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I completely agree.. while most therapists I have seen seem to seek a 'cure' .. those I have now are just trying to help me survive and prosper in an NT world. That comes with my own understanding of how the NT world works. (Its easier to learn Russian). That is all I ever really sought from the beginning... acceptance and understanding... not a cure. I just needed to know where I fit in the world. I'm rather glad there is a name for it now..
Great! If you don't mind me asking, what has helped the most? You mentioned "knowing where I stand in relation to the rest of the population (the box?)." How did that happen and how can I help others with this? Thanks.I had issues getting inside the box throughout my life in all aspects... Somehow I could not tolerate that enough to make it through employments, assignments, etc.
Thank you!! Patience and persistence paid off. I have now a great team of people working with me... I am also very thankful that ASD/HFA is being recognized and diagnosed.. it is making life much more acceptable for me knowing where I stand in relation to the rest of the population now...
Yes, I call this "therapist-centered therapy," where the therapist directs the process without the consent of the person they're working with and believes they have the answers, etc. I have, in most cases, found the opposite to be true. I like the concept of the "guide" as if someone is on a journey and you might know some of the pitfalls or the local language or have some thoughts about how to maneuver through a situation. But this type of information should only be provided if/when the client wants it. My view, at least.
Well said. Thank you for this. I entirely agree. Back in the 1940s, a psychologist named Carl Rogers developed a way of doing therapy, called "client-centered," that was exactly what you described. He based it on research he and his followers did of what actually seemed to make therapy successful (imagine that!). There are still people who practice in this manner, although sometimes it's called "person-centered" these days. Unfortunately, most therapists have gotten lost in what I call the "medical model," where they think of themselves as the "doctor" who knows what's best for the "patient." I am sorry if you have been judged in a therapy situation. They say "First do no harm." That seems harmful to me.
Yes, of course. Good thing to keep in mind. Thank you for this. I don't ask that question for the reasons you stated, but it's still good to keep in mind that often people come to therapists as kind of a last resort, after they've determined that they don't know what to do next. Thanks again.
Thanks for reinforcing this idea. Also, I find that silence and patience are essential, allowing the person to do whatever they need to do in the moment, so to speak. Also, allowing the person to be in an "I don't have a clue" place, if that makes sense.
In my case, the mere knowing was enough for me. Being an Aspie has given me a socially acceptable niche in which I can fit. I am no longer alone in the world.
I have been innately alone my whole life, save my dogs. I have seen counselors since I was about 8 years old. All could tell that there was definitely something sitting me apart from my peers but none could really put their finger on precisely what it was. I felt like I was walking through life in the dark. Without a foundation on which to stand or place my life decisions, every decision I made felt like an hypothesis. I could not relate well at all with peers and did not know why or what I was doing wrong. Depression and isolation was the live standard. I would ask questions that nobody seemed to have answers for. "just do the best you can".... "life is tough"..... "you can do it if you try hard enough".... etc... etc... Doing the best I could usually meant I would outshine the boss and end up unemployed. (Careful what you ask an Aspie for, you just may get it..
I really enjoyed reading your whole posting. It brought a tear to my eye, it was so beautiful and I'm so happy for you. I picked out the above sentence as particularly profound and wonderful. I'm glad you found a way to "just be (you)."Now I'm just being me.. I am finding that people are accepting me more now than before...
I'm sorry you had this experience with therapists. To be honest, I don't recall any mention of Asperger's within my graduate school coursework. I encountered a young man who was diagnosed with Asperger's in a "shyness" group I ran while an intern on a college campus. This was my first exposure to the word and to someone who had this diagnosis. I suddenly realized that, during 20 years in the computer industry (psychology is my second career), I had mingled with plenty of people like this. Later still, I was doing couples counseling with a female therapist and her husband. After a few sessions, I turned to the wife and said, "Have you considered the possibility that your husband has Asperger's?" This turned out to be a revelation for her and, while she could not save her own marriage, she went on to form a support group for women who were married to men with Asperger's. Ever since then, I've tried to get the word out to fellow therapists to be aware of this possibility. I'm glad you "stumbled across it" eventually.
I would consider giving it another go... having a professional support system has done me worlds of good. Its rather like looking for a gallery to exhibit art... or a record company to record your songs... you may get a million no's but it only takes one yes.
Sadly, this is where most of my best learning has come from. Thank you for the compliment in the meantime.
I agree 100%. In my experience, there is too much emphasis in a therapist's training on what "good mental health" is all about and what "psychopathology" is all about. Many (most?) therapists seem to feel the need to push people toward whatever their concept is of good mental health (e.g., getting along well in a "neurotypical" world). The fact is that the therapist works for the person (the person is the customer, who is always right, right?) and this seems lost on both therapist and customer. Too many therapists want to play "doctor" and be directive about the agenda, process, etc., of therapy. In my view, it works best to let the person lead the way (unless there is the possibility of harm to self or others) and let the therapist be a guide, of sorts, if appropriate and what the person wants. Just saying.
I won't fault you for it. I have very little respect for school myself because at best the most school ever did was get me vaguely familiar with terminology. The real world has never been anything like what schools and colleges said it should be like. If my accounting class had given each student a plastic shopping bag full of crumpled papers smelling of cigar smoke possibly manufactured in the 20s along with dead bugs and unidentifiable stains, not all of the invoices and statements present in the bag for the timeframe given, and told that was all the information they would receive, I don't think there would have been many people continuing in the profession!
