my job, my parents sold the townhouse, and I moved back home with them. I knew I was permanently shooting myself in the foot relationship wise by doing this, but I was on the verge of breaking and I knew it.

I have not had the courage to talk to my parents about my frustrations and sadness over being single these last few years. I guess the somewhat implied implication is that by choosing to move back home with them I was giving up on ever being in a relationship. At least that is probably how they view things. Inside though I know how heartbroken, depressed and sad I am always being single.
 
BrianWV39 said:
Thank you for sharing all of that, I think that is so wonderfully kind of you.

The thing that worries me is whenever I hear about autistic men who get into relationships- they always have jobs. And usually at least half decent jobs at that. I will never work again :( I am on disability. I am just not sure how I can appeal to a woman without a job.

My parents long know about my struggles, my frustrations, my suicide attempts and my depression due to always being single and my frustrations over never being in a relationship. With that said it is not something I open up to them all the time about. Perhaps for obvious reasons I rather them not know how depressed and lonely I am all the time.

A little over three years ago I was still making a go at a semi-normal life. I was living on my own and working at a distribution center for Amazon. The stress of the job was eating away at me for months. I finally had a massive panic attack and a slight mental break that lasted for a few days. I left my Amazon job and was applying for different jobs. I knew something in my life had to change. I had my own place, it was a two-bedroom townhouse, now was the time to get into a relationship. The time to strike was now. I even moved all of the furniture at my place into one bedroom to have a completely empty bedroom. I figured when I got a girlfriend and she moved in she could completely have that room for whatever she wants.

I knew I needed help though. I was applying for other jobs, but I still needed help on the relationship front. It took about all the courage I had in the world (to be fair I was only able to do this because emotionally I had hit rock bottom and I needed help so bad), but I sat down with both of my parents, plus an aunt and uncle who I was close to at the time. They were the only family I could open up to, and those four people were also my only friends in the world. I completely laid my cards on the table.

For the first time in years, I explained to my family how depressed and sad I was over always being single, how important to me a relationship was. I asked the four of them for any help they could possibly provide in me getting potential dates or anything like that. I poured my heart out like I never thought I would.

They were not cruel, on the surface the four of them were sympathetic. But they all made it pretty clear there was nothing they could do to help. That moment really broke my heart. So much of my spirit and hope became permanently deflated. I felt so very alone and helpless.

I got a job stocking shelves at Wal-Mart. At first, I was remarkably happy with myself. The hours were better. The job was less strenuous than my job at Amazon. But my confidence was shattered and my ability to be out in public after my massive panic attack was at an all-time low. Every shift I felt extreme stomach pain. Sometimes after a customer would ask me where something was, I would have to sit down from the pain and anxiety I was experiencing. I knew something had to give. It may seem silly to try and keep a job stocking shelves at Wal-Mart in order to try and get a girlfriend, but that is what I was doing. Two weeks of immense anxiety and pain. I knew I needed the job in order to get a girlfriend though.

After about two weeks on the job I was stressed as hell. Running on fumes and completely anxiety ridden. I arrived a bit early to work and was reading in the break room. I saw a coworker I was attracted to. I never knew her name, I never saw her again, I never learned anything about her. But this was the whole point of my job, all my suffering and everything else. This was my chance to ask out someone in person. The problem was I knew in my heart I could never do it. As I sat there in the breakroom I realized I did not have the courage anymore to ask her out. The version of me that had that kind of courage was perhaps left in the past.

As I started my shift my depression and sadness intensified. After being told to do something, I had no clue how to do, in that moment, I had zero ability to learn something new, I began having a minor panic attack. I just got the hell out of there; I walked out without telling anyone anything. I quit my job, my parents sold the townhouse, and I moved back home with them. I knew I was permanently shooting myself in the foot relationship wise by doing this, but I was on the verge of breaking and I knew it.

I have not had the courage to talk to my parents about my frustrations and sadness over being single these last few years. I guess the somewhat implied implication is that by choosing to move back home with them I was giving up on ever being in a relationship. At least that is probably how they view things. Inside though I know how heartbroken, depressed and sad I am always being single.
Click to expand...

