Therapy / Medication - What has worked?

[Fluttershy]

Hi all,

I've been struggling a lot lately.
While I seem to be doing okay socially, with school, and with work, (not entirely with my relationship, but I've been creating most of the anxiety myself). I've been mostly just having a lot of depression issues and existentialist problems. A lot of my depression comes from my autism. I have so much built up self doubt and I have this thing to hate about myself. I'm not sure what will even work because even if I treat depression, will I ever get over the fact that I'm autistic?

I just wanted to what kinds of treatments have worked the best for you guys? What kinds of therapy? What meds? Does anything help you not hate yourself at the end of the day, especially if you have similar issues that I do? I'm so stuck in my own head, I have such a dependent personality, and I just can't love myself or be happy. I wonder what my purpose is a lot even if things are going well.

Sorry for venting a bit. I just know I need to do something. I've been to therapy, and my last therapist was nice but didn't make much of a difference. I haven't been on medication since I was 18. I'm a bit nervous about it.

 

[wanderer03]

I've had some pretty good luck with Prozac and Buspar. I take Seroquel for sleep.

 

[Fluttershy]

I guess I should also mention, the reason medications make me so nervous is that I am terrified of weight gain (bad history there), and I take medication to manage migraines, and everything seems to have one or the other as a side effect.

 

[Ronin82]

I do great on Buspar, and my therapist is a Buddhist who practices Native American healing practices and Energy healing as well as verbal processing of trauma issues (I have PTSD too). I have never seen so much progress working with anyone else!! Mindfulness exercises and learning to accept myself without judgment has been key to not actually attempting suicide. Good luck finding what works for you!

 

[wanderer03]

I do great on Buspar, and my therapist is a Buddhist who practices Native American healing practices and Energy healing as well as verbal processing of trauma issues (I have PTSD too). I have never seen so much progress working with anyone else!! Mindfulness exercises and learning to accept myself without judgment has been key to not actually attempting suicide. Good luck finding what works for you!

I cannot imagine having to deal with both autism and PTSD. I admire you for what you've been able to overcome.

 

[Ronin82]

Thanks. It's all about the process, and making forward progress. Some days that means just getting out of bed and going to work. Some days are awesome and I feel almost normal. I've learned to take proper care of myself on the bad days and relish the good ones.

And my awesome therapist is helping me figure out what is Asperger's and what is PTSD...sometimes its really hard to decide.

I take Buspar every day, have Ativan for use as needed (panic attacks or insomnia), and I tend to drink plenty of alcohol instead of taking the Ativan (NEVER on the same day!!). These meds don't affect me too negatively, although the Buspar did reduce my alcohol tolerance...takes less booze to get numb now. I also take lots of vitamins/minerals and holistic nutritional remedies for my physical issues and to help reduce the side effects of the meds. I refuse to take any anti-depressants, but that's because of lots of research and knowing my own body. I've found other ways to deal with my depression. Basically, do what works for you, because you know your body best.

 

[DogwoodTree]

And my awesome therapist is helping me figure out what is Asperger's and what is PTSD...sometimes its really hard to decide.

This is very true in my experience as well. There's a lot of overlap, but the source of the issue indicates the need for different approaches to the particular problem and different expectations for how it might turn out.

A lot of my depression comes from my autism. I have so much built up self doubt and I have this thing to hate about myself. I'm not sure what will even work because even if I treat depression, will I ever get over the fact that I'm autistic?

I've been asking this same question a lot lately. If the depression is being fueled by the failures caused by autism, then how in the world am I ever going to be free of the depression? And I don't have a satisfactory answer yet. But sometimes, if I take the time to look around at some of the idiotic people out there...and I see that they still have friends and find things to enjoy about life despite their obvious-to-me faults...then maybe that's possible for me, too, to be an acceptable and productive human being. I might not be the kind of person I would like to be...there are all kinds of things I'd like to change about myself...lots of things I don't like about myself...but I can't think of anyone else I'd rather be besides myself, faults and all.

