Transitioning out of resentment mode.

[Metalhead]

I try giving it all to my higher power and leaving it out of my hands. That works for a while.

I try empathy for those who harmed me, and I can accept that perhaps they have a lot of untreated sadness and or mental health/trauma issues of their own, and I accept that it is not up to me to own any of that and that none of it was ever personal.

I feel more grief than anger right now.

The therapist says this is how it works when processing this stuff.

Of course, I wish I could switch it all off like a light switch and move on with my life without carrying any of this. It does not work like that.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Practice gratitude and helping others.

 

[Rodafina]

Of course, I wish I could switch it all off like a light switch and move on with my life without carrying any of this.

No, you can't just switch it off, but there is another option here. You move through it, slowly shedding what you are carrying so that the burden is less over time. It may feel very heavy right now, but if you keep moving forward and keep putting in the work to process your past, I think it will not always feel so heavy.

 

[Judge]

I still believe that part of that process must inevitably involve separating you from your toxic family.

Whether you choose to forgive or forget...won't likely alter their behavior. That you simply have to remove yourself from such influences that continue to make your life painful.

We've all watched this cycle of behavior with you for some time. We just want to see you truly emerge from this abyss. Though IMO you really do have to remove yourself once and for all from your mother.

 

[Masked Man]

There's a happy (for lack of a better word) medium when coming to terms with your life. You can forgive those who wronged you, but you don't have to forget that it happened.

For the most part, I no longer dwell on those who were cruel to me when I was growing up, but if I ever run into them I certainly am not friendly with them. I am civil and that's it.

It helps me somewhat to understand that there are people who are more comfortable being around other people who are similar to them and that people who seem different in some way make them uncomfortable. That's fine. It's not fine, however, to antagonize someone because you feel afraid around them for some reason. That's weird. Especially when that person is just minding their own business.

Anyway it also helps that I'm in a position now where I am somewhat comfortable in my life. I make a good salary, have a nice apartment, etc. I'm doing better in a lot of ways compared to those to liked to torment me in my youth. And I can't lie, there's a part of me who likes to rub that in their faces just a bit.

 

[Metalhead]

I would rather dwell on awesome hobbies and fun times with great people.

Forget the noise of the past. It shaped me into who I am, but no need to wallow in the sea of sorrow and rage any longer. Drinking poison and hoping that the ones who hurt me will die is no way to live.

 

[FayetheAspie]

There's a happy (for lack of a better word) medium when coming to terms with your life. You can forgive those who wronged you, but you don't have to forget that it happened.

Yes, you should always forgive and doing so is actually beneficial for your own health (mental and even physical); however, you do need to remember so they do not trick you and do harm again.

 

[Metalhead]

I say this not from a place of judgement but from a place of empathy - I would not be surprised if my mother had quite a few untreated mental health issues that she is too proud to address properly.

That does not mean I should keep owning her personal baggage.