You can get a part time job and still retain your SSDI. My disabled sister works 20 hours a week, the maximum she is allowed to work at her hourly pay rate and still receive SSDI. It is based on how much you earn in your part time job, not the number of hours worked.
 
Mary Terry said:
You can get a part time job and still retain your SSDI. My disabled sister works 20 hours a week, the maximum she is allowed to work at her hourly pay rate and still receive SSDI. It is based on how much you earn in your part time job, not the number of hours worked.
Click to expand...
Do you really think getting a part time job would make me that much more attractive to women? It would be a huge sacrifice on my end. I do not really need the money and I would suffer greatly. Do you think it would be worth it? Do you think some women would consider dating me if I had a part time job, compared to me not having any sort of job?
 
I totally relate to @BrianWV39. Same interests as you with exception of the weed, which I never tried, and I too had no desire and ability to do traditional in-person dating stuff. I needed to learn about others through writing first to make any connections that way. I had a college education, yes. Long term jobs, nope. And truth is, I never felt guilt or less for being atypical there and for being a homebody and not like typical guys there .

If others did not like that, that is there issue I would tell myself or I reasoned they were not someone I would be interested in anyway.

I had the same depression and physical desires as you before I got married. I learned over time though to not to dwell on uncontrollable things or force things. If culture was such most guys like me would be ruled out for a relationship with most traditional women, fine, I rationalized, as I rather focused on just being my best or keeping certain values and not change there to just please them as by that time after self help efforts I saw myself as having more strengths than weaknesses, and so I looked just for the few who just was into appreciating me.

I think your attitude thus is a breath of fresh air as it reminds me of the few like myself, and you seem rather ok with limiting your opportunities by being you than to try to worsen your state by being someone else or to please them too much where things would likely fail then anyway . I feel your attitude seems fine and you are doing things mostly the needed way, and after seeing who your target audience seems to be, and I feel since most of those women often likey cannot be as choosy as traditional women, they may focus on your unique or hidden abilities or other fits more.

In my case, I learned to get more opportunities when I showed my confidence and myself more through my writings, often done in a positive way. I focused on my growth and learning and I focused on my strengths and abilities. For instance, I talked of my abilities to not only be self sufficient in doing day to day things, but I talked of or showed my care of others, from the things I had to say and how I said it. And I likely showed some patience, good reasoning skills, confidence, yet politeness and modesty many times too

Show your good traits through what you say and how you say it, but give attention to and talk about the other(s) just as much, in a focused, caring or positive way, and then more may appear or stay. It though is your right to not fit stereotypes or cultural standards and to just settle for anyone, as even all those others can be more flawed than us, not have the best views, or could reject us later. Make sure another would fit many of your values and needs, as relationships are a two way street. Being happy one is at the door is a recipe for failure, unless we are very stress tolerant or OK with some shorter term experience or success. Then you may settle for less.

So, be proud of who you are, regardless if atypical in ways, but realize you must not say everything or be too upfront or perfect too. For instance, I agree with another that mentioning sex as an interest, and even mentioning weed in my opinion, is not needed or preferred to bring up to another early, just as most may not advertise their religious and political beliefs early on. It is assumed we all can have different interests, so focus not on saying everything to start, as that could stop any interest before things even start.
 
1ForAll said:
I totally relate to @BrianWV39. Same interests as you with exception of the weed, which I never tried, and I too had no desire and ability to do traditional in-person dating stuff. I needed to learn about others through writing first to make any connections that way. I had a college education, yes. Long term jobs, nope. And truth is, I never felt guilt or less for being atypical there and for being a homebody and not like typical guys there .

If others did not like that, that is there issue I would tell myself or I reasoned they were not someone I would be interested in anyway.

I had the same depression and physical desires as you before I got married. I learned over time though to not to dwell on uncontrollable things or force things. If culture was such most guys like me would be ruled out for a relationship with most traditional women, fine, I rationalized, as I rather focused on just being my best or keeping certain values and not change there to just please them as by that time after self help efforts I saw myself as having more strengths than weaknesses, and so I looked just for the few who just was into appreciating me.