I just wanted to what kinds of treatments have worked the best for you guys? What kinds of therapy? What meds? Does anything help you not hate yourself at the end of the day, especially if you have similar issues that I do? I'm so stuck in my own head, I have such a dependent personality, and I just can't love myself or be happy.

Like you, I don't want to do meds. I tried that route when I was in college, and it wasn't good. There were plenty of side effects with no benefits. I do take some supplements, though. I've noticed that, of all the supplements I'm taking, turmeric and fish oil have the most stabilizing effects on my mood.

I've tried lots of different counseling methods, but mostly with lay counselors or specifically Christian counseling. This time I chose a professional therapist (who is also Christian, but that's not the main focus of his therapeutic approaches). He primarily uses CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), but also has other stuff mixed in. I don't think it's so much the approach, though, as it is the relationship with the therapist that matters. If the people you've seen before didn't work out well, maybe try to find someone else who clicks better with you, regardless of the approach they use. What gender therapist do you prefer? What age range? What personality type (introvert/extrovert, thinker/feeler)?

I've also added in some peripheral measures. I started yoga last summer, which has helped with some of the PTSD issues as well as the anxiety and depression. I go on solitary hikes, and did a silent retreat at a monastery a couple of months ago. A couple of weeks ago, I started acupuncture. Although it's too soon to tell if that will be effective in the long-term, I've been a bit surprised at how stable my mood has been this past week or so. I face painful situations that normally would have triggered a "depression attack", as Tony Attwood calls them, but then the depression doesn't go as deep and it doesn't stick. It just sort of fades, almost like the darkness simply has nothing to attach itself to. That doesn't mean I'm feeling "great." But I'm not "hating myself" at the end of the day, either.

As for the "dependent personality" issues, have you read up on how to keep personal boundaries? This has been a huge-huge-huge issue for me. I tend to be very counter-dependent, and also a people pleaser. Learning how to hold healthier personal boundaries has brought a great deal of peace and stability to my experience of some difficult relationships in my life, as well as my relationship with myself.

 

[artfull dodger]

My therapist used a combination of CBT and ABA therapy methods with me over the past couple of years. She is trying to keep me off meds for my anxiety due to the side effects most of them come with. I use a weighted blanket to help me sleep thru the night or calm down when feeling overwhelmed. I have learned thru therapy to better know when I am getting close to a meltdown, and remove myself from that situation if possible and doing something I enjoy for a little bit to calm myself down. Yes it has worked wonders over what I was like prior to diagnosis and treatment. Mike

 

[Fluttershy]

Thanks for the input everyone. I'm not sure what I'm looking for in a therapist. I know I'm more comfortable around women, but I don't have a particular preference with anything else. Just not super rude or pushy.
I think I am going to try that before trying meds. I'm considering maybe talking about going off one of the meds I'm on (topamax. Depression can be a side effect). My headaches haven't been flaring since I got my own place.
I'm just trying to really be comfortable with myself. I'm glad there's a community here though.

 

[mince69meat]

I guess I should also mention, the reason medications make me so nervous is that I am terrified of weight gain (bad history there), and I take medication to manage migraines, and everything seems to have one or the other as a side effect.

with migraines, when u feel the slightest start put on uv sunglasses even if indoors, most migraines are your eyes being overloaded by photons (smart phones, TVs bright sun reflecting) or too much movement in your line of sight.

try it think u will be surprised how many times it stop them before they get started if already stared then dark room with a cold wet cloth on ur forehead

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I take risperidone which helps with depression and some anxiety, it also helps me not spend too much time playing computer games, being my special interest. I find it helps really well, I don't really get any side effects apart from taking maybe a little longer to get up in the morning and my eye getting really heavy as I go to sleep. Probably not the sort of thing I'd recommend though if you're worried about weight gain, being a atypical antipsychotic. But it works great for me.

