This is so hard

[the_tortoise]

I feel that my entire life is telling others that l don't have to live my life to their expectations or standards,

I feel this way, too. That all my life has ever been is just fighting to be allowed to exist ...

Even when I have hated everything about myself, wanted and tried to be whoever someone else wanted me to be, it never worked; It became very obvious very quickly I was never going to succeed at all....and that fighting to be an imaginary, nonexistent version of myself according to what others wanted and expected was not only impossible and futile, but even worse and more painful than fighting to be me.

and many others have this issue. I also believe people overstep boundaries to see if they are able to manipulate you. So standing up for one's self actually becomes a way of life for many of us on the spectrum.

That is very insightful.

It makes me wonder if this is part of why autistics are so often seen as trapped in our own perspective and so self-absorbed we don't even understand that other people can be very different from our selves and have their own minds and perspectives -- or worsens the impression....is partly just that we have to constantly explain ourselves when we are misjudged or misunderstood or mistreated or just confuse people? If some big huge not-there things get read into that?

(Even autistics sometimes make this kind of mistake I think...[I have anyways...and I think (but cannot know because I am not them) I have witnessed it observing other ASDers discussing things from the sidelines...] because we are not really an alien species and most of us have to try to learn to communicate with non-autistic people as our models for communication for the most part...and it has been theorized in "double empathy" and "triple empathy" concepts that autistics may often understand non-autistics better than vice versa simply because we are actually forced to, constantly, while non-autistics are never forced to understand us - they may choose to but they don't have to; suggesting at least some of us do to whatever limited degree pick up communication things like trying to read between lines even when we (here I think of myself in particular when I have tried to or wondered if I was supposed to infer things:_) are truly awful and incompetent at doing so because it is so unnatural and hard to understand)

If explaining oneself, because you cannot or know better than to presume what the other person's perspective is; And/or because it is so so painfully clear the person you are trying to explain yourself to and share things with expects you to either already have the same perspective or to adopt theirs....if ironically they think you are trying to impose your perspective on them when all you are trying to say is "You be you and let me be me - we are different in this way, can we reach mutual understanding of our differences?" (In some arguments in some contexts maybe that is true about trying to get someone to think like you do, but I cannot see that being true always for most people and definitely not when you are just saying "This is how I personally think/feel" or "This is how I personally need to do [x] or live my life" in self-defense when people are hurting you or trying to force you to do what they want and/or be exactly like them for no apparent reason that makes sense to you)

 

[vergil96]

I'm not sure why people would think I'm homeless just because I carry a handbag.

I got told by my mom and a friend that I shouldn't carry a plastic shopping bag with things, because it makes me look like a homeless person or like someone who doesn't take care of themself. So definitely there is something about carrying certain types of bags that people link with homelessness.

Don't know what to do about the bra thing. I have sensory issues and find them uncomfortable.

Maybe she meant that the nipples show? And the bra needs thicker material or some padding? If it's about sagging then... *rolls eyes* who cares? I completely get where you're coming from, "normal" bras are extremely itchy and uncomfortable.

 

[Starflowerpower87]

Lately I've been fantasizing about what it would be like to go off of Independent living support. No one would be there to tell me what to do. But then I remember what life was like when I didn't have it. How I struggled. I had to sell my things to get by. I depended on my parents too much for support. I was desperate. So I don't think I'll go off but I do miss the solitude and being able to do as I please.

 

[Aspychata]

I bought my partner a handsome smaller soft briefcase, because likes to write in notebooks and shoves them into grocery bags. Grocery bags break, and they look flimsy. His smaller bag is better, l can wipe it down after doctor appointments.