I think your attitude thus is a breath of fresh air as it reminds me of the few like myself, and you seem rather ok with limiting your opportunities by being you than to try to worsen your state by being someone else or to please them too much where things would likely fail then anyway . I feel your attitude seems fine and you are doing things mostly the needed way, and after seeing who your target audience seems to be, and I feel since most of those women often likey cannot be as choosy as traditional women, they may focus on your unique or hidden abilities or other fits more.

In my case, I learned to get more opportunities when I showed my confidence and myself more through my writings, often done in a positive way. I focused on my growth and learning and I focused on my strengths and abilities. For instance, I talked of my abilities to not only be self sufficient in doing day to day things, but I talked of or showed my care of others, from the things I had to say and how I said it. And I likely showed some patience, good reasoning skills, confidence, yet politeness and modesty many times too

Show your good traits through what you say and how you say it, but give attention to and talk about the other(s) just as much, in a focused, caring or positive way, and then more may appear or stay. It though is your right to not fit stereotypes or cultural standards and to just settle for anyone, as even all those others can be more flawed than us, not have the best views, or could reject us later. Make sure another would fit many of your values and needs, as relationships are a two way street. Being happy one is at the door is a recipe for failure, unless we are very stress tolerant or OK with some shorter term experience or success. Then you may settle for less.

So, be proud of who you are, regardless if atypical in ways, but realize you must not say everything or be too upfront or perfect too. For instance, I agree with another that mentioning sex as an interest, and even mentioning weed in my opinion, is not needed or preferred to bring up to another early, just as most may not advertise their religious and political beliefs early on. It is assumed we all can have different interests, so focus not on saying everything to start, as that could stop any interest before things even start.
Click to expand...
Thank you. But the three things I enjoy doing are sex, weed, and listening to music. I am not here or anywhere to conform to anyone else.

I am curious though how you met your future wife?
 
kenaij said:
It might be totally random advice. But I am living proof it CAN work. Any active searching has never really brought me anything. Only some random encounter. Based completely on choosing to do the wrong things has led me to a happy life.
Click to expand...
As I have said previously, develop a friend network.
Friends have friends, and that might lead to something more. :cool:
 
Jonn said:
As I have said previously, develop a friend network.
Friends have friends, and that might lead to something more. :cool:
Click to expand...
I am not interested in making platonic friendships. If I was, I would try. But I am not. Perhaps it would help me. But they are not really for me.
 
BrianWV39 said:
Thank you. But the three things I enjoy doing are sex, weed, and listening to music. I am not here or anywhere to conform to anyone else.

I am curious though how you met your future wife?
Click to expand...
Yes, well, it would be assumed that most guys and women like sex or were open to it unless they said otherwise, so anyone mentioning they like it very early on seems a bit too much for most to accept, especially as putting the cart before the horse like that would turn many opposite others off assuming you could want it right after meeting.

As for the weed, well, I like prescription drugs for my heart issues, but do you think I would advertise that at onset to prospective others, as they are not selling points. I love your honesty, but total honesty for me comes later, as too many persons may assume things or be too judgmental otherwise. Just like your realization that in-person those traits or lack of are not selling points, mentioning you have an interest in sex and weed may be sharing personal or sensitive topic things too fast, unless short term fun is the desire.

My wife I met through an online yahoo writing group long ago and we talked daily through instant messengers and had regular back and forth emails too. We were both looking for a LTR and got to know each other well over a year before we decided to meet. She did not bring up her home life and condition issues online until several months of communications. I did bring up my disability early on, knowing most women would want to know that, and to not waste her time, but I mentioned that only after a few weeks of talks first.

We have been married twenty years, and we are more opposites than alike. She likely has Autism besides her ADHD, whereas I likey just had AvPD and Social Anxiety. So I guess what I am trying to say is, I believe certain things shared too soon are a huge turn off to most, so I recommend others talk of and show their abilities that more would want to hear about or see about early on. I suppose many women can maybe prefer casual sex relationships too, but then be specific that shorter term fun and enjoyment is the desires or main needs then.

For those into LTR, talking sex and weed interests at the onset could rule out the majority who may sees that as warning signs, unless, again, the desires were mostly casual short term fun. Then talking such early seems far more appropriate.

Just my opinions, but I try to look at things from all perspectives.
 
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