 

[shinkansen]

will I ever get over the fact that I'm autistic?

Know what you mean. Will always remember the moment when the doc said to me 'I'm pretty sure you're on the spectrum'. For me, guess it helps to see the diagnosis as an opportunity for some specific help.

What kinds of therapy?

In the past, I've done CBT cognitive behavioural therapy. It's hard work but it does help you improve the way you think.

What meds?

As well as pills for my ADHD, I also take an anti-depressant and an anti-psychotic. My doctor is keen for me to stick with this combination. I'm not content with taking all this medication, but I do realise it has helped.

Nevertheless, I consider myself fortunate. Thanks to the UK's health care system, all the medical help and drugs are free. Well, not quite. I pay £104 (approximately USD $150) for year's worth of prescriptions.

Sorry for venting a bit.

Everybody's entitled to vent. And give yourself credit every time you deal with life's challenges.

 

[Warmheart]

Fluttershy, I think it would help strengthen you from within if you could begin to become more aware of your many strengths and positive qualities, especially those brilliant, beautiful qualities provided by your autism. I once felt as badly about myself as you do. I can relate to feelings of autism coloring my view of myself poorly. That changed once I learned to re-frame autism in the positive. A positive reframe goes like this:

My autism makes it so that people think I'm weird.
Becomes...



I'll always be clueless socially.
Becomes...





My executive dysfunction means my life has been a marathon of failure.

Becomes...



Basically, we need to re-frame how we view our autism. This doesn't mean ignoring our suffering, but rather getting autistic-specific support for our challenges. An understanding ASD specialist is the best way to go, I think. He or she may even refer you to an au8tism agency who provides help with stuff in your life that can make your struggles less, and surround you with people who appreciate your awesomeness... because you're autistic.

When our challenges are supported, we do better!

The medical model is deficits-based, focusing on our challenges, so we can get the supports we need. The social model is strengths-based, saying that we need all kinds of minds to work together, as Dr. Temple Grandin says. Go with that!

It is painful when the challenges of our autism make life bumpy, and we have anxiety that NTs cannot even begin to understand. We're challenged with understanding the big picture, and we really struggle with strong sensory sensitivities. BUT....

And you probably have some positives to your strong sensory sensitivities, too, like extra abilities to appreciate and sense things others may miss...

It can take time to grow into appreciating your strengths. I hope you can find a good ASD specialist to be a supportive, encouraging counselor or therapist for you.

Be extra good to yourself right now. We all try so very hard in a world not geared to our differences. We do our best. Here's what I try to remember:
"I was not designed to meet the neurotypical model of success."
I will lower my expectations, but raise my effort in the direction of my strengths!

 

[wanderer03]

Fluttershy, I think it would help strengthen you from within if you could begin to become more aware of your many strengths and positive qualities, especially those brilliant, beautiful qualities provided by your autism. I once felt as badly about myself as you do. I can relate to feelings of autism coloring my view of myself poorly. That changed once I learned to re-frame autism in the positive. A positive reframe goes like this:

My autism makes it so that people think I'm weird.
Becomes...



I'll always be clueless socially.
Becomes...





My executive dysfunction means my life has been a marathon of failure.

Becomes...



Basically, you need to re-frame how you view your autism.

The medical model is deficits-based, focusing on our challenges, so we can get the supports we need. The social model is strengths-based, saying that we need all kinds of minds to work together, as Dr. Temple Grandin says. Go with that!

It is painful when the challenges of our autism make life bumpy, and we have anxiety that NTs cannot even begin to understand. We're challenged with understanding the big picture, and we really struggle with strong sensory sensitivities. BUT....

And you probably have some positives to your strong sensory sensitivities, too, like extra abilities to appreciate and sense things others may miss...

It can take time to grow into appreciating your strengths. I hope you can find a good ASD specialist to be a supportive, encouraging counselor or therapist for you.

Sound advice! Very applicable to me as well.